Chasingthedream

Thank you for sharing that WildChild. I too am that person who wakes up every single time after using and has to wonder- what embarrassing things did I say last night/ what nonsense did I post on Facebook/ has my husband finally realised that the reason I drank 2 bottles of wine is because I'm using/ where did I leave my wrap and will anyone find it.... It's embarrassing to admit all of this, especially as a 39 year old mother of 2, but I have to accept that is who I am at the moment.

It's a horrible horrible life, and I don't want it anymore. I will be here for you in the coming months. I hope today is another good day for you x

wildchild69

Dream.... I've seen the cocaine thing up close and personal. I partied with it for a bit there, but after quitting it...honestly...I never want to hate the sunrise again the way I did at that time in my life. Try to reroute your thinking to being addicted to how good you feel without it. I was also on the other end of addiction with it....My son's father had a "secret" problem with it for a long time before I started to notice. I got no money at all from him....had to pay the bills on only my pay. He was so incredibly paranoid that I would come home from work and he would have the door completely barricaded, as if something was coming to get him....
In the many discussions I've had with my best friend the morning after when I'm loathing in self pity about how stupid I feel and what I did or said or who I did it with....she once said...."...really the problem is the thought you have right BEFORE you drink." Zero in on that Dream...be strong...I started to and it helped a lot. Our brain is amazing... and I'm sure you know it's got all kinds of patterns and thought processes...you CAN retrain your though process. True change starts in your head
There's nothing more satisfying than the feeling when you put your children to bed and know you've been a TRUE mother that day trust me, I know xoxo

wildchild69

Dream...sorry, still getting used to this site. I just saw your last reply. I will be here for you as well!!! Honestly, there's no shame in admitting that's who you are right now because we are all here owning up and taking responsibility and fixing it. I forgave my son's father for that (and many things lol)... and he has in turn forgiven me for the abuse of alcohol....family=team. I'm glad you see how horrible that life is, but REMEMBER how WONDERFUL it can be Stay busy. Pick up a healthy habit...I work out a lot, which if I drank got horridly interrupted....I'm an all or nothing person (hence, why I can't drink)... just a suggestion, but what I'm doing is focusing on being as HEALTHY as I can be...healing my liver...flushing my mind...purifying my heart/conscience. We deserve it xoxo keep up the good work and be proud of yourself every morning

Chasingthedream

Thanks WildChild. I'm an all or nothing person too, maybe that's part of our problem! You're so right: family=team, and I am lucky enough to have an amazingly supportive husband. So all good there! And yes, knowing at the end of the day that you've been the best mother you can possibly be, is an amazing feeling. So bring on more of that!

LBrain

Wildchild, 12 years of NOT GETTING CAUGHT. I had plenty of problems. But they were hidden. People thought I was anti-social. WRONG! I love hanging out with people and groups. But many times I was too drunk, too drunk to drive or afraid I would get too drunk. So I isolated much of the time. In the latter stages of my drinking I would just go to work and home. That was pretty much it. But I did commit to my year of not drinking back in 2001. And I did it. But when I resumed, I returned with a vengeance. It wasn't much at first. And I thought I could drink okay. Somewhere along the way and I don't even remember when, I just lost count of how much I drank and how much I cared. That is what I meant.

sober 3 months presently

That just reminded me, "Somewhere along the way..." Look up the song, "Help Me Through The Night" by Joe Walsh. It's easy to find. Give a listen.

matt4x4

Its progressive, controlled drinking never works. You can lie to yourself and say that it does, or think it helps.

wildchild69

Your right. It's never just one for long. The progression happens quick.

Justadude

"...have drinking build ups like u have 1 drink, then 2 the next night, then 5...etc...?"

Yup... That is my cycle... except finish with the next 24hrs stay drunk. Then insert the regret, guilt, anxiety.

Congratulations on your Sobriety!