Compass1

I am at day 50 today. This is the longest I have gone without drinking since my early teens (I am 29). I'm so afraid that I could lose this amazing gift at some random moment or event. I have such anxiety over going to AA at the same time. I have been to a few meetings in the past and they never went well for me. I want to keep this.

Taproot

i have the same concern over my delicate sobriety here just a day ten. this is the longest I've gone without alcohol in almost three years (I think), and I don't want to blow this great start by making some mistake. I am not going to AA, but am here on SR every day and plan to keep that up. I find the support from the people here at SR really helps me stay on track and get a little stronger every day.

Dee74

Hey Compass relax...

The only way you can drink is by consciously deciding to, and by ignoring all the support you have here and elsewhere to keep you sober.

I don't think you're gonna do that.

If you think your recovery plan needs a little work, then by all means step it up tho....you get out of your recovery what you put into it

D

teetotalitarian

Why didn't they go well? Did you try more than one place?

Personally, I really like AA meetings and took to them immediately. Cold turkey has never, ever worked for me more than 2 weeks.

Just curious because I couldn't get my mother (also alcoholic) to go to more than a handful of meetings. She gave vague reasons like, "I don't fit in" and "They judge me for not being homeless with DUIs."

FeelingGreat

Hi Compass, you're doing really really well. You should know that. You're right to be careful about the future because opportunities to drink can pop up unexpectedly and sometimes we can spontaneously cave. Try not to put yourself into situations where you might be tempted, and beyond that all you can do is hold on to your sobriety like it is precious.
If you have a history of relapsing, think about those situations and visualise how you'd handle them today. You're older and more mature now, and you know what you want.

Coldfusion

Hi Compass,

Why not try using this forum a bit more? How about joining the 24-Hour Club or the thread for your sobriety month?

Posting here can change your attitude!

Mountainmanbob

that's why it is of the most importance that we
protect our sobriety above all else
with more sober time this becomes easier

it helps once we see clearly

things that I should do
and
things that I should not do

places that I should go
and
places that I should not go

MM

Stash

When i was at 50 days i hid from the world. I felt the way u r now. Its hard to get passed it but it isnt imposssible. i didnt trust myself just yet at 50 days and thats a scary feeling to have. Its sounds like you really enjoy your new life style and i know you can keep it til tomorrow, bc today is all we have. Just do your best today and itll give you more strength tomorrow

Mountainmanbob

you remind me of me
at 50 days sober I didn't even want to walk to the mailbox

I had really torn myself out there drinking the last time around
blackouts had started (which I had never seen in over 40 years of drinking)
and -- yet another totaled vehicle and hitting my head

yes -- sobriety has brought much calmness to my life
serenity that I had not known since childhood

MM

instant

I was raw for a good six months. Over time the doubts and fears hold less power. Do the work and commit daily. Sobriety is worth it- it gets better with time

AZliving

Hang in there Compass, you are not alone.

Compass1

teeto- I honestly felt very awkward at meetings. Some people I met were nice and we exchanged numbers, but I felt like an interloper. Someone said to me something to the extent that I should think about if this is what I want... I'm not sure if I appear as bad as I am when I am sober. I felt like I was going to a club that I was not a member of. I tried two different meetings. One I went to a few times. Another I went to once and no one talked to me and I didn't speak up. I guess its partially my fault. I was very nervous to be there. I think part of me wasn't 100% sure that I wanted to commit and I didn't want to get to know people and then let them down. I am the type of person who does not like the attention on myself, so I'd rather quietly sit in.


I come on here a decent amount and I am reading a book about Buddhism and the 12 steps. I try to revolve recovery material into that I am reading, about every other book. I just have this lingering feeling that I need outside support if I am really going to maintain this. I have been basically hiding from the world - working and going home to read or watch netflix. I am starting to get bored and that worries me. The addictive voice comes in and says "Are you really going to live like this indefinitely? You weren't that bad. Drinking is so fun. How much would you like to be at an all inclusive resort right now, knocking back tropical drinks at the wet bar?" I feel terrible even saying it but these are the thoughts that have been entering my mind.

SoberLeigh

Congrats on 50 days, Compass. One day at a time, one step at a time. If you are feeling especially fragile and your AV voice has kicked into higher gear, you may want to try those AA meetings again or find other support groups in your area - a google search should provide you with options.

Most of all, stick with sobriety; it will get better and easier.

worried6666

I am just over two months sober - so about the same as you. I've had moments where I've wanted to drink. Today is probably the strongest urge I've had. In the first couple days that I quit, I looked at my sleeping 3 year old daughter and promised her that I would never drink again. EVER. That's been the thing that I always come back to. I made a promise to her that I can't go back on. It's what has kept me in line.

Dee74

re-read your old posts, or someones elses.

Everything the AV says is a lie.

D

LBrain

when I was 50, 60 days sober, I only left the house to go to meetings. !!! true
And as soon as I am back to "normal" - whatever/whenever that is - I'm going to disconnect the cable and sell my TV. actually nothing worth watching. But at 50 days I was fascinated by the programs on during the day. Jerry Springer was uplifting - because I felt so much better about myself while watching it.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing. Feeling anxious and talking about it is where you should be right now. You wouldn't be normal otherwise. Good luck

Odelle

For me, somewhere around 50-60 days in, my AV was pulling every trick in the book and I was really fighting to not give in. I was so worried about how I would be able to keep it up. And then it stopped. I've had a few thoughts here and there, but nothing like that period. Hang in there, this too shall pass and you will be so happy to have not caved.