hcapon

Hello all. I am so glad I found this site. It's amazing to read the stories from other people and see how much they overlap my story... Sadly, but true. I have known my husband for 10 years and we have been married for six. He was the kindest, most gentle, loving person I've never met in my entire life. We were best friends for three years before we decided to even date and then everything went from there. We fell in love and we had a good love. We got married we never thought never argued we were always loving toward another.... And I think that is what's killed me through all of this. I love this man with all my heart and I truly thought that we are going to be together forever cause I thought he was my soulmate. We were happy intermarriage and we didn't fight we laughed a lot we kissed a lot that was a lot of romance and then all of a sudden his business started going downhill, and that's when my life exploded. He is always wanted to be successful is a very very bright and talented person inside slowly started to kill him and eat at him. During this time I was very successful and I think that even killed him a little bit more. Regardless since late fall of 2012 slowly but surely my life has crumbled and shattered. I started confronting him about his drinking at this time and then through the spring of 2013. He talked about wanting to get help he talked about being an alcoholic and so I thought we are making headway. And then all of a sudden I found emails to another girl. She was a friend of both of ours. They never met up they never were intimate other than the emails but there were phone calls as well. He started talking about you look at what your man gets to do and telling her things that he would tell me and if I didn't react to good way he would tell them to her to get a better reaction. I confronted him about this in April 2013 and he was devastated he balled his eyes out to me he told me he loved me more than anything and that he happened I was going to leave him and that's why you done it. He told me he can't believe you never hurt me like that and that I was his soulmate and you love me more than anything he was just really ****** up right now. We started to go to marriage counseling and he cut off all ties with her. And then all of a sudden in August 2013 things changed. He got really angry he found out that a lot of people knew that he was an alcoholic or that he was abusing alcohol and blames me for telling them. I didn't tell them but I feel like he thinks I did because he doesn't believe that they could just now on their own. Since that date we have been going back-and-forth trying to figure out what's going on to. Some days he is so kind and gentle and says he needs help that he is really screwed up and then other days he super mean and manipulative and makes me feel that I'm worthless. I am only now starting to realize how he manipulated me and our relationship, I think due to alcohol. I guess I know there's no magic ball or crystal ball that told you what is going to happen in the future but I need advice on what I should do. I have just been trying to disconnect a little bit and let him hit rock bottom but it's not working. He has pushed everyone out of his life, friends, family.... And says he doesn't want to hurt anymore or feel so he doesn't want to talk to anyone. I guess I am just at a loss and truely devestated. I lost my husband, my best friend, my partner, my confidant. I didn't even realize how close and in love we were until it was gone and I had no one.

I despise this disease.

Mountainmanbob

Christian counseling with a fine Pastor helped us

true
he did set down some biblical rules we both had to follow

thus -- both must be willing

MM

FeelingGreat

Hi hcapon, welcome to SR. The forum where you'll meet lots of other people in your situation is called 'Friends and Family of Alcoholics'. If you go to that forum you'll see some postings at the top called 'stickies'. Read through them and you'll become much more informed about what you're facing. Also have a look at the current threads - you are not alone!
The usual line is that you can't make an alcoholic stop drinking; they have to want it for themselves, and forcing them into a corner often sends them underground (hidden bottles, drinking in the car etc). First up, look after yourself, and see if you can find some support for you from Al-anon or a counsellor. You can come up with a plan for dealing with this, rather than feeling helpless and distressed.

hcapon

Mountain man Bob that would work except for he is completely fell off the deep end as of lately. He is drinking till oblivion every night and feels like he is failed his life and doesn't even care. From the reading that I've been doing in the Al-Anon classes that I've been going to it sounds pretty typical of the well I screwed everything up so that's it....kind of thing. He brought me to God years ago, and he and I were to the strongest Christians we knew. Now he says he doesn't believe in God and he hates him and he called him names and all that kind of stuff it's really really difficult. I wish there was something that I could do for him but at this point he hates most people around them hates his life hates God and doesn't want help so I just have to sit and wait I guess is that the best advice. Anyone?

least

Please take care of yourself, first and foremost. It's such a helpless feeling watching someone you love destroying themselves. Keep going to your AlAnon meetings. You need all the support you can get. And maybe post your questions in the friends and family forum for more insight from others in your position.