A new low
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by 1lifeleft 
Hi,
So this weekend has been very bad for me. My wife was away and I made the genius decision to go out for a leaving do for a girl at work who I've been car sharing with for the best part of a year, after drinking half a bottle of vodka.
Met everybody at the first place and there was another girl there who was very flirty with me, I can barely remember much after arriving but we went to a club after.
Now here's the bad bit, I have a very dim recollection that I may have touched up the girl I car share with! I think we were standing at the bar and I was fondling her butt quite a lot, dunno what else happened and I might have done similar with the flirty girl. I know that groping a girl is a serious matter and I cant recall if it was unwanted on her part, she was drinking but I cant recall how drunk she was. She has a long term partner unlike the flirty girl.
She has text me to say she's taking the train to work next week, said there was no reason but isn't very talkative. I sent a text apologising if I did anything to annoy her, said I have an issue with drinking. I'm hoping she just feels a bit guilty and doesn't want to see me too much as she's leaving anyway, terrified that all of the office will know what I did... Even more terrified my wife will find out.
This is my second post here, clearly my first attempt to stop drinking didn't pan out. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk but this one scares me, I'm not some pervert who feels up women against their wishes and don't want to be that person.
Every time I try to stop drinking it doesn't last, I don't even tell myself I'll just have a couple and that'll be it.
I don't know if I'm going to get away with this one, I'm hoping that when the girl leaves then it will be done with and I can move on. Honesty may be the best policy but I don't want my wife to think of me as a cheater, I'd never do this stuff sober... I wish alcohol didn't exist for me to have the option to drink.
So this weekend has been very bad for me. My wife was away and I made the genius decision to go out for a leaving do for a girl at work who I've been car sharing with for the best part of a year, after drinking half a bottle of vodka.
Met everybody at the first place and there was another girl there who was very flirty with me, I can barely remember much after arriving but we went to a club after.
Now here's the bad bit, I have a very dim recollection that I may have touched up the girl I car share with! I think we were standing at the bar and I was fondling her butt quite a lot, dunno what else happened and I might have done similar with the flirty girl. I know that groping a girl is a serious matter and I cant recall if it was unwanted on her part, she was drinking but I cant recall how drunk she was. She has a long term partner unlike the flirty girl.
She has text me to say she's taking the train to work next week, said there was no reason but isn't very talkative. I sent a text apologising if I did anything to annoy her, said I have an issue with drinking. I'm hoping she just feels a bit guilty and doesn't want to see me too much as she's leaving anyway, terrified that all of the office will know what I did... Even more terrified my wife will find out.
This is my second post here, clearly my first attempt to stop drinking didn't pan out. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk but this one scares me, I'm not some pervert who feels up women against their wishes and don't want to be that person.
Every time I try to stop drinking it doesn't last, I don't even tell myself I'll just have a couple and that'll be it.
I don't know if I'm going to get away with this one, I'm hoping that when the girl leaves then it will be done with and I can move on. Honesty may be the best policy but I don't want my wife to think of me as a cheater, I'd never do this stuff sober... I wish alcohol didn't exist for me to have the option to drink.
I try to take any positives at all these days and try not to dwell on things we cannot change time being one of them, if we could go back then this site for one would not exist!! Now the positive that I see in you, firstly you know drinking is the worst thing for you which is the hardest thing to admit when a functional dependent person as we try to kid ourselves that we are normal and have no problem, but hey we do. Secondly admitting to your wife would be the morally correct thing to do and I doubt she will give you a harder time than you are giving yourself right now. Living life sober has so many benefits and maybe you need this to get you back on track and appreciate what you have as a lot of people have lost everything through the bottom of a glass.
Hope all goes well my friend.
Stuart.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Maybe this is just me, but I don't think I ever did anything drunk that wasn't in my heart already. I hope this makes since. Sure, I may not have actually acted out as much when sober, but my actions, the way I acted when drunk or high were a part of me and ultimately what I really wanted to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 12
Welcome to SR, 1lifeleft
I’m new here, too … can relate. Lost count of the embarrassing apologies I’ve had to make over the years. I have done things drunk I would NEVER do sober. I’m certain many of us have.
We cannot turn back time and change the past. But what you CAN do, like Nonsensical said, is make this your lowest low.
Which means … it can only get better from here.
Glad you are here – you will find lots of support. Just stick around. Good luck.
Best,
Saille
I’m new here, too … can relate. Lost count of the embarrassing apologies I’ve had to make over the years. I have done things drunk I would NEVER do sober. I’m certain many of us have.
We cannot turn back time and change the past. But what you CAN do, like Nonsensical said, is make this your lowest low.
Which means … it can only get better from here.
Glad you are here – you will find lots of support. Just stick around. Good luck.
Best,
Saille
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
I don't think I'll tell anyone about this unless I'm forced to, maybe not the noblest way forward but I don't want to cause any pain if I can avoid it. I think the chances of it coming out are very slim, the girl is leaving in a week and my wife doesn't know anyone from my work. Guess I'll just have to hold my head up and walk in the office and hope it all blows over quickly.
This is a serious wake up call, I've thrown the booze out the house and will make it clear to my wife I want to change. She knows I have problems with booze, I guess she doesn't want to nag me constantly with it. It scares me that I become something else when I drink, just a blank space where memories of what I've done are and this horrible anxiety that everything is going be ruined because of my weakness and inability to control my drinking
This is a serious wake up call, I've thrown the booze out the house and will make it clear to my wife I want to change. She knows I have problems with booze, I guess she doesn't want to nag me constantly with it. It scares me that I become something else when I drink, just a blank space where memories of what I've done are and this horrible anxiety that everything is going be ruined because of my weakness and inability to control my drinking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Posts: 214
You've already apologized to her and admitted you have a drinking problem...that's all you can do for now. Chances are if she was drinking as well, she might think she did something inappropriate.
I remember facing a few of those Mondays at work after an office party myself. It usually turned out the other party involved was just as mortified as I was!
I would think of this as a mutual mistake that is unlikely to occur again (at least with each other) and as you said a wake up call for you!
I remember facing a few of those Mondays at work after an office party myself. It usually turned out the other party involved was just as mortified as I was!
I would think of this as a mutual mistake that is unlikely to occur again (at least with each other) and as you said a wake up call for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
I am so sorry, but I can't imagine a time were I didn't drink so I could do what I wanted to do, but could not do sober. Perhaps I am alone in this behavior, but it made me take a good look at myself-- drunk or sober. Whatever I did drunk was ME! ... just a sometimes dark sometimes jovial me, but an over the top version of myself.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Oh, I am so sorry for where you are right now. Reading it brought me right back to all those mornings of "what have I done?" horror. Be sure to keep this feeling close in your mind so that you can go back to it when you're a few days, weeks, month down the road and start thinking things "weren't that bad". My experience is that I would "get away with it" too many times, and that would only help me minimize the problem when I wanted to drink again.
You can do this. I did the same thing over and over for many years and I have over four months now. I never thought it was possible, but it is, and it is so much better.
Good luck and keep posting, looking forward to hearing more from you!
You can do this. I did the same thing over and over for many years and I have over four months now. I never thought it was possible, but it is, and it is so much better.
Good luck and keep posting, looking forward to hearing more from you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
Thanks to everyone for helping me realize I can take something positive away from this experience, my natural instinct is to let catastrophic thinking take over and imagine all the terrible things that can happen and not see that it could be worse. I feel much more driven to quit than ever before, although I'm ashamed to say I've probably said it before after my other blackout incidents... One day at a time I guess
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm curious about your line of thinking.....drunk groping other women IS cheating on your wife....drunk behavior or not doesn't excuse it.
wow, you are relieved that " your wife doesn't know anyone from your work so she won't find out"...but it does not change that YOU know what you did by your behavior. from my female perspective, you are just using your being drunk as an excuse for your groping.
whatever side of you this is, it is wrong...you seem to be MORE worried about people noticing your behavior than the reason WHY you did it..." I was drunk" is a cheap excuse.
and I have been on the receiving end of this behavior, so perhaps that is why I look at you from this angle....save your butt at whatever cost, so no one knows what you did.
How do you treat your wife when you are sober?
wow, you are relieved that " your wife doesn't know anyone from your work so she won't find out"...but it does not change that YOU know what you did by your behavior. from my female perspective, you are just using your being drunk as an excuse for your groping.
whatever side of you this is, it is wrong...you seem to be MORE worried about people noticing your behavior than the reason WHY you did it..." I was drunk" is a cheap excuse.
and I have been on the receiving end of this behavior, so perhaps that is why I look at you from this angle....save your butt at whatever cost, so no one knows what you did.
How do you treat your wife when you are sober?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
Well I'm fairly complicated, anxiety, depression, possible sociopathic and schizophrenia tendencies, high functioning aspergers, all these things combined give me a pretty unusual flexibility in regards to my conscience... So yes, I'm more worried about the drama it will cause me than feeling bad per se. No I don't think that's right as such but I'm always in 2 minds as to whether love and morality is innate to me or it's just a general social construct to enable humans to live together peacefully. I can live with another secret to stop her being unhappy.
I love my wife to the best of my ability, I drink to quiet all the noise and voices in my head and the fear I have about everything. I don't want to be a drunk anymore, my wife may deserve a better man than me but I think I could be enough to make her happy. Her happiness is the important thing, I've worn a mask most of my life so I can wear it for her. It doesn't bother me nowadays that I'm empty, the world has a need of men like me who can act without emotion sometimes.
Slightly off topic I know sorry.
I love my wife to the best of my ability, I drink to quiet all the noise and voices in my head and the fear I have about everything. I don't want to be a drunk anymore, my wife may deserve a better man than me but I think I could be enough to make her happy. Her happiness is the important thing, I've worn a mask most of my life so I can wear it for her. It doesn't bother me nowadays that I'm empty, the world has a need of men like me who can act without emotion sometimes.
Slightly off topic I know sorry.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by 1lifeleft
This is my second post here, clearly my first attempt to stop drinking didn't pan out. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk but this one scares me, I'm not some pervert who feels up women against their wishes and don't want to be that person.
I've also read your later comments about your psychiatric issues and your psychopathy, and I can empathize with your situation. But the only way to act responsibly is to act responsibly. And for many of us, this means putting down the drink rather than searching for excuses or a way out of the consequences of our bad behavior while we're drinking.
This is why we so often talk about or read about making a commitment not to drink no matter what and, perhaps more importantly, the willingness to go to any lengths to get sober. I've yet to see anything else that yields better results.
I do hope you're in treatment for your other issues as well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Some great advice here 
and for the record all the psychiatric assessments in the world would mean very little in a court of law if either of these women decided to press charges.
You've had a clear wake up call,. I hope you respond to that fully in all aspects.
Give it all you've got, 1lifeleft.
D
and for the record all the psychiatric assessments in the world would mean very little in a court of law if either of these women decided to press charges.
You've had a clear wake up call,. I hope you respond to that fully in all aspects.
Give it all you've got, 1lifeleft.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 25
The idea of facing charges is more terrifying than anything I could possibly imagine, would pretty much ruin my life. It's enough to scare me off alcohol for life it really is, which would be a positive except I don't know if I could live with myself afterwards! I just have to pray she feels some responsibility, she's definitely been flirting with me for the last year or so, can't remember if there was any come on from her when we were out. Just have to pray she just wants to forget about the whole thing and feels guilty too.
If anyone reading this has been doubting that they should take charge of their issues trust me, I'd give anything right now not to be feeling like this.
If anyone reading this has been doubting that they should take charge of their issues trust me, I'd give anything right now not to be feeling like this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London
Posts: 10
Hi, just wanted to say I understand your pain, it's a horrible frightening feeling. You can use this in a positive way though! I'm on day 7 today of not drinking, through that 7 days if I felt like I need a bottle of vodka..... I have sat and really thought about last Monday, the pain I caused, the hurt, the upset... I can't ever take it back, but if I don't hide from that feeling, I keep trying to remember it...... I know that is what's keeping me sober.
I hope your week goes ok, perhaps post here every day? We all in this together.
Stay strong x
I hope your week goes ok, perhaps post here every day? We all in this together.
Stay strong x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 37
The worst thing you can do, the absolute worst, is to ever pick up another drink. I think people will let this incident slide but one more inappropriate party or work function and your world will come crashing down. I've seen it happen.... to me.
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