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Old 03-29-2014, 11:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Its been a long time


Decided I needed make a visit and just let yall know I am still alive. But I dont come with any changes. I have really let myself go to levels I never thought in all my years using. But thatsy fault. I found the cure for my crack addiction however. A man that has all but treated me any kind of way a man should treat a woman. I have lost everything I own. Homeless for the first time in my life. Feeling sorry for myself because Im the one who loat everything..y apartment..even my dog Bless. And nobody seems to care. The ones I loat it all trying to save it all. And I ended up losing it all. I crossed a line I swore I wouldnt. I have become an occasional IV uaer. But its not really my thing. I dont really get the whole thing. Too much work and supplies into that. plus Im mot fond of puking for hours. So thank goodness foe that. So I already see it coming. What am I going to do. Probably what I always do. Nothing so why come here. Dont know. Meed to be lectured and need to get it out to sober people. Maybe this will be the time it clicks. Im so sick ofyself. Its pathetic. I dont even try. I will own that. I want to bit I am so comfortable on misery. That has tp be it right?
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Aysha, I am glad to see you. I've thought about you from time to time and wondered how you were getting along.

I hope you'll post on SR more! you've been missed. There has to be a way up for you. I just don't believe you are lost beyond recall. Please stick around. read here every day. I think you are closer than you may realize to recovering.

love from Lenina
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Old 03-30-2014, 12:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Ayesha...we care. I'm sorry that you've lost so much, but you need to believe there's another way. It doesn't need to be like this...there's more than one ending for your story. There is always hope.

I'm glad your back and posting. Please stick around. Is there face to face support in your life too?
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Alcohol free since February 1st, 2016.


Drinking will kill me. If I start thinking any differently, it's a lie.
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Old 03-30-2014, 01:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Please come back to SR. We are here for you.

I am sorry you are going through so much.
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Old 03-30-2014, 01:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome back! I'm one of the newer ones, but my life but pretty unmanageable at one time. I hope you can turn it around, Aysha. Life is still worth trying for, no matter how bad things are now.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Wow hola otra vez! I remember you were on here 5 years ago when I got sober! Good to see you posting again! Have you been going to any of the fellowships (AA,NA etc)? Get in there, change your life:-)
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Aysha and hopefully you can keep coming. After many restarts keep coming sunk in and is well worth the effort involved as you have probably experienced. I needed to do things I didn't want to and was encouraged that it was for my benefit and it was. I'm thinking of the people you could help by telling your story here or at meetings. I realize that seem out of reach for now but that is what helps people, people helping people.

BEST WISHES.
BE WELL
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AA IS NOT A SENTENCE, ITíS A REPRIEVE.

ALCOHOL-ISM= INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY.

I CAME FOR MY DRINKING AND STAYED FOR MY THINKING.

WE ARE NOT FAILING AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING.

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenina View Post
Aysha, I am glad to see you. I've thought about you from time to time and wondered how you were getting along.

I hope you'll post on SR more! you've been missed. There has to be a way up for you. I just don't believe you are lost beyond recall. Please stick around. read here every day. I think you are closer than you may realize to recovering.

love from Lenina
Ditto. Welcome back. Is your grandmother able to help you?
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome back, Aysha.

I hope you do whatever it takes to get sober and take care of yourself.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 03-30-2014, 12:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome back.

Do you have any face to face support available, AA, NA?
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Old 03-30-2014, 12:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hey, sweetie, I'm glad you're back here. I've missed you. You are wrong, in one aspect, WE care. I was keeping up with you on the book of faces but you dropped off there, too. I can't imagine how hard it was to leave Bless and your life behind. Knowing we did it by our own actions is a double whammy, I know. BTDT.


I'm not going to preach, I'm just going to say that you've been through a lot and you CAN get past this, too. Keep reading and posting here.

I'm not around as much, as I'm working like crazy soon, but I still try to check in here and on book of faces, and you know how to get hold of me if you want to.

You're back with the people who have always loved you, no matter what, we just want the best for you.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-30-2014, 02:58 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Aysha, I am glad you decided to drop in , I have often wondered what happened to you. I hope you decide to come by more often, you never know something might just click you read here. Lots of caring people here.
Take care.
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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It's good to see you again. I'm sorry for your circumstances and that you lost everything. Am especially sad you lost your dog. What happened to Bless?

I hope you can find the strength to get up and try recovery again. There's no future in using, as you know.

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Old 03-30-2014, 04:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Aysha I've often thought of you and wished you'd come back. I hope posting here will help you find the strength to give sobriety another shot. You are sad and miserable - there has to be a way to find some happiness and hope for the future. You're still young and you can turn this around.
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 03-30-2014, 06:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Aysha

I'm glad to hear from you, but sorry to hear whats been happening.

I've told this story before but when I first got here you were one of my idols - you were clean and happy.

I still think that's achievable for you again

there's a great future ahead of you in recovery - you could do so much to help others as well as yourself - if that's what you want.

I'll be praying that you find whatever it is you need to get back on the right road
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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trish, i too have wondered how you were doing

though in my heart i knew

the self-pity doesn't fly with me as you know

and how timely on your part

as tomorrow is the 8 year anniversary of my trishes death!

do nothing, or do!

many worse then you have made it, and you can too

so shut up, and follow the directions if you want it

your not any hi bottom case here, and i might get reamed for saying all this

your a real addict!

real addicts need real ass kick'n!

i've always rooted for you, though this isn't about my wants

find a recovery program that works for you,

and work it as hard as you worked this mess you made!
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