Kinda new here
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Kinda new here
It's been over a year since I was last on this site. So long ago, I've forgotten where to go to post my first message, so the Newcomers section seemed like as good a place as any.
I have been in and out of my addiction to alcohol since I was here last, more in that out. Currently, I am 6 weeks sober (as of tomorrow). I have been taking Antabuse for the past month or so, and that is helping to steel my resolve, but I honestly think I've gotten so sick and tired of drinking, I wouldn't drink even if I wasn't taking it. The catalyst for this quit was health concerns, but so many other things are complicated by drinking, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I won't ramble so much for my first post. Just wanted to say something to break the ice. I was on another sobriety site recently, but I'm afraid it left much to be desired. I remember that I liked this one better.
More later...
I have been in and out of my addiction to alcohol since I was here last, more in that out. Currently, I am 6 weeks sober (as of tomorrow). I have been taking Antabuse for the past month or so, and that is helping to steel my resolve, but I honestly think I've gotten so sick and tired of drinking, I wouldn't drink even if I wasn't taking it. The catalyst for this quit was health concerns, but so many other things are complicated by drinking, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I won't ramble so much for my first post. Just wanted to say something to break the ice. I was on another sobriety site recently, but I'm afraid it left much to be desired. I remember that I liked this one better.
More later...
Congrats on six weeks sober! Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
It sucks when I've quit and gone back so often, I have to keep my excitement about the current quit to myself. Hell, I'm sometimes even afraid to speak it out loud to myself! The AV is always at the ready to say, "Yeah, where have I heard that weak rap before? Same tired old BS you've been saying... how many times now? Heh! You'll be back. You say you're worried you've wrecked your health and it might kill you if you drink again? You've said that before, too, but every time you quit, in about a month or two, your health is as good as new. You worry too much, man! You know what's good for worrying?"
Interesting how I always insert a little comedy when I imagine my AV. It's like this old acquaintance who has a way of lightening the mood for a while, but leaves me feeling sick, depleted, and empty. It's like an ex who shows up to use me one more time, then leaves. Except when it comes to drinking, it has never been just "one more time." When I crack that door, next thing I know, I've busted it off the hinges. In no time I'm back to a 5th of vodka/day, all day, everyday.
Over the past year leading up to the current quit, the periods of drinking vs sobriety were more frequent. Two months on, two month off. Three months on, three months off. I became increasingly aware that one of the main reasons I continued to drink was simply to avoid withdrawal. I wanted to set aside a day or two to suffer through that alone, but found it more and more difficult to find time alone. In mid-February, there was a snow storm where I live. I was snowed in with my significant other. I thought I had enough vodka to hold me over. I was wrong. My last evening there, I ran out, and that night was terrifying. Worst withdrawal I've ever experienced. No seizures or anything like that, but sheer panic. I felt like I was either going to have a heart attack, or a stroke, or a nervous breakdown. Absolutely miserable experience. But I weathered the storm, and here I am, 6 weeks later.
It's late here now and I'm pooped, so that will be enough for tonight. Thanks to those who have responded so far.
Interesting how I always insert a little comedy when I imagine my AV. It's like this old acquaintance who has a way of lightening the mood for a while, but leaves me feeling sick, depleted, and empty. It's like an ex who shows up to use me one more time, then leaves. Except when it comes to drinking, it has never been just "one more time." When I crack that door, next thing I know, I've busted it off the hinges. In no time I'm back to a 5th of vodka/day, all day, everyday.
Over the past year leading up to the current quit, the periods of drinking vs sobriety were more frequent. Two months on, two month off. Three months on, three months off. I became increasingly aware that one of the main reasons I continued to drink was simply to avoid withdrawal. I wanted to set aside a day or two to suffer through that alone, but found it more and more difficult to find time alone. In mid-February, there was a snow storm where I live. I was snowed in with my significant other. I thought I had enough vodka to hold me over. I was wrong. My last evening there, I ran out, and that night was terrifying. Worst withdrawal I've ever experienced. No seizures or anything like that, but sheer panic. I felt like I was either going to have a heart attack, or a stroke, or a nervous breakdown. Absolutely miserable experience. But I weathered the storm, and here I am, 6 weeks later.
It's late here now and I'm pooped, so that will be enough for tonight. Thanks to those who have responded so far.
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