Teigan5

I've suffered from depression all my life and now my depression is back with a vengeance. I need to get back to work on Monday but really don't feel I can face it. Just feel like sh#t. No energy and bain just not working. Brick walls, head feals like everything pressing in on it, but doesn't hurt.

Try18

I think depression is natural in the early days of sobriety. Keep your head up. Have you got any face to face support? I am also from Scotland, not your area, though, I'm in Glas. But I googled it for you, here are some AA meetings in the Fife area:

Regional & Local Websites (new) | Members | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd

Be strong.

Eibon

Hi Teigan. Well done for posting... I appreciate how hard this must be. I have also suffered with bouts of depression which tend to be amplified in the early days of sobriety. Being drained of energy to do the simplest of things on a daily basis is something few understand. Support is here for you. Please keep posting and talking... eventually you WILL see some light. Stay strong.. strength and power to you

Teigan5

Thank you. I am already attending AA in Fife.

Eibon

Excellent news. Simple but massive step. As I said.. please keep in touch with the SR site. We are all here to support and just listen. WELL DONE YOU!

Teigan5

I'm worried if I take next week off work I'll loose my job. So mixed up at the moment. I feel I should get another job in a different type of environment, but scared to take that step in case I don't get another job and that makes me worse. On the other hand I'm scared of going back and making more mistakes so getting into more trouble.

Eibon

Oh Teigan.. you do sound mixed up. Just in that last post you mention "worried", "scared" etc. Its OK to feel these things. Its natural for these emtions to surface when we are at this point. Fear is the thing that got us here in many ways. All I can say is NOTHING is more important than your sobriety right now. You don't need to make a decision about working until Monday morning when you think about it. Imagine what healthier / stronger state of mind you will be in if you get to that point being sober from now....?? Be kind to yourself today.... see how you feel on Sunday... worrying about Monday now wont do you any good. Build your strength over the next few hours and today. I am not trying to suggest your job situation is not a real worry and concern.. I am just saying your priority is staying sober today and that will make you feel better tomorrow... the better and stronger you feel, the more equipped you will be to deal with lifes other challenges... strength to you .. we are all here for you...

toddle118

Hi Teigan, I can relate to this too, have suffered with depression most of my life, drinking helped at first, before it destroyed just about every aspect of my life. Do you have a sympathetic GP who could write you a sick note for work? Or could you talk to your boss about your depression and ask for a week off (if necessary unpaid if you could afford it) to have some time to rest and make a plan with your GP?

Teigan5

Thanks guys for your suport. I am a contractor so don't get aid when I'm off. My wife doesn't earn much and things are always tuff financially. I just move over onto this contract 5 months ago and not been getting on well with it. STAYING SOBER is the most important thing for me. Like you say Toddle drink did hel to suppress the depression but wasted my brain and hence caused me to make lots of stupid mistakes and decisions. I know life is going to be very tough for a while, but I feel so guilty for what I have done to my wife and am so worried at adding further financial difficulties to her and hurting her more.

Teigan5

Having to take one of the dogs to the vet so will be off line for a bit. Thanks again for your support as it really helps.

Thepatman

I can also relate. You have to find motivating phrases to you must repeat to yourself.

That's just me but if let myself "go" into the negative thinking pattern I will loose it. I often catch myself thinking this is all hopeless, maintaining sobriety, life itself is hard, the job (I am a team lead) single parent of a little one etc. but then I start to change my thinking pattern, I am the best, I am stronger than all this, nothing can stop me, I am not weak, no surrender no mercy, this is Sparta!! Do I believe it right away, NO! But it moves me in the forward direction, believe in yourself and that things will get better if you believe in it. Lookup the Secret book or movie. Every time you plant a negative thought the universe will respond accordingly. But if you plant the positive seeds in your mind, be patient and they will come!!!

Lift yourself above all this, the depression exist, do NOT feed it wit negative thinking.

Watch this, repeat as needed, sing it loud if you must

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw
.

ReadyAtLast

Hi Teigan.It is very normal in early sobriety-everything feels so raw early on but it does improve. It's almost as if it gets worse before it gets better but it does get so much better.

I've been depressed most of my life too and been on and off anti-ds.It does get better though if you stay off the drink, I'm 15 months sober now and feel better than I have ever felt. My depression has disappeared and I realize the alcohol most probably caused/increased it.

KateL

It will get better xxx

Teigan5

I just don't know who I am anymore...

RevivingOphelia

Sending strength to get you through these rough days.

Eire88

This brings me back to my first days off drink, I was so confused and I listened to everything people said at meetings and on these forums and got even more confused, taking it one day at a time I was able to let the fog of booze lift and finally I could hear.. I was able to build an understanding of my disease and edge towards freedom.. I'm not half grateful enough for the gift of sobriety but going to meetings, meeting new members, logging on here and seeing all the support helps me realise all I have and all I need to do to keep it is stay away from one drink for one day.. Good luck my friend, if I can do this, I know you can. Eire 88

biminiblue

I know in my case, thinking about what I've done wrong and worrying are toxic.

I can't unring a bell. I can (and do) apologize when I need to apologize. Then I move on. I can't spend my limited energy on other peoples' reactions to me or to situations.

I try to pick a phrase for the day. It helps me to read a devotional-type poem or Thought For The Day calendar first thing every morning.

The thoughts I allow myself are the way my day is going to go. If I start it off in thoughtful meditation or prayer, my day goes so much smoother.

The anxiety and depression will lift, give yourself time. Therapy, AA meetings, calling a supportive person, reading books or websites about addiction and mental health are all really great tools in my box of Help. It also helps me to eat well, limit caffeine and sugar, and get a little exercise daily - even a 15 minute walk is really restorative.

And then there's time and patience. It sometimes goes quickly and sometimes slowly. I try to remain present in this moment.

Teigan5

Feeling a bit bit better and trying to motivate myself to go out on my road bike (cycle) to get some exercise, just finding it to get over that brick wall. I keep procrastinating.

Teigan5

Managed to get out on the bike. Just back and feel a bit better. at least all the thoughts going round my mind were dulled for an hour. 3rd time on it this week and I'll try again tomorrow.

littlefish

I can't even begin to count the numbers of people in the rooms of AA who got sober and their mind cleared up ....they were depressed. Probably unknowingly they were self-medicating with alcohol to treat the depression.
The good news is that once they were sober they started taking care of themselves: went to their doctors and therapists and were prescribed medications for their depression. It's a win win situation in recovery....