Confessions From Christine
 

How can a person continually participate in the one thing that kills their soul? I did it again on Saturday. This seems hopeless. What kind of idiot am I? Going to meetings, doing my steps and then drinking. I didn't even think about it. I was with a friend that drinks we were outside enjoying the day, his frig was filled with beer and I just went a grabbed one. No thought whatsoever as to what I was doing. Usually I atleast think about it, try to not drink.

I won't give up. I'll go to my nooner meeting. Start over, no continue.

Christine

(((((((((CHRISTINE))))))))))
I MUST HAVE STEP ONE IMPLANTED IN MY BRAIN BEFORE I CAN EVEN THINK ABOUT THE REST OF THEM.HIT THOSE MEETINGS AND SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,GODSPEED CHRISTINE :angel: ...............ted

For me I can not hang out with people that are using. I agree using kills me and my soul. It's like putting a loaded shotgun in my mouth. Hanging out with people who are using, they are putting the loaded shotgun to my mouth. I can't hang out with them. Everytime I relapsed I found out what I was doing wrong in my program, it seems like it was people,places,things for you. When I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired, I gave up these "friends" and got new ones in my fellowship.

Hi Christine

I have to choose my friends and events very carefully. The last thing I can do is just hang around where people are just drinking. One day I'm sure I could, but now, nope.
My recovery comes first.

much love

JC

It was extremly important to avoid all situations that would trigger me. I know I just wasn't strong enough to resist the temptations, as it was so ingrained in me, grab a beer, slam a few, get drunk. When we first get sober it can be overwhelming to constantly remind ourselves, we just can't drink. No matter what! Do whatever it takes! Make those meetings, stay in the company of AA friends. Our brain, and body is learning to re-program out of these habits. I'd be at the table and grab thin air, thinking a beer can was there! Crazy! You'll get the hang of changing those behaviors, if this is what you really want, you'll be okay!

I'm totally with the others Christine. I stayed away from people and places that I knew were 'bad' for me. It was the only way to get through those times. You can do this, don't give up!

Love, Anna

"People, places and things."
Sobriety involves change.
Lots of it sometimes. And it sometimes tugs at our hearts. We however need to remind ourselves of one simple thing. When it comes to alcohol, we can't control our consumption. My other fellowship has a saying... One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
Time for a first step again Christine:hug:

Hi Christine. Same story here. I went on a binge this weekend. I had to see my friends and go out to a bar I shouldn't have been to. Meeting my sponsor tonight. Feeling physically sick right now. Keep going.

You are not hopeless, nor is sobriety......and you are not an idiot!

My sponsor has always said, "If we don't change everything we do, and how we do it, we won't stay sober........" Hang with program people.

You had the courage to come back here and post! MY hat is off to you!

Relapse does NOT have to be a part of recovery.......Today is a new day.

Tom

Girl, you are so brave to let us know...I know how you feel because I too messed up on Saturday by being with the wrong crowd at the wrong place. :34: I am with you...and we both need to learn how to avoid these places & people...the fact that to drink is something we don't even think about is part (if not the majority) of our problem. But start working the steps again and talk to your sponsor about it. Mr. D is a very wise man...and don't beat yourself up. Just start fresh. I am praying for you! :grouphug: Love ya!

Athena, Cudos to you too! Good to see you here, no matter what! Ya got the courage, keep coming back!

T

A couple of thoughts... You have to realize alcoholism is a disease that we cannot control on our own - just like Dan said. Second, I came to the conclusion that if I kept drinking, I was going to throw my life away - that's powerful motivation to get help.

I went through outpatient treatment, along with meetings and it worked for me. A lot of medical insurance plans will pick up most of the cost, including the chemical dependency evaluation. You might want to check it out.

Just a thought, but I, like a lot of others have been there and it can get better!!

One last thing, when I was trying to quit, I kept saying to myself "I can quit on my own." But I could not!! That is what finding your higher power is about. Take care.

Dave

I'm writing to see how you are doing. Post and let us know how you are. K?

Christine
 

Hey Christine Welcome Home
Dont beat yourself up too bad SH#T Happens! But we get back
up on the horse and try again.
Oh! and christine :nono: "AVOID SLIPPERY PLACES!!"
If you hang out in a Barbor shop your
bound to get a hair cut!! (you know?)
and it couldnt hurt to read chapter three of the BIG BOOK
Take Care and "Keep Coming Back"
"perservierance and persistance"

:grouphug:dansanaddict





"He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic.
Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside
in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey
if he only mixed it with milk!"
A.A. B.B. page 36/37

Back!!
 

Thank you so much everyone, really!!! From the bottom of my heart.

I'm taking in all of your advice and yes, I will be avoiding ALL slippery places and people. I even mentioned to my friend today through an e-mail that I'm sorry but I'm stepping back from our friendship for awhile until I'm stronger. Gotta take care of me now.

Going to my nooner meeting too, won't miss those. I have found my home group there, I do know that much.

I went and seen my court appointed counsellor this morning. He was a blessing to me today. He asked me, "What's your biggest fear Christine?", the first thing that came to my mind was failure. I told him that as the tears came. I have a long history that I'm won't be diving into here, but I am scared, very scared. I'm scared of this new life that lies ahead of me. What if I am a truly good person who deserves to be respected and loved. Or I am responsible and trustworthy? Oh God how will I handle that. I run, I run when the tough gets going and I run when there is good in my life. I sabbatoge things when they start feeling good or I see a success coming. Who knows. Too much for the brain right now :).

I'll be back this afternoon.

Peace Out All

It's what we do. We fear to be confronted with success and happiness. It's not for nothing that our sponsors remind us to be extra vigilant around the time of our sober anniversaries. We've proven over and over again that left to our own devices, we are likely to make a choice that may be detrimental in our recovery. We're alcoholics and addicts. It's in our nature to fear good things and to feel we don't deserve the true gifts of sobriety.
That's why we work a program. A we program.
And together, we learn to accept that we are deserving people.
Good work Christine:biglaugh:

The first step in NA talks about the internal unmanageability within us. That failure was a way of life that we became familiar with. Now we have some success and we don't know how to handle them. Some of us go back to being destructive because even though it's painful, it's a familiar pain. Your doing great! Keep it up!

Sabbatoge, Self-destruction, fear, these things are familiar to us. We don't like to feel good, and we don't like to feel bad, we like to feel numb. At some point trying to feel numb becomes too much work. We are not responsible for the disease but we are responsible for our recovery. Remember that reservations keep us sick. being thourough from the star, very important. Give yourself a break, Easy Does It!!! Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness are three spiritual principles that are indispensable. Remaining willing to go to any length to stay clean is important, having a sponsor as important, calling your sponsor before you pick up, important. Hang in there, you are ready when you say you are.