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Confessions From Christine

Old 07-21-2004, 04:30 PM
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Christine?
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Old 07-21-2004, 04:52 PM
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I've been missing her posts myself. Hope everything's well Christine. Keep coming back.
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Old 07-21-2004, 05:04 PM
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Christine?
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Old 07-22-2004, 04:48 AM
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try to avoid situations where drink is.
someone in AA told me
If you sit in a barbers chair for long enough you WILL get a haircut

good luck

hiney
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Old 07-23-2004, 10:45 AM
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I didn't think anyone was out there any more . So nice to see you guys do care and read my posts.

I'm doing really good. Although, I suppose I really do need to keep up with my posting here. That's the one thing I do - start feeling good and I forget why I'm feeling good, which is because I'm sober. And to stay feeling good I need to keep posting, keep going to my AA meetings and always remember what I am, an alcoholic.

My new friend has been tremendously supportive. I've never had someone like him in my life. He wants me sober, he wants me to be happy, and find peace. I've been a positive influence in his life too, which is so cool.

I told him the other day.....

"There is a dime a dozen, one in a million, but you are once in a lifetime."

He knows that my sobriety is number 1, because without it I have nothing, which means I can't and won't be a part of his life.

Just when I gave up on love..............God knows my heart.

I know, I know....don't get all crazy and allow this person to make me nuts and let my feelings get all wiggy so I'm drinking. This IS different, I swear. I want sobriety and noone not even him will get in the way of that. I don't have anything without sobriety and that means I don't have him in my life either. I guess when you've been single so long, (I've never been married) and someone that shows you unconditional love, well....let's just say I've NEVER felt this kind of love before.

LIKE HOW SAPPY IS THAT..........LOL. See what I mean...........LOL. something is going on because a month ago all men could go to hell in a hand bag.......LOL. YIKES!!

OK, I've landed from cloud 12........I'm taking a "reality pill" hee hee

Hope everyone is doing well and maybe IN LOVE!!!

Peace Out!!
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Old 07-23-2004, 11:07 AM
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Is HE sober?

I have felt the way you are talking about too, (once in a lifetime, never felt that way before, the whole thing! ) and not to be a pessimist (cuz I'm not), but a realist, I was so in love (I thought), I could not see or understand what was really going on!

It was not as I saw it at that time, at all.

TREAD CAREFULLY CHRISTINE.................REAL CAREFULLY!

What does your female sponsor say about this?

Tom
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Old 07-23-2004, 11:53 AM
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Tom, Tom, Tom........LOL

I don't have a female sponsor. Maybe I should get one, eh?

Well I know things are feeling good with him. He's sober so far.

So I guess I shouldn't run out and elope???? But why........LOL. Just kiddin', I'm in one of my goofy moods again.

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Old 07-23-2004, 12:11 PM
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Christine, Christine, Christine, not sure how else to say this..............just how in the h*ll are you working an AA program if several things are not happening?

1) Attending meetings regularly, with commitments
2) Working the steps, daily
3) Working with a sponsor, daily
4) Being of service to others

My experience has been, if you don't do ALL FOUR, everyday, all of the time, your days are numbered.

Sober so far............is he working a program like the above?

Tom
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Old 07-23-2004, 12:14 PM
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Tom, Tom, Tom,

Well I guess I don't even know HOW to work the program? I don't have a clue. Maybe I need YOU!!!

Cory is not in the program.

Now what?
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Old 07-23-2004, 02:10 PM
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Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine! Well being open and honest is a great start, nice!

Perhaps we should switch to e-mail again.....I'm not a real good typist tho, LOL!

Tom

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Old 07-23-2004, 05:33 PM
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Well, start by getting a sponsor, NOW. How?

Talk to numerous ladies, ask a bit about their sobriety, how long they have been sober, and what type of program they work. Do they currently sponsor people? What do they expect when they sponsor people. If they would share a bit about their story, that is very helpful.

Look for somebody you can relate to, or "has something" you would like in your life. Find someone that is NOT a push over.

AFTER you have talked to several people, approach one, and ask. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED, NO MATTER WHAT. If by some chance they say no, KEEP ASKING UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE. Even if the person you start working with is only temporary, IT'S IS BETTER THAN NO ONE! ! !

1) Attending meetings regularly, with commitments
2) Work the steps, daily
3) Work with a sponsor, daily
4) Be of service to others

OK, really, it's simple.........if you make it difficult, it will be.

BTW, now means just that...........NOW. You have 48 hours.........get to work. Let us know.

(What would you do if you weren't afraid?)

Tom
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Old 07-23-2004, 08:29 PM
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stay committed

Hi,
Welcome back. Stay committed!

Get this "friend" to slap that beer right out of your hand if he catches you with it! Why didn't he question you like, "Hey, you aren't having that!" or "Hey, pour that out!" or better yet, "Hey Christine, lets not hang out while I drink beer, lets go out and do something fun and grab a latte while we are out. "
We put ourselves in social situations that test our resolve. The focus now is to learn from this so you don't suffer a repeat next time you are at a home that has a fridge full of beer.

Re-committing to your program now is better than giving up. I'm glad you are back.
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Old 07-26-2004, 11:19 AM
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Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine? ? ?

Bet I know where you have been, LOL...........get back here!
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Old 07-26-2004, 03:18 PM
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,

It was the weekend and I don't have access to this place. I had a good weekend, no drinky drinky ...LOL.

OK, so I do go to regular AA meetings. Not sure how to "work" the steps "daily". Do I remind myself, re-read the steps??? What should I be reading on a daily basis?

Finding a female sponsor...hhhhmmmmmmm. You know, I have this thing with women. The ones I meet are whiny and gossipy and too frilly. I don't know, maybe that's an excuse. Actually, there is one woman from my home group that I could relate to. I even have her e-mail address and phone number, she would be a good person to call.

Question. I was at my AA meeting last week and this one GOOF off was real arrogant saying that anyone who comes to these meetings and has "graduated" to the 5th step in one month is a joke. Alkies shouldn't even leave step one for a year. Like what is up with that???? What do you guys think. I was told the quicker a person gets to 4 and 5 and get the JUNK behind you the easier things become. This a-hole really added a downer to my "working" the program.

And for one thing I've been in and out of AA for 5 years, I'd say it's about fritzin' time I got to step 5. That jerk doesn't know sheeeeeet!!!

Service to others? Well you know, I do help women at the gym all the time. Does that count? Service to others how?

TOM!!!! HELLO!!!

And as for my beau, YES he will not be drinking around me anymore and does know the seriousness of this "disease" for me. It's all good so far. I'm trying to stay grounded but it's hard when I'm feeling so loved and in love.

I'm sober today and have been, that's what counts right?

Love you All, for real.

Peace Out.

Christine
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Old 07-26-2004, 10:49 PM
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And for one thing I've been in and out of AA for 5 years, I'd say it's about fritzin' time I got to step 5. That jerk doesn't know sheeeeeet!!!
I agree whole heartedly. Ignorance is bliss. It's not how long it takes to work the program, it's how hard you work it. IMPO if you take the time and really do some soul searching, with your sponsor, you can move along through the steps. It's not a race to the finish or a snail crawl. Work at the pace that best suits you. Good luck!!!

:tri

Talia
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Old 07-27-2004, 10:30 AM
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Thanks for that Talia.

Not sure about today. Now I'm wondering if singlehood is the way to go? Maybe I am losing focus. I know I haven't been to my nightly prayer meeting and Sharing Circle. I'm not reflecting, reading or journalling much. How do I get back on track. How do I do this??? See I'm being a stupid, needy BEOCH now. I wasn't like that when I was alone, single. It was about me and my health and recovery. I find myself worrying about this new "friend", getting hurt, being dumped, WHAT THE EFF EVER!! HELLO CHRISTINE! SNAP OUT OF IT!!! I'm such a goof off sometimes. I'm walking around in a dream like state, not reality. It feels weird, I'm out of my territory.

I need a workout. Shoulders and bi's today.

My daughter is coming to spend 8 days with me. I haven't seen her in about 3 months. I'm excited to see her.

Peace Out

Christine

PS.. new pic in my profile, the other one was 5 years old. This one was taken last week.
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Old 07-27-2004, 10:38 AM
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OK I'm CONFESSING.

Something happened last night and I sucked back 3 coolers in 5 minutes and then has a beer in 30 seconds about 15 minutes later. That was it, I didn't get drunk I just didn't want to "feel" what I was feeling at the time.

There.............done. Day effin' 1 again. What a effin' joke!!
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Old 07-27-2004, 08:29 PM
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Heya Christine,

Confession is good for the soul, especially here where you dont have to worry about being judged.

I just didn't want to "feel" what I was feeling at the time.
I know how that is, I drank so I could escape. That is the sad part about our addiction, it robs of us our coping skills and when we quit we have to relearn them.

Maybe I am losing focus. I know I haven't been to my nightly prayer meeting and Sharing Circle. I'm not reflecting, reading or journalling much. How do I get back on track. How do I do this???
Sounds like to me you already know what to do. Not going to give you advice about your relationship, just have faith that it will work out like it is supposed to. You are the most important thing right now, and you need to conentrate on yourself and your recovery.

Know that I am pulling for you amd will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

Triegger
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Old 07-27-2004, 11:25 PM
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Christine..................WE LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT! !
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Old 07-28-2004, 12:32 PM
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Merrily Merrily Merrily Life Is But A Dream.....la la la

Hello All!

How's life in the Land of the Living?....LOL....ya ok.

You know, I've read and heard a lot of "normal" "being normal". What the H#LL is normal? Who says because "sober" people don't drink they're normal? You know, EVERYONE has "something" they struggle with. Why is it, that us alkie don't think we're normal? We have "something" we have to deal with, that doesn't make us "abnormal".......my thought for the day.

I am NORMAL, very normal. I just DRINK TOO MUCH!! So there.

And how does that reflect on my feelings for today...LOL....who knows. I'm ok today.

I've have a "court order" to see a councellor, to keep my @ss out of jail because of too many DUI's. So this time I'm seeking a medical discharge. I'm forced to go to the meetings and seek counselling. Anyway, Neil (CASE worker) wants me to write everyday about my "feelings" (oh brother) on why I would possibley relapse....LOL. Ya Hello....done that a few times. I can't tell him though because he told me IF he thought I would he'd send me out to Henwood for how ever long. I can't afford that, so I lie and say everything is ok. It is......somewhat I suppose. So I go for my sentencing Sept. 10th, and Neil comes with me to tell the judge I've been a "good girl" doing whatever he says. Neil writes the reports, because he's the expert. He's my ticket to driving in Sept. and not getting another criminal charge to my record. So, I do what I have to do. For me though, really. I am wanting and ready. I'm just typing one of my stories right now.

Get this too. When I had my first appointment with Neil, he did this medical evaluation of my "problem". To find out how serious it was, or if I was b-s'in him. I answer the questions and he tallies them up. On the "medical scale" of alcoholism if you score a 4 you need to address your problem before it gets out of hand. A 5 is YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, and you better do something about it, NOW. Guess what my score was...........LOL.................go on guess...........


I'm thinking, well I'm here in this office ordered by a judge I must have a problem, so how about a 6-7 I'm thinking right. WELL HOLY F$CK, he looks at me with this look of sympathy, I don't know I can't even explain it but he says, "In all my years of councelling the highest score I've seen is a 48 and that was from a 50 some odd year old man, YOU my dear score 37, considering how young you are and being a female, this is quite a concern.".......Good God! Can you believe that? Then he says, "There is a difference Christine between "pity" and "sympathy" I have sympathy for you." Blah blah.....

Well, that's that for today Friends. Just doing my "feelings" journal .

Have a FAB day!

Peace Out.

Christine
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