Still drinking but have cut down?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London
Posts: 2
Still drinking but have cut down?
Hi all! Wow what a great forum!
I have been going to my local AA for the last 4 weeks after I ended up in the middle of nowhere and unable to get home! £200 stolen from my purse and no idea how?
The next day I realised HUGE problem!
Rang my local aa and what a welcome! I was sober for about a week, and felt great!
My BF however (initially supportive) now says he needs to be with somebody who can drink responsibly, as he enjoys a few (normally).
This is where i struggle as I know that this is really hard for me! The meetings are great and I am totally inspired and strong when I walk out!
Next day when he brings home a bottle of wine for dinner, (he only has a glass!) I am in bits!)
I have managed to control it so far, but know that this can't last! I will find some excuse!
What should I do?
I have been going to my local AA for the last 4 weeks after I ended up in the middle of nowhere and unable to get home! £200 stolen from my purse and no idea how?
The next day I realised HUGE problem!
Rang my local aa and what a welcome! I was sober for about a week, and felt great!
My BF however (initially supportive) now says he needs to be with somebody who can drink responsibly, as he enjoys a few (normally).
This is where i struggle as I know that this is really hard for me! The meetings are great and I am totally inspired and strong when I walk out!
Next day when he brings home a bottle of wine for dinner, (he only has a glass!) I am in bits!)
I have managed to control it so far, but know that this can't last! I will find some excuse!
What should I do?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Welcome to SR, saraya.
The way I look at things these days.
Sobriety is the most important thing. All else falls in place after that.
Sounds like your BF needs to respect that you're having difficulty with alcohol.
If he cares for you he'll back off.
The way I look at things these days.
Sobriety is the most important thing. All else falls in place after that.
Sounds like your BF needs to respect that you're having difficulty with alcohol.
If he cares for you he'll back off.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
If your bf loves and respects you he will support your decision to get sober even if he doesn't necessarily understand it.
Keeping drinking because your bf wants you to isn't good for you or any balance in your relationship. Sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. As you know,for people like us, there is no control.
Keeping drinking because your bf wants you to isn't good for you or any balance in your relationship. Sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. As you know,for people like us, there is no control.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Well, there are often very tough choices to make in early recovery and it sounds like that's where you are. Have you explained to your boyfriend, that you need to do this, and that alcoholism will certainly worsen as time goes on? If you have and he won't accept this, then it's time for you to move on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 476
What's the big deal?
Just get a sober BF?
Seems like a cut-and-dry situation to me. I know one girl, she goes through boyfriends like toilet paper and she doesn't seem phased at all..... she is very non-chalant about it. But then again i guess it just depends on how "attached" or "emotional" of a person you are.
Just get a sober BF?
Seems like a cut-and-dry situation to me. I know one girl, she goes through boyfriends like toilet paper and she doesn't seem phased at all..... she is very non-chalant about it. But then again i guess it just depends on how "attached" or "emotional" of a person you are.
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
I'm sure it's challenging @ beginning but sobriety is something for yourself not a bf, other friends nor family. If not, its only a matter of time & the pain of regret will start
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Warning - this may sound harsh.
Your boyfriend sounds kind of immature and selfish. To say an intimate relationship is in danger because you won't take a drug that is obviously giving you trouble is just sad.
My suggestion would be to drop this fellow. As a parting gift you could give him some nice wine - in a baby bottle - nipple and all.
Then go out and find a mature and caring guy. They are out there.
Your boyfriend sounds kind of immature and selfish. To say an intimate relationship is in danger because you won't take a drug that is obviously giving you trouble is just sad.
My suggestion would be to drop this fellow. As a parting gift you could give him some nice wine - in a baby bottle - nipple and all.
Then go out and find a mature and caring guy. They are out there.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by clearlight 
warning - this may sound harsh.
Your boyfriend sounds kind of immature and selfish. To say an intimate relationship is in danger because you won't take a drug that is obviously giving you trouble is just sad.
My suggestion would be to drop this fellow. As a parting gift you could give him some nice wine - in a baby bottle - nipple and all.
Then go out and find a mature and caring guy. They are out there.
Your boyfriend sounds kind of immature and selfish. To say an intimate relationship is in danger because you won't take a drug that is obviously giving you trouble is just sad.
My suggestion would be to drop this fellow. As a parting gift you could give him some nice wine - in a baby bottle - nipple and all.
Then go out and find a mature and caring guy. They are out there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
It is so hard to comment when I really do not know the full extent of the relationship/dynamic/situation. However, if I was seeing someone and told him/her that I had a serious problem with alchohol and could she/he refrain from drinking around me, at least for a while, and this person came home with a bottle and poured a glass right in front of me, I'd be out the door in a heartbeat.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Welcome to SR Saraya,your boyfriend does not have the right to say he wants you to drink.that is controlling behaviour.
If you are an Alcoholic you cannot drink,full stop.If you are an Alcoholic and continue to drink it will get worse,that is guaranteed.
You need to decide what is more important,your sobriety or your boyfriend.
For me anything in my life that has threatened my sobriety,I have let go,that did include a long term relationship.
If you are an Alcoholic you cannot drink,full stop.If you are an Alcoholic and continue to drink it will get worse,that is guaranteed.
You need to decide what is more important,your sobriety or your boyfriend.
For me anything in my life that has threatened my sobriety,I have let go,that did include a long term relationship.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: North Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 2
In my opinion, your boyfriend also has problems with alcohol. A normal person without an alcohol problem does not demand that other people keep drinking to continue their relationship. It is completely ridiculous. Misery loves company and he wants you to keep drinking so he can feel less guilty about continuing to drink, especially in front of you.
I can't tell you to drop him because I don't know the extent of your relationship, but I can tell you to do what you need to do for you and stop trying to make him happy, at least when it comes to drinking. And sit down with him and tell him that you need him to be supportive of you.
Are you in a situation in which you could leave if you had to?
I can't tell you to drop him because I don't know the extent of your relationship, but I can tell you to do what you need to do for you and stop trying to make him happy, at least when it comes to drinking. And sit down with him and tell him that you need him to be supportive of you.
Are you in a situation in which you could leave if you had to?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
It sounds like your bf has control issues. He has no right to insist that you continue drinking just to keep him company. 
I'd look closely at the relationship. Get sober for yourself, no matter what anyone else says or does. 
I'd look closely at the relationship. Get sober for yourself, no matter what anyone else says or does. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome saraya. I'm glad you found us - this is a great place to share your feelings with people who understand.
It's very hard for the normies in our life to realize what we go through. They don't understand why we can't just have 'a few' once in awhile. We know that's impossible for us. Your boyfriend is asking you to sabotage your recovery by insisting you drink. That's a strange way to treat someone he's supposed to care about. Please take good care of yourself and continue on your path. We know you can do this.
It's very hard for the normies in our life to realize what we go through. They don't understand why we can't just have 'a few' once in awhile. We know that's impossible for us. Your boyfriend is asking you to sabotage your recovery by insisting you drink. That's a strange way to treat someone he's supposed to care about. Please take good care of yourself and continue on your path. We know you can do this.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi Saraya...welcome. Hope you stick around, you'll find a lot of support here!
Over time, reading others experiences in their relationships and how they cope with sobriety you will see how crucial it is to have a supportive partner. I think you already see that's the case.
I feel very sad you ended up in the middle of nowhere, missing money...and your boyfriend should too. It's a horrible and shameful feeling and I've been there too...many of us have.
I'll give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and maybe he doesn't realise there is no such thing as just one drink for us. If he doesn't understand though, it's a big risk for your sobriety I think and may become a trigger for you to drink.
I hope you stay sober and keep doing that. You need to protect your sobriety.
Over time, reading others experiences in their relationships and how they cope with sobriety you will see how crucial it is to have a supportive partner. I think you already see that's the case.
I feel very sad you ended up in the middle of nowhere, missing money...and your boyfriend should too. It's a horrible and shameful feeling and I've been there too...many of us have.
I'll give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and maybe he doesn't realise there is no such thing as just one drink for us. If he doesn't understand though, it's a big risk for your sobriety I think and may become a trigger for you to drink.
I hope you stay sober and keep doing that. You need to protect your sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi and welcome saraya 
Anyone who loves you wants the best for you. Drinking is not the best for you.
If your bf persists with this idea of 'needing' to be with somebody who can drink responsibly, I think you have some major decisions to make now
You're not alone tho - there's tons of support here.
D
Anyone who loves you wants the best for you. Drinking is not the best for you.
If your bf persists with this idea of 'needing' to be with somebody who can drink responsibly, I think you have some major decisions to make now
You're not alone tho - there's tons of support here.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Well as you already know and everyone here has stated, that is NOT the act of a supportive boyfriend, he NEEDS to be in a relationship with a drinker?
Seriously your sobriety right now comes first and he really really needs to understand this or its hit the road Jack!
Sorry if I sound harsh just trying to help
Seriously your sobriety right now comes first and he really really needs to understand this or its hit the road Jack!
Sorry if I sound harsh just trying to help
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