2bhappier

As I delve more and more into trying to lead a sober life I see more and more evidence of how common alcohol abuse is. There are so many celebrities who struggle (David Cassidy recently). And, so many of my female friends drink a lot on a nightly basis. Some are concerned about their drinking and some are not at all. I wonder why some people (like me) found drinking to be so desirable yet cause me so much mental anguish and others drink as much as I have and never gave it another thought.

Just rambling on a Friday.

Anna

Well, it's the definition of alcoholism.

To me, alcoholism is what happens to me when I drink. It's not comparing myself to other people and what they're drinking or not drinking.

Ethos23

I am finding that too, that there is no shame in being an alcoholic. When my mind starts to drift to negative connotations of the term, I think of it like an allergy. Do I think less of someone with a peanut allergy? No. Why? Because it is beyond their control. It is how their body physiologically reacts to peanuts. Same with alcoholics and alcohol. Our bodies react different to alcohol. I think that is the answer to your question of why you kept doing something that caused you so much anguish. I recently wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol, which was an eye-opening experience. It made me realize that from the first time I drank when I was 17, I took it to the extreme and couldn't stop once I started. I threw up the very first time. Just like you said it was still "desirable" to me (actually very desirable) even after the experience of becoming ill to the point of regurgitating .

I have come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic. It is what it is. If I could have changed it, I would have by now. I am at peace with it. I will not try any longer to "moderate" to be a "normal drinker." Alcohol = chaos and despair for me. It is much harder to break the news to others. Those closest to me (family and very close friends) - yes, I have told them. Others, I tell on a need-to-know basis. I tell them I no longer drink. If they have a problem with it, that is their problem, not mine.