RiverFriendAgn

I drank again last night and try not to get discouraged but dang, why don't I just stick with my resolution to stop!! Feeling down this morning but back at it. I know something (perhaps many) needs to change but I don't know what it is. I'm my own worst enemy I guess.....went to a planning meeting last night and then stopped by the bar around the corner on my home. I made the decision to drink without any real thought about today or my goal. I am just baffled. Anyway, moving on again.

SoberLeigh

Hi RiverFriend - what tools have you used in your efforts to achieve sobriety?

RiverFriendAgn

I've been involved with AA on and off for years but have never truly picked up a sponsor (I had one that wasn't a good fit). I have friends in AA that work with me but nothing like a sponsor calling me daily to check in or have accountability. I have been wanting to try Celebrate Recovery at a local church. Other than that, I try do do a lot of reading (mainly at night) in both the Big Book, my Bible, and other supportive literature on self awareness and alcoholism. What trips me up is myself. No one offered me a drink last night, I had every opportunity to just go home, but turned off all of my good thinking, ignored the voice in my head telling me to go home, and just went to the bar. Then I wake up feeling so regretful even though I kept it minimal and don't really have a hangover - I'm just ashamed that I keep repeating this same thing on a weekly or monthly basis. I was so happy all day yesterday and love being sober. I just don't understand it...I am at a loss but am determined to stop. I don't want alcohol in my life.

aasharon90

It wasn't and still isn't about not drinking.

I had to learn about addiction. My addiction
to a controlled substance. About drinking a
poison and its affects on my mind and body.

Then to learn, absorb and apply ways not
to drink. Not to drive to a club. Learn why
it is so important not to have alcohol or drugs
in my home for easy reach or if I get angry.
Even happy.

I commend you for coming here to SR. For
searching for answers about your drinking.
Back in the day for me, computers were
just coming to light, then over the yrs.
an explosion of technology to help many
today searching for help and guidance.

I wonder if I would have had the courage
back when to seek help like you have done
today. Don't know. However.....

Learn all you can to help yourself WITH
help from others in recovery too. Folks
that have been sober or clean for sometime
now can definitely pass on many useful
suggestions in guiding you to help you
remain sober one day at a time for many
yrs. ahead of you.

It will become an awesome journey of
a lifetime and the rewards and promises
are definitely waiting for you.

GracieLou

You need to get your tools in order.

Find the tools you need and then use them. I had a friend call me last night. She just left a meeting and wanted someone to talk her home so she would not stop at the drive thru so I chatted on the phone with her until she was passed the danger zone.

It may sound extreme and maybe even stupid, I mean will power and all, but there is no such thing when it comes to alcohol or any other addictions.

She made progress, she called. She has a tool and she used it. She stayed sober that one day.

SoberLeigh

I hear you; this is really a difficult process.

Maybe I have been blessed by some really vivid dreams where I have slipped (some dreams by a little, some dreams by a lot) and in my dreams I am so disappointed, even disgusted, with myself. I guess that the reality of a slip isn't very different.

I haven't tried AA but maybe another/full try might be unhelpful.

RiverFriendAgn

Folks, I truly appreciate your words, support and advice. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for a place to chat with others about our struggles with alcohol/addiction. I really am thankful for each and every word that you kinds people throw my way and take your replies to heart. Thank you and the guilt is starting to lift a bit and hope is setting back in. I love living without alcohol and that's why I get so confused when I so easily allow myself to go back. Anyway, thank you.

SoberLeigh

Loops; I meant to say "helpful" not "unhelpful"; my apologies.