Raider

Well I'm just past 7weeks. I'd like to know I'm not alone. I get urges, not unbearable I guess. My husband has not had a drink in 6 months. He doesn't miss it. Says he can live without it. I miss drinking. I'm not sure I love the sober life. In fact, at this point, I do not like sober-ness. I don't miss headaches, hangovers, blackouts, etc. but I still miss drinking. I read posts about how great it is, how wonderful, nothing like it, it's great, etc etc. I just don't feel that way. Seriously I don't have a bunch of joy in it. Anyone else? Can you relate?

AugustWest11

Taking a brake from my pity party, to let you know you are not alone. I do miss certain aspects of drinking; most of which I could fix if I dealt w\ my anxiety. But that is either here nor there; point is you are not alone raider not at all..

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery

Thepatman

Come on Raider!! It's normal to miss what feels "normal". Add support and therapy, there is a root cause in there somewhere. You have came such a long way, have you found hobbies? Something to occupy your time?

You have been here for me so here I am, let it all out and post. Bored out of your mind? Normal without new things to do. Having a hard time with emotions? Consult my dear friend.

I care for you, Raider I never forgot your positive messages when I was at the pits of hell.

Praying for you hard!!

Kris47

I understand your feelings Raider, too. What we have to remember is we are sick physically, mentally and spiritually. We can not undo years of drinking in just a few weeks or months. Most oldtimers tell me it takes about a year or two to begin feeling healthy and happy again. I don't know about you but I just don't want to have to do this again. In the end, it only gets worse and then you may not feel like it was fun afterall.

Just keep on keeping on. We're all walking beside you.

Leshar

Dear Raider,

Yes, I can certainly relate. It got better, then worse, then better again and at coming up to 9 months, I can say that yes, it is worth it to persevere. I guess sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hold on to the collective wisdom of the folks here who tell us that there is indeed a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, if we but follow the right path.

But life is life, it sucks sometimes, but I feel more confident now that I may cope with adversity, with a centredness that I have never known before.
Please stay strong, you will reap the benefits with time!

Holli

What a great statement, except you are a few miles ahead of me. :-)

Dee74

I can relate too - for a while I thought that a kind of nothingness was all I could expect to look forward to - no highs no lows....not exactly unpleasant but not fun either.

I missed drinking too, and the life that went with it - that was my universe for a lot of years.

But the more I stayed sober, the more I was able to build a new life, sort out my problems, and slowly but surely I began to feel good again, even joy.

I'm am absolutely sure this will happen to you too Raider - let your faith carry you a little through the doldrums - I really believe you can make it

D

Hevyn

Raider I did feel that way for the first few months. I was very sorry for myself that I couldn't have that kind of 'fun' anymore. I grieved for my enjoyable drinking days - but I had to admit they were decades ago. I knew I could never go back to pre-addiction drinking. (Lord knows I tried...)

Even though I was not filled with joy in the beginning - I appreciated not having a chaotic life anymore. It was a huge relief to be free of the obsession - and gradually the more positive feelings took over. At around 6 mos. I was content, hopeful, and even excited about life again. It got better still at 1 yr. Drinking rarely crosses my mind now - I'm happy with my new sane life. I went through many phases though.

I'm glad you brought this up for discussion Raider.

doggonecarl

I don't think one finds joy in sobriety. I think you make joy in it.

phoebe64

I feel this way too, at times, Raider. But I get glimpses of better times, when I stop missing the drinking. But I do miss it. I would be lying if I said I did not.

Anna

Raider, what other changes have you made in your life besides stopping drinking? Have you started any new activities or met any new people?

I had to connect with myself spiritually. It was the thought of an empty life that stopped me from recovering for quite awhile. I felt so lost. I had to find some kind of purpose to my life and that wasn't easy for someone who had struggled with depression for decades.

I hope you feel better.

aasharon90

In early recovery I saw members in recovery
I wanted to be like. I heard what older members
said in recovery and I like it. I was glad that
they had experiences and hopes to share with
me, so I could stay sober each day and feel
way they felt.

I was also glad there were folks closer to me
in recovery because I could follow what they
were going thru and that made me feel relieved
that I wasn't alone.

I was also glad to folks were coming in after
me looking for help and answers as well as
those coming back in to share with me that
going back out wasn't worth it.

It was in hearing for everyone that has
kept me sober for some time now.

I struggled, I whinned, I sat on my pity
pot a many a time, felt lonely, sad, and
many other things, but never did I waver
in wanting to give up my recovery.

I was very sick in my own addiction and
once I learned how to stay sober each day
and continued to apply what I was learning,
slowly I began to replace all those negative
feeling into positive ones.

It's not just not drinking any longer, but
a purpose in helping others who need to
hear from me share my own ESH just as
I needed to hear from those before me.

I wanted to be happy and content and could
only achieve it by getting out of my own
self centerness and focus on helping others.

The sun while come out tomorrow whether
in the sky or our hearts when we wake up
sober tomorrow morning.

Looking4Help123

Hi Raider,

I'm only 3 weeks in but I guess I'm one that goes on about how wonderful it is to be sober. There is something of a honeymoon period but I guess I am trying (very hard) to focus on the positives rather than the feelings of loss that I have with alcohol.

So you aren't alone at all. Like Dee says I also often wonder if the general feeling of flatness (no highs or lows) is something that will last for a long time or a short one. Its not something that excites me. What can I do though? Everyone here is persistent in saying it *will* improve. So I choose to focus on that, and the positives I'm getting from sobriety, rather than the negative things (which are still there).

GreenEggsAndHam

Sobriety is definitely more boring for me, but most of the "fun" I had while drinking was not really positive or healthy. I have to remember that. I do miss the buzz, not going to lie. It just never ends there.

firstymer

Hello, Raider. I went back and read some of your old threads, since you and I started our sober journey at about the same time. This one jumped out at me:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Well this sucks. Woke up after drinking most of the night, only to drink some more. If that's not crappy enough, let's grab the cell phone and call your parents who are in their 80's and a billion miles away in Alaska. Might as well suck them into your nightmare. Crying and waling uncontrollably on the phone with them last night.

Feel like crap, feel like crying, had to call them back this morning so they would at least know I am still living. This disease sucks.

Ack!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Do you really want to go back to that?

Best wishes, dear friend.

Raider

Ahhhhh firsty, ooh painful post I wrote. Ugh that hurt me. I hope and work towards, not being that person again. I just can't do that to my parents or myself. I hear everyone say, it'll get better. I know, I hear you. I just wish it wasn't so, well, vanilla....

seeks

I definitely have those thoughts Raider. That's always kind of been my cycle. Quit drinking, feel better, wonder why I quit, drink, then oh ya that why.

This time around I look back at my original thread and remember how awful I felt and why I committed to staying sober this time.

But ya I get it. Stay strong!

tnman1967

I can relate somewhat, life is not always a blast, but it beats the alternative in my opinion. I don't miss the terrible anxiety, the lingering questions the next day regarding what I said and did. The embarrassing phone calls to friends and relatives, not to mention what I said and did online. No, I sure take vanilla over that nightmare.

LBrain

MY, MY ,MY,
Well Raider...

At 7 weeks I felt like a zombie. Nothing good, nothing bad. Just breathing. I started hitting the gym and was going just about every day. I was feeling pretty good. Then I just didn't feel like going anymore - of course there are aches and pains too. But I didn't feel like doing anything at all. Still struggling with it. The pink cloud evaporated about a month ago. But I still can see blue skies sometimes.
I will have 90 days this week - not yet. And I can certainly say, "Where's all this wonderfulness I'm supposed to experience in 'sobriety'? I'll be sure to let you know because it hasn't hit me yet.
But I keep my spirits up knowing that others before me found it somewhere along the way. And that's what I'm striving for. Until then I will trudge along chasing the dream. I know it's out there.

It's there for you too. Just ride the waves and up and down keeping you head above the water. Sooner than you think you will be body surfing those waves. That's what I'm hanging on for myself. Stay with me with you head above the water. Because I do know we'll soon ride that wave into the beach with smiles and laughter.

Kris47

Vanillas okay, especially with cherry dip!

It is the new feelings that can change the past and make it a good one. Give it some time.

THINK POSITIVE - DRAW POSITIVE.