Elisabeth888

My sister in-law (SIL) has been having problems with her Dad (my husband's Dad as well) for about 4 years. She has not let him see her daughter in 3 years. She just saw him for the first time in a long while a few weeks ago.

Apparently he griped to her that my husband and I should not have such a large house, I should not have bought a new car, my husband shouldn't have changed jobs, he should have stayed where he was.

And I AM PISSED OFF. Because I know he had to throw in there that I alcoholic that is unable to have children. She didn't say that, but that's what I am thinking.

His Dad thinks that money is the key to all problems and happiness. He makes a whole lot of money and then proceeds to look down on his own son and bad mouth him behind his back.

This makes me think he and his wife are just phony pieces of crap. Thank GOD I am going to my second meeting in a few minutes and I have therapy on Thursday!

I did not share at the morning meeting. I stewed in it then on the way home I seriously considered going to a Mexican restaurant and sitting on the deck and having a margarita. I could almost taste it.

But I did not. I came home and prayed, worked in the yard and then called my sponsor. She said to give it to God for now and she would get back to me.

How could I not be offended? We have never asked for money. Unfortunately the real estate market has tanked, but is coming back around (husband's a loan officer) But we had savings and we do not carry credit card debt.

Unfortunately my husband must have shared that these have been some dry months with his Dad. Big Mistake, obviously.

How would you feel and what would you do? I told my husband not to accept a red cent from his Dad.

ScottFromWI

I would probably feel offended initally, but then hopefully I'd remember that there's nothing I can do to change how other people act, and that how they think is really irrelevant. Worry about what you can control and hope you feel better at your meeting.

Kris47

Someone once told me;

"When you can't forgive someone,

PRAY FOR THEM.

It may or may not change them,

BUT IT WILL ALWAYS

CHANGE YOU."

least

What Scott said.

OpioPhobe

Elisabeth - a few things about your story stuck out to me. The first was that you are getting second hand information. When it is a situation like that facts can get distorted - especially with family members. Also, you drew your own conclusion that your father-in-law made the comment about being an alcoholic without your sister-in-law saying it. Could you be mad about past comments from your father-in-law that are causing you to jump to that conclusion? Also, you said that your "husband must have shared that these have been some dry months with his Dad". Did you ask your husband about that? It sounds like you are also jumping to a conclusion that may or may not be the case.

My knee jerk reaction would have been being offended, but I guess I would want to make sure that I had the whole story before getting bent out of shape about it.

As far as taking money from family members goes, I agree that it is generally a bad idea. Even the best of relationships with friends / family can be absolutely ruined when money gets involved. I would only take money from family members if not doing so would cause harm to my children. Otherwise I would avoid it because the last thing I need is a parent feeling entitled to hold something over my head.

KateL

Yep, I agree with everyone else. None of this has any bearing on you. Chin up xxxx

Dee74

I know it's hard not to feel angry Elizabeth.

The bottom line is people will think what they want to think, and there's nothing I or you can do about it.

Another mod here, CatPajamas, has a line in her sig - what other people think of me is none of my business.

I try hard to live up to that.

I can't change what people think, even if it is unfair/nasty./demeaning or just plain nasty.

I surround myself with people who love support and understand me these days - it makes the other nonsense recede into the background where it belongs

You've had an amazing journey and accomplished a lot - that's the real truth here

MIRecovery

My sponsor told me it is none of my business what others think of me.

Anna

Elizabeth, I have very, very strong feelings about this.

I wouldn't be offended because it's not about you, but I wouldn't continue any kind of contact whatsoever.

Just because someone is a family member does not give them the right to judge me and speak badly about me. I have worked extremely hard emotionally to get where I am today and I will NOT allow a single person into my life who is toxic, not for any reason.

Carlotta

Obviously your sister in law likes to gossip and spread toxicity. I'd suggest you avoid those kind of people especially in early sobriety when your emotions are all over the place. Try to hang out with people who are serene or upbeats kind hearted folks and avoid gossips and drama queens as much as possible.
Next time she starts repeating whatever to you just tell her comely: I am really not interested in what so and so says of me. Whatever he thinks is his business not mine.
Also be careful of resentments, they are really bad for alcoholics and can get us to pick up by giving our AV ammunition. I am not much of a big book thumber but here is a page with some Big Book quotes regarding resentments.
AA History - What Does The BigBook Say About Resentment?

friskme

This one idea/quote is what has kept me alive and kicking throughout my life. I have never cared one whit what other people think. This could be to my detriment in some instances, but when it comes to doing what I want for the good of me....it definitely applies. And in the end...you can feel satisfied for yourself.

Elisabeth888

Thank you everyone!!! You are all right.

It really is none of my business what people think of me. Maybe my SIL should not have told me, but I am actually glad she did. My husband and I decided that they are not to be confided in anymore.

I did not mention that my SIL is an active alcoholic in denial.

LadyinBC

^^^^^^ this!! Don't waste your energy on the negativity of others. They are looking for you to react. Don't.