spring14

Hi. Really need some help, guidance and support if possible. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and struggling with my on/off partners alcoholism. I am an ex alcoholic and spent some of my worst days with him. He went into rehab last year before i found out i was pregnant. The whole pregnancy has seen him coming and going. The longest he has been sober is 3 months i think. He is now blaming me for him hating me. Doesn't want anything to do with me etc etc. He threatens court. He makes the most horrendous lies up about me. I just need to understand why? Why hurt us so much?

seahorse661

I am sorry for your situation. I think the answer is nobody can tell you why, I doubt he knows either. I can't explain why I hurt people who love me.

The important thing is for you to do whatever it takes to make your life stable for you and your baby.
All the best

ScottFromWI

Welcome Spring. It's good to hear that you are staying strong and sober for you and your unborn. As you probably know from recovery yourself, it's pretty common for addicts to blame others for their own problems, mostly because they are in denial of their problem and looking for others to blame.

Not sure what you did to get sober, but have you considered Al-Anon for yourself? Taking care of you and your baby is all you should really be concerned with now. It sounds difficult of course, but there is nothing you can do or say that will change your partner until he decides he want's change.

Anna

I don't know why he wants to hurt you, but I hope that you can focus on taking care of yourself and your baby-to-be. Do you have a safe place where you and your new baby will be able to live?

Thepatman

Priority as you know is your own sobriety and your baby.
Reach out for help, family, friends, hell call the cops if he threats you.

You don't need this, this is not about him, if he can't realize that he will soon be a father, do what you must.

This is from an Alcoholic. But when my ex was pregnant, I made sure I did not stress her. The little one can feel the stress.

Wish I could ofer you more help, hang in there and don't take BS, you and little one deserve better!

Blessings

SoberLeigh

Oh, Spring. What a heartbreaking situation. As a mother, my suggestion is that you find/create a safe and nurturing environment for yourself and your baby. Do you have family or friends to whom you can reach out?

As an alcoholic, alcoholism is absolutely no excuse for his appalling behavior. It is not your responsibility to fix him; he can only fix himself.

Glad you found SR. There is also a friends and families of alcoholics forum.

least

It's not your fault if he hates you. He blames you because it's easier than taking responsibility for his actions.

I hope you and your baby can get to a safe place to move on with your lives. He doesn't sound like partner material, and definitely not father material.

honeypig

Hi, Spring. Glad you found your way to SR. You've gotten some good advice and thoughts here, and I don't have anything to add in that area. I did want to mention that you might find more help in this section of the forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information since it's specifically for the family and friends of alcoholics. You'll likely see yourself in a lot of the posts there and know that you're not alone. There are also stickied posts at the top of the page, and they contain a lot of info that will be useful to you in learning about alcoholism.

SR has been so helpful to me over the past year; I hope you find support here too.

HonestAndOpen

My bet is that he doesn't hate you at all, he hates himself and is projecting on you. He may even resent your sobriety.

I wish I knew what words to offer for healing but I don't. We are here for you However