Mrrryah1

Was just informed of something absolutely awful that I did during my last black out (5 days ago).... Oh god.... I honestly don't deserve to live.... I'm going to end up drinking tonight. I can't feel this. can't look in the mirror. can't face this. Can't be in reality right now. arrrrrrrrggggggggg nooooooooooooo whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

sugarbear1

Are you trying to top your old situation?

Maybe just stay stopped another day, maybe your perspective can change in time, or you can drink and make more situations to drink over....

It's your choice now.....

I wish you well on your sober journey!!!!!!

Hugs and love to you

Anna

You know where drinking will lead.

This is when you have to make the tough decision to get off the train. Enough, enough danger and fear. You don't need to go back for more.

SoberLeigh

Stop and take some deep breaths, mrrryah. Wait a minute and do it again.

Drinking never solved a thing; you will only feel worse tomorrow and the underlying problem will still be there.

Do you have a sober friend you can call; do you have a sponsor?

WE are here; don't pick up a drink, okay - say you won't.

Mrrryah1

Ok I'm calming down

Cathryn2001

Here's the deal--most of us have done something while drunk that is mortifying, but the absolute truth is that drinking again will not improve the situation/make it go away/rewrite history. You might "forget" for a few hours, but when tomorrow comes, those bad feelings (plus, regret from drinking) will come flooding back in.

Myrrah, you can do this. You are stronger than you think. Be kind and gentle with yourself (just as you probably would be with someone else in a similar situation). Each day you are sober will add to your healing.

Dee74

Dealing with blackout stuff is painful.

You can't undo it and you can't unhear what you've been told...

but you can ensure it never happens again

D

courage2

It's ok to feel what you're feeling. Even the worst feelings of self-loathing and remorse will pass, but if you don't drink, you're not likely to do anything to add new fuel to that burning hell.

Be brave, eat something, and crawl under the covers -- but don't drink!

SoberLeigh

Is there someone you can call?

least

Drinking will just take you back to that dark place. Don't go there. Stay sober instead. You never have to go thru this again if you just stay sober.

SoberLeigh

Mrrrrryah, you are beautifully young. Whatever you did during blackout can't be undone but you can, from this day forward, lead a life of determination and self-respect. It can be done.

Odelle

Yesterday is gone and there's nothing you can do to change it, but your future tomorrows are built on the actions you take today. You never have to add another alcohol-fueled page of regrets to your history book if you take responsibility for what you do right now, in this moment. Instead of drinking over your mistakes, look at the reality of the mess alcohol creates in your life, only you can choose to walk away from it.

FeenixxRising

Good, try to stay calm. You aren't alone. you aren't the first person to do something horrifying while blacked out and you certainly won't be the last. I've venture that the majority of us have been there.

Staying sober is the best way to ease the emotional pain you're experiencing.

Mrrryah1

Thanks guys that was just really rough to hear and I was having a breakdown I'm scared and mortified and I don't know how to handle these feelings of self loathing they seem to take me out every time

SoberLeigh

We have all been there; the important thing is where we go from that point.

Anna

I think the only way to deal with it, is to just sit with the feelings. Know that they are just feelings. They are not you. They don't control you. You can feel them and let them go. Journaling might help. You can get through this.

MIRecovery

I have never seen a problem drinking won't make worse

Deluxe

As my sponsor said to me "yea but that was yesterday...this is today". Look forward. There is nothing you can do as much as you would desperately like to. Remember time heals pretty much everything and people don't spend anywhere like the amount of time thinking about what you did as you think they do.

LadyinBC

Okay I finally found a brilliant quote that I have been looking for:

The math is definitely NOT on our side. Don't drink, all you are doing is causing even more problems.

The ride ends when you decide it ends.

afloatsober

Why???????
Because you drank i expect.
Find a way to stop before it gets worse.
Be safe.
G