New and Unsure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 17
New and Unsure
OK here goes. Hello All
My name is Justin and I have been poking around here for a few days and I actually feel a bit guilty, and I hopefully don't offend anyone. A couple of things I noticed is.
1. Most people here have been through hell and back, and are challenged every day to remain dry, clean, and sober so you may think I'm a whiner, because I have not been through 1/1MM of what you have.
2. As many posts have said. Although I don't "know" if I am an alcoholic or not, the fact that I have the slightest voice of concern, the fact that alcohol is a poison to our bodies, and the fact I sought out a resource like SR, give me pause.
A little about me:
I'm 43 years old happily married for 13 years and have two happy, healthy, beautiful, children. 10yo boy and 8yo girl.
I am well employed in sales and trading ov a very large bulge bracket investment bank, and I absolutely love what I do. I have been doing it for 17 years. I am not anxious or nervous around people in social settings. The work environment is as if you could imagine. The movies you see are not far off and truth is much stranger than fiction. The environment is work hard play hard and there at weekly outings.
Up until about two years ago, I was what you would call a "normie". I socially drank probably too much in college but rarely during the week and never effected performance.
After college that routine continued; I rarely drank two days in a row or during the week. And would have 4-6 beers or a few cocktails. Then something changed stress at work, merger between companies, worrying about family etc. not really sure what it was.
For the past 18-24 months I have been drinking almost every late afternoon. A few beers and then 5 and now 7-8. The creep. I am done with work at 330 and can still be home by 530 to help with family duties. Although I'm "buzzed", I am never so impaired I can't help with homework or miss functions or show up in public with it on my breath. If I have duties I do them sober. In addition I never drink past 6 unless its a special work function nor am i ever hung over in the am. Although i was drinking almost everyday, out of the blue I would up and quit for a couple weeks and hit the gym. Never really having and physical withdrawals. Just a little voice or company function that would entice me back for a few months.
Thanks to god money has never been an impacted issue; I have never missed work or drink during the day; never had a DUI because if I feel I've had the slightest bit too much my company has a car service or I call a cab. Its like im in the perfect enabler storm for drinking. It has never impactedy family life until a few months back. And then not overly negative but it sowed the seed of concern inside me.
My wife said off the cuff, you have been drinking quite a bit. Is everything ok? I said yeah and was end of story until a few weeks back. She suggested I give up alcohol for lent. And I was like ok, with the exception of two evenings. I had a couple of work outing but vowed to keep it to 3 beers or cocktails.
So as of 3-5-14 I have had a grand total of 3 beers and 3 cocktails. Nothing since 17th and honestly not having a problem. Hitting the gym this afternoon and just for good measure left money, cc and dc at home. Once I'm home I'm good, because only on occasion, Do we have more than a beer or two and bottle of wine in the house.
With that said my memory of that little voice along with a few tremors that I never had in the past has gotten me thinking.
Although I am going to see the remainder of lent completely dry, I have never had any negative life issues due to drinking, and I think I could have a few at a special occasion and stop, not sure if its worth it.
Again although I have not had negative issues I want to cut anything like this off at the pass.
Thanks for listening. Your stories are amazing accounts of resiliency and fortitude. You should all be proud of trying what many wont. The stories of the fallen getting up are a true inspiration.
Godspeed to you all on your journey.
Justin
My name is Justin and I have been poking around here for a few days and I actually feel a bit guilty, and I hopefully don't offend anyone. A couple of things I noticed is.
1. Most people here have been through hell and back, and are challenged every day to remain dry, clean, and sober so you may think I'm a whiner, because I have not been through 1/1MM of what you have.
2. As many posts have said. Although I don't "know" if I am an alcoholic or not, the fact that I have the slightest voice of concern, the fact that alcohol is a poison to our bodies, and the fact I sought out a resource like SR, give me pause.
A little about me:
I'm 43 years old happily married for 13 years and have two happy, healthy, beautiful, children. 10yo boy and 8yo girl.
I am well employed in sales and trading ov a very large bulge bracket investment bank, and I absolutely love what I do. I have been doing it for 17 years. I am not anxious or nervous around people in social settings. The work environment is as if you could imagine. The movies you see are not far off and truth is much stranger than fiction. The environment is work hard play hard and there at weekly outings.
Up until about two years ago, I was what you would call a "normie". I socially drank probably too much in college but rarely during the week and never effected performance.
After college that routine continued; I rarely drank two days in a row or during the week. And would have 4-6 beers or a few cocktails. Then something changed stress at work, merger between companies, worrying about family etc. not really sure what it was.
For the past 18-24 months I have been drinking almost every late afternoon. A few beers and then 5 and now 7-8. The creep. I am done with work at 330 and can still be home by 530 to help with family duties. Although I'm "buzzed", I am never so impaired I can't help with homework or miss functions or show up in public with it on my breath. If I have duties I do them sober. In addition I never drink past 6 unless its a special work function nor am i ever hung over in the am. Although i was drinking almost everyday, out of the blue I would up and quit for a couple weeks and hit the gym. Never really having and physical withdrawals. Just a little voice or company function that would entice me back for a few months.
Thanks to god money has never been an impacted issue; I have never missed work or drink during the day; never had a DUI because if I feel I've had the slightest bit too much my company has a car service or I call a cab. Its like im in the perfect enabler storm for drinking. It has never impactedy family life until a few months back. And then not overly negative but it sowed the seed of concern inside me.
My wife said off the cuff, you have been drinking quite a bit. Is everything ok? I said yeah and was end of story until a few weeks back. She suggested I give up alcohol for lent. And I was like ok, with the exception of two evenings. I had a couple of work outing but vowed to keep it to 3 beers or cocktails.
So as of 3-5-14 I have had a grand total of 3 beers and 3 cocktails. Nothing since 17th and honestly not having a problem. Hitting the gym this afternoon and just for good measure left money, cc and dc at home. Once I'm home I'm good, because only on occasion, Do we have more than a beer or two and bottle of wine in the house.
With that said my memory of that little voice along with a few tremors that I never had in the past has gotten me thinking.
Although I am going to see the remainder of lent completely dry, I have never had any negative life issues due to drinking, and I think I could have a few at a special occasion and stop, not sure if its worth it.
Again although I have not had negative issues I want to cut anything like this off at the pass.
Thanks for listening. Your stories are amazing accounts of resiliency and fortitude. You should all be proud of trying what many wont. The stories of the fallen getting up are a true inspiration.
Godspeed to you all on your journey.
Justin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, dfwtrader.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or have a problem with alcohol but if you are worried about your drinking patterns or habits, it certainly wouldn't hurt to take a closer look at them.
Again, welcome.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or have a problem with alcohol but if you are worried about your drinking patterns or habits, it certainly wouldn't hurt to take a closer look at them.
Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome..... and, what SoberLeigh said.
Only thing I think I'd add is that troubles with drinking are consistently progressive.
Be careful to consider the similarities you see and be honest with yourself - fully honest - about the 'progression' of your use.
One thing I've seen for sure with myself and many many others that is consistent; it only gets worse over time.
I hope you find a lot of insight and learning and growth here and in your journey to understand your relationship with alcohol more fully.
Only thing I think I'd add is that troubles with drinking are consistently progressive.
Be careful to consider the similarities you see and be honest with yourself - fully honest - about the 'progression' of your use.
One thing I've seen for sure with myself and many many others that is consistent; it only gets worse over time.
I hope you find a lot of insight and learning and growth here and in your journey to understand your relationship with alcohol more fully.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by dfwtrader 
Although I am going to see the remainder of lent completely dry, I have never had any negative life issues due to drinking, and I think I could have a few at a special occasion and stop, not sure if its worth it.
Negative consequences are not the sole indicator of a problem with alcohol. If you can't imagine never drinking again, or if you think your life will somehow be incomplete without alcohol--problem.
If you do quit and stuggle to stay quit, or if you rationalize resuming drinking--problem.
And if you do start drinking and it becomes difficult to stop again--problem.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Hello Justin,
Good that you checked in. As SoberLeigh has stated, only you can determine.
However, if you take out your job and replace it with mine, then change a few other small details, it sounds like you were describing me a couple years ago. I was making very good $$$$. Still I have not hit rock bottom and I am not struggling with cravings. Sure I want to drink - but I know I can't. 3 months ago I was functioning at a very high level in a very delicate situation. Then one day I was pinged on a random test. It wasn't much but it wasn't ZERO. I was perfectly 'normal' and could have performed any function at the time. The rest is history. But after looking back on it I've come to realize that I was in the 'big leagues' of drinking. It started in the fall and progressed to all star status in a short time. I was doing things I never even thought of doing. Hiding bottles, hiding drinking from wife etc. But I was still able to maintain a facade of normalcy. Prior to that you could say I was in the minor leagues with blue chip status as far as drinking goes. My coworkers had no idea that I drank as much as I did. They still don't really know. Most were amazed that I even admitted to having a problem. "C'mon, you're not an alcoholic." I heard that from everyone. And maybe because I know some who get fall down drunk quite a bit. I was never a fall down drunk. But I did have a little history of acting like an ass at times over the years. Usually at the wrong time with the wrong people.
So, it boils down to this, what do you think?
The best I can offer to you based on what you posted is that it never gets better by itself. It does gets worse and progresses without you even realizing it.
Think of sticking the tip of your toe in a very hot tub and it is so hot you jump back. But you someway cautiously wriggle yourself into the water and get comfortable. 15 minutes later your wife comes in and reaches into the water and burns her hand. You're in very hot water and you don't even realize it.
A far fetched analogy, but that's what alcohol does.
Just last summer I hiked throughout Zion NP, the Grand Canyon and places between. I was able to not drink. But when it was over and I started back into my routine at work, the flood gates opened. I missed most of hunting season because I kept a bottle of bourbon in the basement. Had to have that one warm up before I went out. Then another, then another, then let's just see what's on TV this morning. I might as well start drinking beer while I'm at it. I'm not going anywhere anyway. Yep, alcohol is amazing.
Good luck to you. Take a good hard look at yourself.
Good that you checked in. As SoberLeigh has stated, only you can determine.
However, if you take out your job and replace it with mine, then change a few other small details, it sounds like you were describing me a couple years ago. I was making very good $$$$. Still I have not hit rock bottom and I am not struggling with cravings. Sure I want to drink - but I know I can't. 3 months ago I was functioning at a very high level in a very delicate situation. Then one day I was pinged on a random test. It wasn't much but it wasn't ZERO. I was perfectly 'normal' and could have performed any function at the time. The rest is history. But after looking back on it I've come to realize that I was in the 'big leagues' of drinking. It started in the fall and progressed to all star status in a short time. I was doing things I never even thought of doing. Hiding bottles, hiding drinking from wife etc. But I was still able to maintain a facade of normalcy. Prior to that you could say I was in the minor leagues with blue chip status as far as drinking goes. My coworkers had no idea that I drank as much as I did. They still don't really know. Most were amazed that I even admitted to having a problem. "C'mon, you're not an alcoholic." I heard that from everyone. And maybe because I know some who get fall down drunk quite a bit. I was never a fall down drunk. But I did have a little history of acting like an ass at times over the years. Usually at the wrong time with the wrong people.
So, it boils down to this, what do you think?
The best I can offer to you based on what you posted is that it never gets better by itself. It does gets worse and progresses without you even realizing it.
Think of sticking the tip of your toe in a very hot tub and it is so hot you jump back. But you someway cautiously wriggle yourself into the water and get comfortable. 15 minutes later your wife comes in and reaches into the water and burns her hand. You're in very hot water and you don't even realize it.
A far fetched analogy, but that's what alcohol does.
Just last summer I hiked throughout Zion NP, the Grand Canyon and places between. I was able to not drink. But when it was over and I started back into my routine at work, the flood gates opened. I missed most of hunting season because I kept a bottle of bourbon in the basement. Had to have that one warm up before I went out. Then another, then another, then let's just see what's on TV this morning. I might as well start drinking beer while I'm at it. I'm not going anywhere anyway. Yep, alcohol is amazing.
Good luck to you. Take a good hard look at yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Friend-
As I read your post, the word that sticks out in my mind like a sore thumb is progression. The definition of which is the act of more, and more consumption, over time. This is disturbing for in life, we human beings are never, ever, standing still. Rather, we are constantly spiraling. Either up, or down.
Thus, first and foremost, please recognized that you stopped, or more to the point, someone asked you to stop, because they, and now you, are mindful of the directional spiral and want to reverse it. And you can. People do everyday.
Otherwise, you are deluding yourself if you believe you won't simply pick right back up where you were come Easter Sunday. Progressing ever the more, down and not up. I wish there was another way to say it. Unfortunately, the sad gospel of this business is that no matter how warmly you try and put it, honest truth often has no temperature.
Good day
As I read your post, the word that sticks out in my mind like a sore thumb is progression. The definition of which is the act of more, and more consumption, over time. This is disturbing for in life, we human beings are never, ever, standing still. Rather, we are constantly spiraling. Either up, or down.
Thus, first and foremost, please recognized that you stopped, or more to the point, someone asked you to stop, because they, and now you, are mindful of the directional spiral and want to reverse it. And you can. People do everyday.
Otherwise, you are deluding yourself if you believe you won't simply pick right back up where you were come Easter Sunday. Progressing ever the more, down and not up. I wish there was another way to say it. Unfortunately, the sad gospel of this business is that no matter how warmly you try and put it, honest truth often has no temperature.
Good day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 17
Leigh,Carl, and Owl.
Thanks very much. All very valid points and an affirmation of what I was thinking and feeling. I think it's best at this point to stay sober. Will utilize the board as a source of inspiration and information. Especially if I run into a challenging headwind.
Might reevaluate at the end of lent. Maybe not. I mean in reality there is not really ANYTHING bad about not drinking.
Thanks again guys and good luck.
Justin
Thanks very much. All very valid points and an affirmation of what I was thinking and feeling. I think it's best at this point to stay sober. Will utilize the board as a source of inspiration and information. Especially if I run into a challenging headwind.
Might reevaluate at the end of lent. Maybe not. I mean in reality there is not really ANYTHING bad about not drinking.
Thanks again guys and good luck.
Justin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Originally Posted by dfwtrader
Leigh,Carl, and Owl.
Thanks very much. All very valid points and an affirmation of what I was thinking and feeling. I think it's best at this point to stay sober. Will utilize the board as a source of inspiration and information. Especially if I run into a challenging headwind.
Might reevaluate at the end of lent. Maybe not. I mean in reality there is not really ANYTHING bad about not drinking.
Thanks again guys and good luck.
Justin
Thanks very much. All very valid points and an affirmation of what I was thinking and feeling. I think it's best at this point to stay sober. Will utilize the board as a source of inspiration and information. Especially if I run into a challenging headwind.
Might reevaluate at the end of lent. Maybe not. I mean in reality there is not really ANYTHING bad about not drinking.
Thanks again guys and good luck.
Justin
Who knows, dfwtrader, by the end of Lent, you may have seen just how truly amazing sobriety can be. Have a very blessed Lent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 17
Majority and Brain
Thanks for the in depth response and I agree. Especially with the progression aspect and the fact that someone in my life noticed a possible problem and that brought it to the forefront of my mind. Also thanks for the description of your life that puts a lot in perspective. I probably need to read more posts and realize there were a lot in my shoes at one time.
Thanks again
Justin
Thanks for the in depth response and I agree. Especially with the progression aspect and the fact that someone in my life noticed a possible problem and that brought it to the forefront of my mind. Also thanks for the description of your life that puts a lot in perspective. I probably need to read more posts and realize there were a lot in my shoes at one time.
Thanks again
Justin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Welcome Justin! Thank you for coming here and posting! This is something I needed to read today. Im not sure if this will make complete sense, but we all have a list of "yets". For all those things you havent done, add "yet" to the end. I havent had a dui, either (yet) I havent lost my job, either (yet), I used to be able to function while helping with homework, until i couldnt anymore. I never drank in the daytime, let alone the morning, until I did, and showed up to my grandfathers wake with a flask in my boot and blackout in the works. I was able to justify every drink I consumed, and brush people off, until I couldnt anymore. Progression. Alcohol wrapped itself into everything I did, until it consumed me to the point that I had to face it. I couldnt run from it anymore. Thats my experience. I have struggled to maintain sobriety, because I would fall into the only a few or maybe one or two... until it snuck its way back in with a vengance. I finally have whole heartedly surrendered to this disease, and am willing to go to any length to hang on to sobriety.
I wish you well in your journey to figure this all out. Hang around, you may find someone just like you and it will click. Best wishes
I wish you well in your journey to figure this all out. Hang around, you may find someone just like you and it will click. Best wishes
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
I think you should reconsider this statement -
"A few beers and then 5 and now 7-8. The creep. I am done with work at 330 and can still be home by 530 to help with family duties. Although I'm "buzzed", I am never so impaired I can't help with homework or miss functions or show up in public with it on my breath."
IMHO, if you are drinking 7-8 beers in 2 hours that is an issue. If you really think after drinking even 2 beers that you do not have alcohol on your breath, I have to say you are wrong. After 7-8 in that time period you are more than just drunk.... you are HAMMERED! Take a look at the DMVs recommendations for drinks by weight and you will see that anything more than 1 an hour will put you WELL over the legal limit.
I am not here to bust your chops or put you down but I just want you to consider your situation. It sounds like you have a very good life with a loving wife and 2 great kids. What would happen if you got a DUI or, god forbid, in an accident? Would your wife still be as supportive as she is now? Would your money situation still be manageable? What if you got hurt or injured so badly that you could not work?
These are all valid questions. You have proven that you can stop drinking so why start again? Drinking does NOT define who you are and can cause many problems that can or may change your life.... FOREVER!
Many of us have stopped before a life changing event takes place. Why cause the pain and suffering of something like that when you have the chance to quit before that happens? After all, you already have a good start.....
Take Care and above all, be safe..... your family is counting on you.
"A few beers and then 5 and now 7-8. The creep. I am done with work at 330 and can still be home by 530 to help with family duties. Although I'm "buzzed", I am never so impaired I can't help with homework or miss functions or show up in public with it on my breath."
IMHO, if you are drinking 7-8 beers in 2 hours that is an issue. If you really think after drinking even 2 beers that you do not have alcohol on your breath, I have to say you are wrong. After 7-8 in that time period you are more than just drunk.... you are HAMMERED! Take a look at the DMVs recommendations for drinks by weight and you will see that anything more than 1 an hour will put you WELL over the legal limit.
I am not here to bust your chops or put you down but I just want you to consider your situation. It sounds like you have a very good life with a loving wife and 2 great kids. What would happen if you got a DUI or, god forbid, in an accident? Would your wife still be as supportive as she is now? Would your money situation still be manageable? What if you got hurt or injured so badly that you could not work?
These are all valid questions. You have proven that you can stop drinking so why start again? Drinking does NOT define who you are and can cause many problems that can or may change your life.... FOREVER!
Many of us have stopped before a life changing event takes place. Why cause the pain and suffering of something like that when you have the chance to quit before that happens? After all, you already have a good start.....
Take Care and above all, be safe..... your family is counting on you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Welcome, Justin, and a thought to consider,
I think if you look a little closer, you'll see that most of the people who have been 'in recovery' or 'recovered' for a while are not challenged in the least on a daily basis to stay sober. I don't want to discount the significant struggle of early sobriety, but I think you'll find a lack of that daily struggle is pretty common in those that stick around. Best of luck to you.
Originally Posted by dfwtrader
1. Most people here ... are challenged every day to remain dry, clean, and sober...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi and welcome Justin
if you have a problem you'll find support here - there's no such thing as a small problem if you're in the middle of it wondering what to do.
We're here to help
Most of us, even the all day everyday drinker I became, started with a smaller problem so I identify and so will many others...
we get it
D
if you have a problem you'll find support here - there's no such thing as a small problem if you're in the middle of it wondering what to do.
We're here to help
Most of us, even the all day everyday drinker I became, started with a smaller problem so I identify and so will many others...
we get it
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 17
Thank you to everyone with your welcomes and honest responses. You have opened my eyes regarding several of my comments. Seems I am quite naive as to the situation and how recovered/recovering folks handle their individual situation.
Special thanks to Hope for your candor and rightpath for your "yet" example along with your personal experience.
To everyone. I've never been here before so I was not trying to be flippant or make light of my situation. I did have the preconceived notion that somehow alcoholism is at least partially define by negative effects in ones life. Nor did I look further into the future about the progressive effects of alcohol. I stand fully corrected and I appreciat the honest input.
For your responses I thank you.
I see the answer is pretty clear.
You will see me around a lot more.
Justin
Special thanks to Hope for your candor and rightpath for your "yet" example along with your personal experience.
To everyone. I've never been here before so I was not trying to be flippant or make light of my situation. I did have the preconceived notion that somehow alcoholism is at least partially define by negative effects in ones life. Nor did I look further into the future about the progressive effects of alcohol. I stand fully corrected and I appreciat the honest input.
For your responses I thank you.
I see the answer is pretty clear.
You will see me around a lot more.
Justin
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