mimi2014

For the last 3 days I woke up positive I was going to drink. I didn't. But today it's awfully strong. There really is no reason for me not to. I don't have a husband that cared enough to help, so he left, My kids aren't talking to me, I live in a rented room in someone else's house. No car, no life, what;s so wrong with drinking my self to death or oblivion. It's not like anyone is going to care.

suki44883

Well, you could lose your room. No one wants to rent a room in their house to someone who drinks themselves to oblivion.

Read your signature line...

Was it worth it?.... No. Did it make you feel better?.....NO Did it change anything for the better?... No. Did it make it worse? Yes.... then don't do it again.

mimi2014

I guess that's the problem. I'm going to have to change that line. Was it worth it? Yes, did it make me feel better... yes did it change anything for the better? Who cares, did it make it worse? Nothing could be worse than the way this feels.

deeker

What are you doing for your recovery. Are you going to meetings mimi2014.

I lost everything. My big 3 bedroom house with in ground pool.Lost my hot truck,
my job, my family, my self respect and my will to live.

But if I kept on drinking I would be homeless now. Just you having a place to lay your head is something some people would be so grateful for.

You have to start somewhere to rebuild your life. It doesn't just happen because you made a decision to get sober. You have to take baby steps towards that new life.

I started with going to detox, then meetings every day for 90 days. Then at least 5 a week after that.

I got involved in NA and AA. I took a service position. Simple stuff at first, making coffee.

Then I was able to make a few friends. Just gotta start small. No one can do this for you.

mimi2014

Thanks Deeker. I do a meeting a day, meet with my sponsor twice a week and I am doing little service things, like reading, or greeting. I read at last night's meeting and actually lead one last week. I've been feeling this way ever since I found out my son invited his still drinking, alcoholic dad up to live with he and his girlfriend last week, and yet I am cut off from my son completely. It seems really unfair and wrong. Meanwhile, every time my daughter, who lives with her dad, gets drunk and in trouble, I get the calls and stay up all night trying to sober her up. These are total resentment and I'm letting it eat me alive.

ScottFromWI

So your solution to the above is to get drunk? Think for a second how incredibly backwards that line of thinking is. And remember that if you do drink, exactly the opposite will happen - all those problems will still exist, but you'll also have the added shame/guilt/resentment against yourself for drinking. And dont' forget the hangovers, withdrawal, etc...

mimi2014

Thanks Scott. Very well put and you are so very right. It won't help anything. I really appreciate that. It put my head on right.

Dee74

Nah...there's every reason not to

My life was pretty much like yours when I quit...the fact I rebuilt my life practically from scratch is directly attributable to the fact I stayed sober and dealt with things.

I realised I could drink - or the the person I wanted to be...drink, or have the life I wanted to live...but not both.

Your future is an awesome reason not to drink today mimi

D

mimi2014

Thanks Dee. I'm so sorry you had to go through the same things, but your strength is inspiring to say the least.

KateL

As Yazz says, 'The only way is up, Baby' Was it Yazz? xxxx

Hevyn

Hi mimi. I'm sad you're feeling this way - but you're wrong that no one cares. You have many here who are concerned for you and want you to have a better life.

I was drinking 'round the clock when I quit - everyone was disgusted with me and I couldn't face the guilt & remorse I was feeling. I just knew that drinking was never, ever going to make things easier. All it does it give us a temporary numbness - and we can't make things better without a clear head. Mimi I'm glad you didn't drink this past 3 days. I know you feel awful right now - but things never stay the same - there's a new life waiting for you. Please don't give up.

HonestAndOpen

I can honestly say that I've never woken up in the morning thinking "I'm sooo glad I drank last night". I have however woken up in the morning and thanked the Lord that I DIDN'T drink the night before.

mimi2014

Honest.. how true is that! It made me smile. Thank you so much.

mimi2014

BTW - thank you for your posts. They really helped get me through a bad day. I managed to end the pity party tonight at a meeting. Getting out and being a part of the group and helping really helps get me out of my head and back on path. I love this board. It is a gift I treasure.

1newcreation

Your welcome Mimi
That's what SR does for us! Reading all of em helped me stay sober too

Holli

Hang in there, Mimi, and I hope today is better for you. :-). Everything is easier when you are sober.