Something I heard in an AA meeting
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Something I heard in an AA meeting
This really hit home with me. I am not yet sure why. Someone said that they knew for a long time they were an alcoholic but they didn't get sober until they completely accepted they were an alcoholic. I guess knowing and accepting are 2 different things.
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Good post, 2bhappier. I wonder if many of the people who come to SR because they want to "know" if they are an alcoholic are in reality struggling to "accept" that they are an alcoholic? I wish I had understood the distinction 20 years ago.
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I think that's absolutely true, and was the case for me. For years I knew I had an issue with drinking, and every time I tried to quit I failed because I never accepted that I couldn't somehow control my drinking. Once I accepted that I simply cannot drink, it made things a WHOLE lot easier.
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Absolutely, 2b! My problem over many years before attempting recovery was related: I knew many things. I knew a lot about the science of the brain and addiction. I knew, theoretically, what I should do. But all this wasn't settled. It was, I think, one of those psychological defense mechanisms often described as "compartmentalization". I did not have much denial for several years, was very aware. Knew it. Then, in almost like a different sphere of my mind, I also accepted my problems as significant and that I should start acting to change, if I really wanted a change. But I lived with all this awareness dissociated for many years - what I did not acknowledge was the cognitive dissonance. I was highly defensive even inside my mind. Now I finally feel that I'm building lots of bridges between those two compartments, and naturally this makes me often more uncomfortable than ever because now, finally I allow myself to experience the dissonance fully. Next question is, what's next. For me it is continued action now. Still challenging because for me pure introspection and contemplation of various possibilities somehow always come more automatically than acting.
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Originally Posted by 2bhappier 
I guess knowing and accepting are 2 different things.
Personally, I feel acceptance is the foundation for anyone attempting sobriety. Until we accept deep down to our core that we cannot drink any longer, we will have a hard time staying sober.
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I knew for a long time that I was an alcoholic. And I didn't care that I was an alcoholic so I kept drinking. But then, I started to actually care and decided that it was time to start working on accepting That I was an alcoholic. So, even though I have been sober again for four months now, and have been around AA meetings for the better part of ten years, I'm just now starting to work the steps to make a change. I see that there is a big difference between knowing and accepting.
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Originally Posted by 2bhappier
This really hit home with me. I am not yet sure why. Someone said that they knew for a long time they were an alcoholic but they didn't get sober until they completely accepted they were an alcoholic. I guess knowing and accepting are 2 different things.
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Originally Posted by Boobeary
You've got me wondering now... I know I'm an alcoholic, but how do I know for sure that I've accepted it? I'm new here and this is something I hadn't considered before...
Once you accept it. Then, and only then, are you ready to move forward. It means you realize that you can never drink again, by whichever method you choose to follow. My first recommendation is the AA 12 step program. That will introduce you to the powerlessness idea. There are others who will offer you advice one way or another. For some aa 12 steps is not their cup of tea. For many it is their saving grace. It's the way I'm going. And just so you know, I don't believe in god. However, AA works for me.
The most important thing is to make a commitment. That commitment can only be made to yourself. You can't promise anyone else anything about things like, "I'm never gonna drink again, I swear. Honest Baby, I promise." You can if you wish. But it won't matter. Until you are prepared to dedicate yourself (promise you) to the idea that you had your last drink, knowing you are an alcoholic means diddly. The acceptance part comes from that understanding. One day at a time. It's a phrase you'll get used to hearing. At first you'll think, 'Sure, okay, one day at a time. blah-blah-blah." It's only until you finally understand what that means will you embrace the idea and think it not so far-fetched. And as you continue your journey of acceptance, the rest will get easier every day. But you have to believe it and commit to it. Otherwise you're just spinning your wheels. That's my take on acceptance.
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Indeed. I knew I was an alcoholic years before I accepted that I was an alcoholic. I actually used to believe that something magical would happen and I'd just stop being an alcoholic. I really didn't understand...
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"MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
More About Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous Chapter 3
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
More About Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous Chapter 3
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I think it's absolutely true! I knew for decades that I "drank too much" and understood in an abstract way that other people didn't generally drink the way I did. But it didn't dent my denial. I spend at least fifteen years planning on limiting the damage in various way; not buying more than _____ amount, starting later so I wouldn't have time to get too drunk, popping sleeping pills to regulate when I'd pass out, etc etc. It wasn't until the complete and abject failure of all those efforts began to sink in that I was truly able to surrender to the truth about my drinking.
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I saw one of those placards at a meeting, it read;
Admit
Accept
Action
It took me a while to "get" what it actually meant in that order.
So my take is,
Admit I'm alcoholic, I can't drink moderately because now I know why I crave more after the first drink and powerless to stop the physical craving for more alcohol after the first drink. I can Admit the fact I'm alcoholic, but may or may not drink at this point.
Accept I'm alcoholic means to me I been broken, I can't win the drinking game, I was blackout drinker and always will be. I'm no longer in denial.
Action The 12 Steps of AA
Admit
Accept
Action
It took me a while to "get" what it actually meant in that order.
So my take is,
Admit I'm alcoholic, I can't drink moderately because now I know why I crave more after the first drink and powerless to stop the physical craving for more alcohol after the first drink. I can Admit the fact I'm alcoholic, but may or may not drink at this point.
Accept I'm alcoholic means to me I been broken, I can't win the drinking game, I was blackout drinker and always will be. I'm no longer in denial.
Action The 12 Steps of AA
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