5 months today
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
5 months today
Hey everyone my name is Brian and I'm an alcoholic. On October 24 2013 I walked out of a hospital after needing medical detox due to binge drinking for the third (?) time in my life. I didn't have but a few bucks in my pocket (not enough for the psychoactive med they had prescribed me to deal with the shakes and anxiety associated with alcohol withdrawl) and nowhere to go. I had walked out on my family several days prior in order to continue my binge drinking. At the time I didn't know if it would be the end. I didn't know if that episode were the last drinks I would have in life, I just knew I couldn't continue anymore and if I tried to keep going like I was I wasn't going to have much life left. I was broke and on the street. I didn't want to live and I didn't want to die. I didn't want to drink but like I said I couldn't imagine not drinking. With my head hung low, defeated and soundly thrashed I walked back into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Sorry some of you have heard this part of my story before and I don't want to be redundant. Anyway I went there looking for a man I had spent some time with on a dry spell a couple of years prior. I begged for help, pleaded. The other members related their experience and empathy but made it clear I was going to have to take action on my own. I asked the man I had been looking for to be my sponsor and he accepted. Fast forward 5 months and this is the longest I have been sober since I started using mind altering substances many years ago. It's not been all rainbows, I won't lie. My pink cloud fades and dissipates sometimes. I can tell you on my worst day it's better than it was a year ago. Definitely better than say 5 years ago! I got arrested on my 90th day sober(wreckage of the past- OWI from almost a year ago), I have to deal with lawyers, courts and an angry ex-spouse to see my daughter, my boss knows I am an alcoholic and was contemplating firing me for said OWI, etc. I could go on. But I don't have to drink over that stuff today. And for that I am very grateful. I thank God, my sponsor, my family, this website and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for giving me something I never had when I was out there drinking. And that is hope. If there is one thing I would love to give a newcomer that I have gotten from sobriety so far, it would be that hope. Thank you for reading this! 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Brian316 
I didn't want to live and I didn't want to die. I didn't want to drink but like I said I couldn't imagine not drinking.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Brian316
Hey everyone my name is Brian and I'm an alcoholic. On October 24 2013 I walked out of a hospital after needing medical detox due to binge drinking for the third (?) time in my life. I didn't have but a few bucks in my pocket (not enough for the psychoactive med they had prescribed me to deal with the shakes and anxiety associated with alcohol withdrawl) and nowhere to go. I had walked out on my family several days prior in order to continue my binge drinking. At the time I didn't know if it would be the end. I didn't know if that episode were the last drinks I would have in life, I just knew I couldn't continue anymore and if I tried to keep going like I was I wasn't going to have much life left. I was broke and on the street. I didn't want to live and I didn't want to die. I didn't want to drink but like I said I couldn't imagine not drinking. With my head hung low, defeated and soundly thrashed I walked back into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Sorry some of you have heard this part of my story before and I don't want to be redundant. Anyway I went there looking for a man I had spent some time with on a dry spell a couple of years prior. I begged for help, pleaded. The other members related their experience and empathy but made it clear I was going to have to take action on my own. I asked the man I had been looking for to be my sponsor and he accepted. Fast forward 5 months and this is the longest I have been sober since I started using mind altering substances many years ago. It's not been all rainbows, I won't lie. My pink cloud fades and dissipates sometimes. I can tell you on my worst day it's better than it was a year ago. Definitely better than say 5 years ago! I got arrested on my 90th day sober(wreckage of the past- OWI from almost a year ago), I have to deal with lawyers, courts and an angry ex-spouse to see my daughter, my boss knows I am an alcoholic and was contemplating firing me for said OWI, etc. I could go on. But I don't have to drink over that stuff today. And for that I am very grateful. I thank God, my sponsor, my family, this website and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for giving me something I never had when I was out there drinking. And that is hope. If there is one thing I would love to give a newcomer that I have gotten from sobriety so far, it would be that hope. Thank you for reading this!
That is a powerful message to hammer home many vital points to people like me and many others, well done and 100% respect for all you have accomplished thus far Brian.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
Thank you all. I really appreciate it and am truly grateful to be here sober today. Like my sponsor pointed out, when I was drinking I really thought I was cheating life because I could numb myself up and make my problems disappear. But that's not how life works. People go through worse and deal with it fine without picking up a drink or a drug. Unfortunately my consequences have been like a timed release capsule. But I know it won't always be this way and the best things in life aren't easy. As many sober people here will reiterate if one wants change, we have to work for it.Thank you all again for the support and encouragement!!
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