First post, clean 14 days, no Fioricet
 

First, I've been "lurking" around SR for about three years and it's been hugely helpful getting me to detox. Now I REALLY need it! This is my first post, so here goes…

I started taking Fioricet when I was probably 19. A doctor prescribed it for my migraines which were horrendous in college. I took them like a "normal" person for about ten years. Not sure what happened. I moved to Chicago, new job, separated from my first husband, lots of stress…and somehow I ended up taking them not just when I had a headache, but because of how they made me feel. I was more confident, more outgoing, nothing bothered me when I took my "pills." I knew I was taking them every day, but I didn't realize how addictive they were. I was taking maybe six to eight a day (sometimes less), but I was taking them EVERY DAY. Moved back to Boston, then got a new job in SF…fast forward about five years, and I was taking at least ten to twelve a day. Remarried, had three boys in six years, went back to a very stressful job, and somehow during the next fifteen years, I had six doctors, multiple pharmacies, a "friend" of my parents who owned a pharmacy and gave me 100 a week for years, trips to Mexico bringing bottles of 500 back over the border - and yep, I was in a panic if I had less than 14-16 a day. I went a few years when I was up to 20 Fioricet a day. And I'm 5'4" and weigh maybe 115. I was in a nightmare. I felt like my whole life was controlled by my addiction. How many pills do I have? Do I have enough to get through the weekend and to work on Monday? Enough for vacation? Enough for my next business trip? My entire mood was controlled by "do I have enough, and will I run out and have seizures or a heart attack?" I had run out for 24 hours once or twice and I remember the shaking hands, anxiety, heart racing, not being able to sit still, throwing up…I remember when I was just close to running out and yelling at everyone around me because I was so irritable and scared, all the crazy stories I made up talking to doctors, pharmacists, and my wonderful, patient husband. He's known I've been an addict now for about four years and he's tried to talk to me about it but I wouldn't listen. We'd have huge fights, but he hung in there.

I finally came to my senses and realized I was so sick and tired of living life like this. It wasn't a life. I was totally controlled by my little "friends." I made the decision to get help, and within a month I had checked myself into a week long detox. I was so scared walking through that door. But, my husband dropped me off and said, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and you are really strong." And he was right. It took a week of tapering me down with phenobarbital. I never thought I could go 24 hours and tomorrow it will be two weeks. I'm not going to lie, I miss them. When I read back, I don't know why. I guess it's that high (although I never thought I was high), but I was. I had a little more energy, a little more get-up and go, I was a little more "me." At least that's how it felt. I feel good now, but I feel like a pastel version of myself. I'm not going to ever go back on them (funny, my headaches are actually BETTER now that I'm not taking the Fioricet.) So thankful that other than the initial awful rebound headaches the first few days in detox, I've been OK. But, now I'm just hopeful that someday all the color will come back into my life. I do find I am so much more patient with my kids and my husband and the people who work for me. I don't have to talk so much, and I'm quieter. I am like a slightly altered version of me. Does anyone else feel like that? How long does it last? Or is this me, not "drunk" on Fioricet? I've been back at work a week, and it's been hard. I've gone to work, come home and I have no incentive to do anything. My husband is amazing. I work and he has been the primary caretaker for our boys. He says to just relax and things will get better. He likes me more this way (sober!) and although my boys don't know about the detox, I know I'm better with them. But everything is just a little…gray? Am I making any sense? I don't have anyone to talk to about this that can relate to what I'm going through. Is this PAWS? Or am I just romanticizing how I used to feel? It's kind of scary thinking my life will always be grayish feeling.

Anyway, any advice or thought would be appreciated!

I got habituated to fiorinal with a half grain (32 mg) of codeine. Wow, is that stuff soothing! I didn't get to dozens per day, but probably only because I didn't have access to them, and like you, was prescribed them for migraines.

That was about 25 years ago. I became an alcoholic after that, but now, and for the last three years, it's been very good.

My advice is to simply stay the course - each day will bring improvement for you in some way. Be mindful of these improvements and you will soon become them. You won't regret a single moment of sobriety. Best to you.

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm not familiar with Fioricet, but I am familiar with drug and alcohol addiction.

Too soon for Post Acute Withdrawal. You are still in initial withdrawal. As for the way you feel, I looked at those feelings as my addiction's way of making me long for the "old" days that taking my drug would revive.

I've learned a lot in the four years since I relapsed on Hydrocodone. The main one is this: I'll take a gray day clean and sober before I'll take a drug-induced "happy" day. And a "happy" day clean is REAL!

Good luck.

I think you can expect that you won't be the same person that you were for so many years. When I stopped drinking, I changed in many ways and that's just the way it was. I think it's great that you have decided to take back your life and it sounds like you're doing well.

Thank you for reminding me it's only been two weeks -- after YEARS of putting thousands and thousands of mg's of butalbital in my body. Like most addicts I want to feel better yesterday! One day at a time...

Congrats on the two weeks. I am sure your liver will be happier without all that acetaminophen too.

SueLiz, how are you doing now? I'm have been clean from Fioricet w/Codeine for a few days over a month. I had starting using 2 pills per day about 3-4 years ago, can't remember?, then got up to 3 pills a day for the past year and a half. 4 pills per day in the last six months after some stress hit my life. Like you, I finally had enough of the chasing, counting etc. I never imagined I would have this much trouble withdrawing, as I wasn't using a much as most addicts. However, after about a week of acute withdraw hell, I'm having more good days than bad, but still feel grey. Your description of pastel really hits home. Does it keep getting better? When I focus on the good, I realize that I am doing much better. I can't keep my mind off the bad. Constantly evaluating how I feel, am I depressed, anxious, irritable, PAWs, when will it end...I can't stop thinking about my feelings.

Welcome to the Forum!! 14 days is fantastic, great to have you onboard!! :wave:

I know it's been a long time since your post but you sound so similar to me in many ways! Was wondering how you were doing now and any helpful words of advice? Today is my 4th day well kind of...

Welcome to SR. As you noted, this is an old post, and you've buried your first post inside of it. I suggest you create a new post and introduce yourself. As for the original poster, they posted three times and disappeared. We can only hope they stayed on the path of recovery, as you are setting out to do.

Well done on 14 days you should be proud x

Regarding Fioricet/Fiorinal
 

Hi there,
I know it has been quite some time but I just came across this site. I have been searching all of the forums for help. I have been addicted to Fiorinal and Codeine for 30 years. Your story sounds a lot like mine. For years and years (and years) I was taking at least 14 a day. In 2014, I finally cut down to 6 a day because that was what my prescription was for and I could not obtain anymore. Fast forward to now. I started a taper plan on January 19. I reduced to four. I stayed at four for eighteen days. I saw four was do able and so on February 6 I reduced to three. Three is very hard. I need to know that there is hope. I do not want to enter a rehab. I have to do this. Did you stay off of your Fioricet?
Is there anyone else out there that has this experience? Words of encouragement are desperately needed. Thank you.