Feeling hopeless and scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
Feeling hopeless and scared
I don't know where to start, other then I'm addicted to meth and I'm so confused on how I should get help. I been lying to everyone, mainly my husband. He gave me so many chances to get clean but I just can't. I need him more then ever but I'm scared if I come clean he will leave me because he's gave me so many opportunities to find help and get clean. I was clean for almost five years and I guess I got bored so I started using again. I been using for almost two years again and I can't stop. I stay clean for a week or so and can't deal with not having energy. I'm also a mother of two beautiful children who I love with all my heart. One last thing is I was a substance abuse counselor when I relapsed. I feel like I'm losing my mind because I don't know what to do, but I should right since I'm a former counselor. I've tried NA meetings and I didn't care for them, my family is all addicted to one thing or another, and lastly I have nobody other then my husband and kids. PLEASE any advice?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Stalks
Meth wasn't my drug but I think most of have to plough through that low energy time - your addicted self will tell you you need the drug to function, but it's lies - you may have to give it a few weeks tho.
If NA is not your thing have you considered something like SMART?
Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
You'll find a lot of support here too
D
Meth wasn't my drug but I think most of have to plough through that low energy time - your addicted self will tell you you need the drug to function, but it's lies - you may have to give it a few weeks tho.
If NA is not your thing have you considered something like SMART?
Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
You'll find a lot of support here too
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome! You can also find support in our substance abuse forum. Give it a look. 
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You can also find support in our substance abuse forum. Give it a look. Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, Stalks--here's a link to help you find out about SMART: Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
And here's a link to help you find out about NA: https://www.na.org/
As others have said, you can find a lot of help here at SR, but I feel it's good to have some support in the real world in addition to the online community here. I'd encourage you to look into those other 2 options as well as continuing to read and post here.
Welcome, and wishing you strength and clarity!
And here's a link to help you find out about NA: https://www.na.org/
As others have said, you can find a lot of help here at SR, but I feel it's good to have some support in the real world in addition to the online community here. I'd encourage you to look into those other 2 options as well as continuing to read and post here.
Welcome, and wishing you strength and clarity!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
It's normal to feel lost - I think we all do when we are actively in addiction. We can't fix our thoughts because our thought processes are broken.
Try and be careful not to make excuses why this treatment or that treatment won't work. Since you are a counselor I'll bust some CBT out on you and remind you that there's a good bit of cognitive distortion going on here, no doubt. Be aware meth is calling the shots, so it's crucial you get connected with some people. Seek out a counselor, support group or doctor, please. Yes there will be a laundry list of reasons why it "feels wrong" or "doesn't work" etc., but that would be your addiction talking. You need a sane, healthy voice helping you through the fight. You can do this but you need the motivation to reach out and ask for help. Have you been beaten down enough to do that reaching out? That's always, always, always up to us. Until we admit that we need the help, it just doesn't seem to stick. Wishing you the best
Try and be careful not to make excuses why this treatment or that treatment won't work. Since you are a counselor I'll bust some CBT out on you and remind you that there's a good bit of cognitive distortion going on here, no doubt. Be aware meth is calling the shots, so it's crucial you get connected with some people. Seek out a counselor, support group or doctor, please. Yes there will be a laundry list of reasons why it "feels wrong" or "doesn't work" etc., but that would be your addiction talking. You need a sane, healthy voice helping you through the fight. You can do this but you need the motivation to reach out and ask for help. Have you been beaten down enough to do that reaching out? That's always, always, always up to us. Until we admit that we need the help, it just doesn't seem to stick. Wishing you the best
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
I definitely have every excuse why I don't get help. I just realized that In my messed up way of thinking, I tell myself I shouldn't have to do all this hard work because I'm educated in this field. Who the hell do I think I am, I'm not special, I'm no different, why do I think this RECOVERY thing should be easy for me. Wow I didn't realize what a selfish master, manipulating,lier I am until I started writing this post. I guess Im not only lying to others, I lying to myself most all. I think I'm ready to give this a shot with help of some professionals as I finally admitted to myself I can't do this alone. I'm glad I found this sight, this is so helpful. Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it. I'm going to make a plan and figure out where I need to start to get my recovery going.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 146
Hey Stalks, I know what it is like to feel hopeless and scared. When I was at that point I was willing to do anything to get clean and stay clean. It didn't matter if the councelor said "GO TO 2 NA MEETINGS A WEEK" I did it because there was no turning back. I didn't care for them either. I did it anyway. I was desperate to get clean and if that was what was suggested I did it. Scary as hell. I could go back to using any time I wanted to if I didn't want to follow the suggestions. Damn. I was more afraid of losing everything if I didn't quit. I imagined losing absolutely everything and hating my life and my husband and still using and wanting to commit suicide. THAT SCARED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME.
I am now 19 months clean and working on step 11 with my sponsor. I set out to prove it wouldn't work for me and gave it my all to prove that. Gosh by golly it does work!!
I am free today once again!
I am now 19 months clean and working on step 11 with my sponsor. I set out to prove it wouldn't work for me and gave it my all to prove that. Gosh by golly it does work!!
I am free today once again!
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