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Old 03-20-2014, 07:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Taking my life back

With therapy and some good soul searching I have realized that as much as I want to be in control of drinking, I can not be, I am not wired that way.

As a child I was abused for a number of years and someone else had control. In my teenage years and as an adult this has led me to be a control freak over everything. When drinking got out of hand, I rejected the fact that I couldn't control it and I have continued to do just that.

Last night it dawned on me that I haven't been in control, I have let alcohol run the show. WOW, what a realization that was for me!!! Here I had been thinking I was controlling my life, but in reality I have been letting alcohol do that!!! Well, to that I say NO MORE!!! I am letting God take the reigns and will put my trust back into Him, all I can do is the next right thing and that starts with not drinking.

I know I have to work out what I will do to keep this momentum, but I just needed to get this out in the universe today.
I did then what I knew to do. Now that I know better, I do better.
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Old 03-20-2014, 08:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I remember having that same moment of realizing just how real the fact was that I cannot control my drinking. I think it has made a big difference in my sobriety. Glad you had the same moment too!
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I had a revalations once like that, too. I turned things over to Him and I've been able to stop after a thirty year drinking career.

Best to you.
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Glad you've made the choice to stop Anchor. I remember the moment I finally realized i was going to quit and it was a huge relief.

Your trust in god will certainly be a big part of your recovery, but remember that you need to also have a plan other than just "not drinking". Do you have one? Can we help you come up with one if you don't?
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Old 03-20-2014, 02:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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That's great Anchorbird.

I have similar circumstances, and added to that my parents gave me no freedom whatsoever and no opportunities to make choices for myself. I turned into a major control-freak too, though I wasn't yet drinking. But, I slowly drove myself crazy trying to control things in my life.

Alcoholism is very sneaky and like you, I wasn't aware that I was giving away control of my life when I started drinking. But, when I stopped drinking, I felt so much peace.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 03-20-2014, 03:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I hope you can make this a turning point AB

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Old 03-20-2014, 03:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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I hope this can be your successful attempt at sobriety.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 03-20-2014, 03:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
Learning to live again
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Sounds like a breakthrough for sure anchor. I'm happy you've come to this realization.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 03-20-2014, 05:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You can do this--sounds like you are ready ab
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