Hatred
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Hatred
Hatred, most definatly one of my triggers!
I very often wake up feeling filled with absolute pure evil hatred in my heart, the thoughts of seeking revenge against people who have hurt me, running the film over and over and over in my head!
Then it turns from hatred to self pity and that turns to depression which then makes me want to drink!
I really have become a bitter person who finds it very difficult indeed to forgive, I much rather the thought of destroying someone entirely than forgive them. However I realise that this is NOT a good way to live and in the end is only leading to my own very demise!
I just need to learn how to forgive people from my past, I strongly believe then that I can TRULY heal and not hide away in a bottle!
I very often wake up feeling filled with absolute pure evil hatred in my heart, the thoughts of seeking revenge against people who have hurt me, running the film over and over and over in my head!
Then it turns from hatred to self pity and that turns to depression which then makes me want to drink!
I really have become a bitter person who finds it very difficult indeed to forgive, I much rather the thought of destroying someone entirely than forgive them. However I realise that this is NOT a good way to live and in the end is only leading to my own very demise!
I just need to learn how to forgive people from my past, I strongly believe then that I can TRULY heal and not hide away in a bottle!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Sounds corny i know but resentment as you describe it really is like 'taking poison and waiting for the other person to die'. They won't and you might is the reality for an alcoholic.
We have to be rid of it for our own recoverys sake....
We have to be rid of it for our own recoverys sake....
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by afloatsober 
Sounds corny i know but resentment as you describe it really is like 'taking poison and waiting for the other person to die'. They won't and you might is the reality for an alcoholic.
We have to be rid of it for our own recoverys sake....
We have to be rid of it for our own recoverys sake....
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 623
I've had that, still do when I drink it fuels it. My bf's ex is one, I hate her with a passion, she tried to get me into an argument the other day on facebook, if I was drinking she would have got the usual poisonous replies and I would be seething at the computer.
Now Im not drinking I blocked her and ignored the message. She will hate that. I now feel more in control with my emotions, it was a trigger but I rose above it.
Drink = giving those people a reason to continue being dicks.
Sober = I have control not them
Now Im not drinking I blocked her and ignored the message. She will hate that. I now feel more in control with my emotions, it was a trigger but I rose above it.
Drink = giving those people a reason to continue being dicks.
Sober = I have control not them
Last edited by toddle118; 03-20-2014 at 03:29 AM. Reason: typo
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Join Date: May 2013
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Originally Posted by toddle118
I've had that, still do when I drink it fuels it. My bf's ex is one, I hate her with a passion, she tried to get me into an argument the other day on facebook, if I was drinking she would have got the usual poisonous replies and I would be seething at the computer.
Now Im not drinking I blocked her and ignored the message. She will hate that. I now feel more in control with my emotions, it was a trigger but I rose above it.
Drink = giving those people a reason to continue being dicks.
Sober = I have control not them
Now Im not drinking I blocked her and ignored the message. She will hate that. I now feel more in control with my emotions, it was a trigger but I rose above it.
Drink = giving those people a reason to continue being dicks.
Sober = I have control not them
I just hate the fact that I have gone from a nice guy to someone who has horrendous thoughts about hurting people.
The hate has gripped me but im getting rid of it!
I NEED to learn how to forgive and move forward!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Whitehaven UK
Posts: 221
hi chilled
emotions such as hate and jealousy are toxic. drink fuels these even more, I have often dreamed of burning even castrating my abusers for along time I had almost zero contact with my real mother because she never left my step dad who beat me as a child, I have gradually learned to forgive my step dad(he is now very frail from having an illness) and learned to forgive my mother, we now have a healthy or as healthy as it can be mother and daughter relationship
I have learned slowly , I slipped up myself last night and succumbed to two pint cans of stella ....that such emotions are toxic they eat you up like a cancer inside and will eventually ruin you
I think jealousy made me drink last night , jealousy is one emotion I'm learning to deal with better
you are not a bad person, you have been hurt and that affects anyone not just the addict with time and help I hope you learn to forgive and then you can move forward
countrysidegirl
emotions such as hate and jealousy are toxic. drink fuels these even more, I have often dreamed of burning even castrating my abusers for along time I had almost zero contact with my real mother because she never left my step dad who beat me as a child, I have gradually learned to forgive my step dad(he is now very frail from having an illness) and learned to forgive my mother, we now have a healthy or as healthy as it can be mother and daughter relationship
I have learned slowly , I slipped up myself last night and succumbed to two pint cans of stella ....that such emotions are toxic they eat you up like a cancer inside and will eventually ruin you
I think jealousy made me drink last night , jealousy is one emotion I'm learning to deal with better
you are not a bad person, you have been hurt and that affects anyone not just the addict with time and help I hope you learn to forgive and then you can move forward
countrysidegirl
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
Hey Chilled,
I used to have those kinds of thoughts when I was drinking. Haven't had them for a while now. Do you feel that they are subsiding when you are sober? I truly think the alcohol "fuelled" those thoughts into irrational levels.
Hate also comes from the past. Past wrongdoings, past disagreements. I find looking forward lets me leave it all behind. It's hard to hate the future if you're sober.
I used to have those kinds of thoughts when I was drinking. Haven't had them for a while now. Do you feel that they are subsiding when you are sober? I truly think the alcohol "fuelled" those thoughts into irrational levels.
Hate also comes from the past. Past wrongdoings, past disagreements. I find looking forward lets me leave it all behind. It's hard to hate the future if you're sober.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
Ive had my share of harboring resentments
over the yrs. and found a solution in recovery
to help me deal with them. A solution of letting
go and placing it all in the hands of my HP of
my understanding.
Resentments kill. Resentments made me sick.
Robbing me of a life of enjoyment, peace, happiness
in recovery. I had to be taught about how to rid
myself of those resentments and how to keep
them at bay so if they try to seep in my mind
I can quickly let go of them and put them in
the Proper hands to deal with.
When I do that, a calmness comes over me
like the weight of the world has been lifted
off me. What a relief and freeing feeling it is
to have that.
Resentments happen because I cant change
that person, place or thing to my own liking.
I had to learn to accept that fact in order to
move on. To live a healthier, happier life in
recovery.
When I place whatever resentment I have
in the Proper Hands, then I don't have to
worry about it any longer. Or for that day
or moment. I keep repeating that process
for as long as I have to till I believe it.
Im glad I don't have to carry resentments
on my own anymore today, because it would
keep me in my sickness. It would keep my
heart heavy, my soul black. My mind crazy.
My health weak.
Giving my resentment to Someone else is
a weight off my mind and glad I don't have
to worry about it any longer. What a gift in
recovery that is..!!!
over the yrs. and found a solution in recovery
to help me deal with them. A solution of letting
go and placing it all in the hands of my HP of
my understanding.
Resentments kill. Resentments made me sick.
Robbing me of a life of enjoyment, peace, happiness
in recovery. I had to be taught about how to rid
myself of those resentments and how to keep
them at bay so if they try to seep in my mind
I can quickly let go of them and put them in
the Proper hands to deal with.
When I do that, a calmness comes over me
like the weight of the world has been lifted
off me. What a relief and freeing feeling it is
to have that.
Resentments happen because I cant change
that person, place or thing to my own liking.
I had to learn to accept that fact in order to
move on. To live a healthier, happier life in
recovery.
When I place whatever resentment I have
in the Proper Hands, then I don't have to
worry about it any longer. Or for that day
or moment. I keep repeating that process
for as long as I have to till I believe it.
Im glad I don't have to carry resentments
on my own anymore today, because it would
keep me in my sickness. It would keep my
heart heavy, my soul black. My mind crazy.
My health weak.
Giving my resentment to Someone else is
a weight off my mind and glad I don't have
to worry about it any longer. What a gift in
recovery that is..!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 14
I use to feel the same way. Now, I attend AA & NA meetings & it is helping me to forgive myself & other people. Forgiving yourself is the first & hardest part. I try to remember, hating someone else only hurts me, not them. I don't want to hurt myself anymore.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Chille: The thing about hatred is that when you hate you give that other person power over you. Last Thanksgiving a woman who had had a stroke berated me publicly when I was trying to be nice to her and I think she may have been surprised to hear that I told her friends that I understood because she had been ill and that this had made her angry. With understanding comes forgiveness and this is the most powerful medicine to overcome hatred. It frees us from being emotionally dominated by those who don't understand you. It baffles them and leads them to reevaluate their own behavior.
W.
W.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Posts: 29
Oh my, hatred and non forgiving is not getting you anywhere or satisfaction! Trust me, I had millions and due to a Ponzi scheme have nothing, or so I thought. I have my life and the ponzu schemer does not, he is in jail, and has to live with his himself. I have been given the chance to do something with my life and help others. I have forgotten about this guy and looking back on yesterday does nothing for me for tomorrow. To me that is the best satisfaction I can have is regaining control of myself and assisting others. I WOKE UP AFTER FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. Nobody gives a **** about negative yesterday's. Today and tomorrow is all that counts and it is up to you to make it count. You have a very precious life, use it to the fullest extent and just enjoy, because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
I think it helps to work on cultivating a mindset of acceptance - sort of an expansion of Step 1. Accepting that we are powerless over a lot of things in life, but that all experiences, good or bad, offer opportunities for learning and growth. There is a reason why these people push your buttons so powerfully. Perhaps they have treated you in a truly unacceptable and mean-spirited or hostile way, but there is a reason why these experiences have come into your life, and there are lessons to be learned that will help you become better, stronger, more compassionate - that will help you grow.
I've also found it helpful to consciously work on cultivating self-love. You are expending a lot of energy and focus externally, on these other people, and your reaction to them probably has lessons to teach you about yourself. I've heard it said that life is a mirror - what you like about people and what you don't like about people are all, at some level, reflections of yourself. I have found that if I turn my focus inward and work on nurturing self-love and self-acceptance, the behavior of other people towards me more easily rolls off me. I am better able to observe their behavior without their actions and words touching my core. Instead, I find myself wondering somewhat dispassionately about THEM and what things I am triggering in them that is causing their reaction.
I've also found it helpful to consciously work on cultivating self-love. You are expending a lot of energy and focus externally, on these other people, and your reaction to them probably has lessons to teach you about yourself. I've heard it said that life is a mirror - what you like about people and what you don't like about people are all, at some level, reflections of yourself. I have found that if I turn my focus inward and work on nurturing self-love and self-acceptance, the behavior of other people towards me more easily rolls off me. I am better able to observe their behavior without their actions and words touching my core. Instead, I find myself wondering somewhat dispassionately about THEM and what things I am triggering in them that is causing their reaction.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I think Mahatma Gandhi had some insights about the futility of hatred. Passive resistance is a way of getting people to think about the propriety of what they are doing. Hatred merely spurs them on. They expect you to hate them in return. The absence of such hatred may be a very powerful force. Not always, for there are those who are so obsessed with themselves that they have no heart for others. Yet I believe that most people have not lost their humanity. It is wise to proceed on that assumption.
W.
W.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Love and tolerance
I was at a meeting earlier. Don't know why but for some reason I logged on here again.
Topic of meeting was L&T from the 'Daily Reflections" book.
Love and tolerance is our code. AA, p84
I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress.The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it.
I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart.I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake.Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problems.
The above was read at an AA meeting tonight and discussed. Interesting that it surfaced again in this thread. Hope y'all don't mind that I brought it with me.
Topic of meeting was L&T from the 'Daily Reflections" book.
Love and tolerance is our code. AA, p84
I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress.The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it.
I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart.I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake.Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problems.
The above was read at an AA meeting tonight and discussed. Interesting that it surfaced again in this thread. Hope y'all don't mind that I brought it with me.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
I relate to this. Although I would never act on what I sometimes think, I still find myself mulling over old grudges to an unhealthy degree at times. It's such a time waster. Funny how I don't like to dwell on the things I've done to others. /:
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by Johnston
I relate to this. Although I would never act on what I sometimes think, I still find myself mulling over old grudges to an unhealthy degree at times. It's such a time waster. Funny how I don't like to dwell on the things I've done to others. /:
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