kiki1988

Just a week into my recovery, I have had a little breakthrough.

One of the things I have been really worried about is that I'm 25 and I don't want to become a hermit as a sober person. I really want to be okay with going out in environments where people are drinking. Earlier I was upset because a much-loved band of mine were playing in this dive bar where I used to drink a lot. I knew I risked relapse if I went there, so I went to the cinema with a new AA friend instead.

After, a friend let me know she was taking a visitor she has over from the states to a super fancy bar here. It's the kind of place people sip wine and never get visibly drunk, so I thought I would chance it. I had a great night. I drank two red bulls [gonna be up all night] and then a very berry mocktail. I don't want to get too cocky, but I had no real craving to drink. There were a couple of wistful moments as I watched the others enjoy their wine, but I didn't get tempted and I didn't feel left out, we actually had a real laugh.

Progress?

My friends now want me to join them for brunch tomorrow from 12 -4.

I'm not sure if I will go. There is an AA meeting at 10 so I think I will go to that and then decide? Any thoughts?

least

I'd be wary of hanging out in bars so early in recovery. I had a hard time the first few months and couldn't be around people drinking.

Why not bring it up at the meeting, get the feedback from the group?

Hevyn

I'm glad you had a good time & weren't tempted kiki. It is a bit risky - I like least's suggestion about mentioning it at your meeting.

StraightAhead

There will be plenty of time in the future to go to bars and restaurants with friends. I would say give yourself some time to get used to this new regime before getting back into the patterns that caused you so much grief. But I also do think that a non-drinker needs to figure out how to co-exist with alcohol, since it is all around us and really cannot be avoided. I feel as thought I want to tell all the drinkers that they are poisoning themselves, but of course I don't.

KateL

That sounds lovely. So happy for you XXXX

zoey09

I'm 26 and I totally get the not wanting to be a hermit thing. I hermatized for a bit early in my recovery, and eventually it started to feel more natural being out in these environments. Be wary that these wistful moments in environments where there is drinking going on. On a day where your not feeling so strong it could possibly turn into a mistake. At least that's what happened with me.
I became complacent, a little cocky, didn't put much effort towards my recovery and started missing my former life....
Which then led me to one drink, which led led me back to my old ways and into a few month relapse.


See how your feeling after the AA meeting, but try not to take on too many new experiences all at once, baby steps.
Glad to hear you had a great night sober though, sounds like your making some good choices and congrats on a week! Feels pretty awesome hey?

kiki1988

Thanks guys. There was one small hiccup in the night I'd like to get your thoughts on.

I was out with my best friend, who knows all about what I am going through, her visitor, and another girl I'm friendly with but don't know all that well. At one point, the last girl was passing around her cocktail because she wanted everyone to taste it. When she got to me I just said "no thanks" and she immediately got really embarrassed and said "oh my god, i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to..." I was like "don't worry it's cool" but it bothered me because I have not told her that I quit drinking

Obviously my best friend did. And from the girl's reaction, I don't think she just said I was laying off it for a while, I get the feeling she told her I was going to AA. Later in the night, my best friend started telling the group a deeply personal story about one of our other friend's childhood. I asked her to join me in the bathroom and explained that I didn't think she should be telling us that story as it was very personal to him and I'm sure he would want to tell us himself when the time came and not hear it from her at a bar.

I then explained that the real reason it upset me is that I feel like she has been telling others my stuff. I talked to her really calmly about it and I think she understood, but I still feel a bit let down that she would tell people my business.

Goldcoastgirl

I can understand you feeling upset with your friend because it should be your choice to decide who you share your personal stuff with. You handled it really well though and I hope it made her more conscious about talking about other people's business x

Amajorityofone

How are you feeling today?

Dee74

There's a lot of things you can do sober without involving alcohol - there's no need to be a hermit at all

I agree with the others tho - it's early days...put your recovery first for a while when thinking about going out somewhere.

As for friends and slipped secrets - that's one of the reasons why I urge caution about who you tell and how much you tell them.

A lot of people will blab- choose your confidantes well.

D