Not Sure Where Else to Post This
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Lake Mary, FL
Posts: 159
Not Sure Where Else to Post This
So it has now officially been 2 months of sobriety for me. That part is easy. Now.
But I am nearing a nervous breakdown for several reasons:
1. My lease is not being renewed because it is a condo and was in forclosure (I did not know this) and the bank is taking over.
2. I don't have the money to get a new place yet, which means I have to live with my mom for at least 3 months...possibly 6.
3. A week after I stopped drinking I sought out workout buddies. I met this guy and we started doing 5 miles a couple times a night. It was perfect. Then we went to the beach, he had me over for dinner, et,c. It was still just a friendship.
4. I told him that I liked him...he said the feeling was mutual. The first couple times of hanging out with these new terms was great (not intimate yet)
5. Yesterday and today he was a complete jerk and I feel my world crushing in. He is. Harsh, wants to shut me down when I try to explain something and I have been crying for 2 days it seems.
6. His motto on relationships is "honesty, no passive-aggressiveness" and no complaining."
7. We went to do our 5 mile walk but it was cold. I mentioned it a few times (I was freezing)...he shu4 down, yelled at me and told me that if I was going to complain he was not participating. I then said the breeze was freezing (it was) same deal. I wound up crying at thepart...but then apologizing for my behavior. He said I was passive-aggressive because I prefaced a comment" . Basically, whatever I said was infuriating him and he nearly left. We talked it out. And yet,c I wanted to cry all day.
1
8. After more thought I realized as a part-time photographer he is always commenting on how he works with "very attractive women". Well, my ex I husband did too. It isn't a big deal. What IS A BIG DEAL IS THAT HE HAS NEVER COMPLIMENTED ME ONCE. NOT MY CLOTHES, NOT MY HAIR, NOT TELLING ME I am beautiful or attractive...or even cute.
9. Tonight I emailed him asking for him to be in touch as I had a question for him. I asked if he thought I was attractive. This significantly bothered him. He wanted to know why i0he would spend time with me if he didn't thi nk that. He said "yes". Then he got all upset about why was I asking. I told him because he never told me but he mentioned other women's appearances frequently. His response was "why is it always a competition with you:" I said it isn't. I just needed to know. THEN he told me to never email him that I had a question for him. I should just ask.
10. I feel awful and know I should walk away but I really did enjoy the 2 montgs we spent together as friends. I don't want to lose it. But I feel like crap. N othing I say or do is right with him. I'm sad. And he had an explosive temper. It makes me not even want to talk to him.
But I am nearing a nervous breakdown for several reasons:
1. My lease is not being renewed because it is a condo and was in forclosure (I did not know this) and the bank is taking over.
2. I don't have the money to get a new place yet, which means I have to live with my mom for at least 3 months...possibly 6.
3. A week after I stopped drinking I sought out workout buddies. I met this guy and we started doing 5 miles a couple times a night. It was perfect. Then we went to the beach, he had me over for dinner, et,c. It was still just a friendship.
4. I told him that I liked him...he said the feeling was mutual. The first couple times of hanging out with these new terms was great (not intimate yet)
5. Yesterday and today he was a complete jerk and I feel my world crushing in. He is. Harsh, wants to shut me down when I try to explain something and I have been crying for 2 days it seems.
6. His motto on relationships is "honesty, no passive-aggressiveness" and no complaining."
7. We went to do our 5 mile walk but it was cold. I mentioned it a few times (I was freezing)...he shu4 down, yelled at me and told me that if I was going to complain he was not participating. I then said the breeze was freezing (it was) same deal. I wound up crying at thepart...but then apologizing for my behavior. He said I was passive-aggressive because I prefaced a comment" . Basically, whatever I said was infuriating him and he nearly left. We talked it out. And yet,c I wanted to cry all day.
1
8. After more thought I realized as a part-time photographer he is always commenting on how he works with "very attractive women". Well, my ex I husband did too. It isn't a big deal. What IS A BIG DEAL IS THAT HE HAS NEVER COMPLIMENTED ME ONCE. NOT MY CLOTHES, NOT MY HAIR, NOT TELLING ME I am beautiful or attractive...or even cute.
9. Tonight I emailed him asking for him to be in touch as I had a question for him. I asked if he thought I was attractive. This significantly bothered him. He wanted to know why i0he would spend time with me if he didn't thi nk that. He said "yes". Then he got all upset about why was I asking. I told him because he never told me but he mentioned other women's appearances frequently. His response was "why is it always a competition with you:" I said it isn't. I just needed to know. THEN he told me to never email him that I had a question for him. I should just ask.
10. I feel awful and know I should walk away but I really did enjoy the 2 montgs we spent together as friends. I don't want to lose it. But I feel like crap. N othing I say or do is right with him. I'm sad. And he had an explosive temper. It makes me not even want to talk to him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
Drop kick that guys butt PRONTO. It's early enough to make an escape only scalded. Getting more emotionally tied to him and being subjected to that sort of treatment is going to snowball into something really crushing. Far too many people use "honest" as an excuse to be a jerk and feed off of your energy and you need your self-esteem right now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 297
Hey, nicole100 - Congrats on 2 months...I Personally couldn't even DREAM of having a Relationship with anyone in My Early sobriety, here...I'm having enough difficulty starting and nurturing one with Myself. I think if I was in a relationship, it may Totally take the Focus off of what I could be achieving at the moment, which is learning to Love Me...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi Nicole 
Try not to worry about a place to live - it's really good you have your moms as a fall back, and it won't be forever.
As far as the guy goes - from what you've posted, I think you deserve better.
Don't be afraid to aim for that
D
Try not to worry about a place to live - it's really good you have your moms as a fall back, and it won't be forever.
As far as the guy goes - from what you've posted, I think you deserve better.
Don't be afraid to aim for that
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Regardless of whether you had two months sober or never had a drink your entire life, get away from this guy. This clown doesn't deserve any woman. Sorry if he's your friend. He certainly isn't a man in my book. But that's just me.
And though I'm no expert, there is something in finding yourself before you get involved with someone else early in sobriety. No matter how you feel right now, you are still affected mentally and physically from the big A. Depending on your history it could be longer or shorter. But you still need some more time.
Hang in there. Stay positive. Best wishes to you.
And though I'm no expert, there is something in finding yourself before you get involved with someone else early in sobriety. No matter how you feel right now, you are still affected mentally and physically from the big A. Depending on your history it could be longer or shorter. But you still need some more time.
Hang in there. Stay positive. Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Nicole, if this was a woman friend and she was treating you this way after a 2 month friendship what would you think? You took the brave step of not allowing alcohol to tear you down, don't let a guy do that either.
There are a lot of cute joggers out there.
There are a lot of cute joggers out there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
There is a good reason why it is suggested that we not get in any relationships in our 1st year of sobriety. We are not ready. We don't even know who we are let alone anyone else. It sounds like you have low self esteem issues and need his validation.
You are perfect just the way you are and you don't need his approval. He is seeing this and is now playing with your head. Let him go.
Focus on your recovery - period. Stay away from men. Get to know yourself. Develop your new sober self. In early recovery a lot of people turn their addiction towards anything that will fill that void. Men, food, excercise, sex, gambling,
We need to do a deep self examination of our behaviors, the things we used to be driven to drink or drug over. We need to allow ourselves to feel those feelings so we can learn new coping skills not just jump into another activity or relationship so we don't have to feel.
PS be grateful you will have a place to live. i lost everything. Lived with my folks for 2 years. Gotta start rebuilding. You'll have a place again.
I got my own place after 8 months sober or so.
You are perfect just the way you are and you don't need his approval. He is seeing this and is now playing with your head. Let him go.
Focus on your recovery - period. Stay away from men. Get to know yourself. Develop your new sober self. In early recovery a lot of people turn their addiction towards anything that will fill that void. Men, food, excercise, sex, gambling,
We need to do a deep self examination of our behaviors, the things we used to be driven to drink or drug over. We need to allow ourselves to feel those feelings so we can learn new coping skills not just jump into another activity or relationship so we don't have to feel.
PS be grateful you will have a place to live. i lost everything. Lived with my folks for 2 years. Gotta start rebuilding. You'll have a place again.
I got my own place after 8 months sober or so.
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