PinotNOmore

I entered a new decade last week. It was an emotional month leading up to my birthday. After the miscarriage I was hell bent on becoming as healthy as possible so when we could try again I'd be physically and emotionally ready. Things were going well, for a while. I was moderating my drinking and only had a few drinks on the weekends. I think I drank a total of 6 times in 5 weeks. I was still seeing my counselor and expressed my concern about getting too complacent. I set a "final quit date" of my birthday. Like my title states, New decade, new me. But I had been dreading my birthday all month, worrying I'd go overboard, do something embarrassing. I was looking SO forward to having a sober year when I found out I was pregnant. A dinner out with friends for my big day, no fear of drinking. Well, it went down quite a bit differently. People find out it's your birthday and the drinks start flying your way. I haven't drank that much in years, don't even remember the end of the night. Not how I envisioned entering a new year, let alone a new decade.
Three days later and I still feel crappy. I am now craving a drink, which I don't think I've had happen since before I got pregnant late last year. It's like a switch has been flipped. A switch that had been turned off after being sober for over 3 months. Now it's going to be harder to keep myself from drinking, all because I felt one last hurrah was in order. This s**t is sneaky. I have a therapy appointment this afternoon, but I've been going since June and am not sure if it's even helping. This is not something with an easy button. I've been reading posts the last few days and there are so many people struggling with this. I really want to be one of the ones with a success story, but I'm realizing I might need to be a lot more active in this journey. I get so comfortable when I start to feel good, and that's when I fail. So here I am, back at SR. I'm ready to put some serious effort into this. Even as my mind is trying to argue with me as I write this!! ARRGGG! Day one here. Thanks for listening.

doggonecarl

Welcome back.

Please get a good bit of sober time under your belt before you have a baby. Being pregnant isn't a recovery method. I don't mean to sound harsh. I say this out of concern for you, and for your future child, who needs a sober mom.

PinotNOmore

I'm not using it as a recovery method. I appreciate your support, but it's a decision I'm not waiting on. After miscarrying, I am all the more desperate to extend my family. I'm not drinking regularly. It's when I go out in social situations that it becomes an issue. I have no doubt this is the best decision for my family. I don't drink when alone with my child, and my husband doesn't drink if I am. We are very safe in that regard.

toddle118

Welcome back, stay strong x you can do it again!

Amajorityofone

Friend-

If success is what you ultimately seek, then simplify, simplify, simplify.

Meaning, all you have to do, is not drink today.

That's IT!

Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, your birthday, or even think about next year. The smaller your make the goal, the more achievable sobriety becomes. Why jump over a hurdle when you can walk over a stick?

You can do this!

Anna

Welcome back, PinotNoMore!

Yes, complacency doesn't work on this recovery journey.

And, you need to do this for yourself, not for a pregnancy or for anyone else. It's hard and ultimately you need to believe that YOU are worth it. That's what keeps you working on recovery.

PinotNOmore

^^^^ Is so fabulous! Thank you all. I'm glad to be back.

Hevyn

Very glad to see you back with us Pinot! We are here to help, and we know you can do this.

PinotNOmore

I am learning this Anna. No one thinks I have an major issue. Getting hard to try and convince people you have a problem when it's easier to hear that you don't. I think doing this for me alone will be essential!

alphaomega

So happy to see you Pinot ! You can do this, its not going to easy, but it will be worth it.

ReadyAtLast

You don't have to convince anyone else you have a problem,only yourself. Don't waste your time and energy trying to convince anyone of anything-it's futile and will only cause you unnecessary stress,anger,annoyance, desperation and people will try and convince you that you are fine.what thye think doesn t matter-they don't walk in your shoes

Use your energies in getting sober. It's good to see you back

least

Welcome back!

ScottFromWI

Not drinking regularly and not drinking when alone with your child is certainly a good idea, but it's not sobriety. It means you are still drinking.

You mentioned in your original post that you think you need to be more involved with this process, you hit the nail absolutely on the head with that. Getting sober first and foremost means accepting that you cannot drink, ever. Not even when your kids are asleep and your husband is home and sober himself, or any other excuse you can come up with. And I don't mean you personally, i mean in general - we alcoholics are absolute experts at coming up with excuses to drink.

Wanting to do this for your hopefully expanding family is a noble cause, but as others have said it first has to start with you. You need to find a plan that will work for you, whether its SR, AA, Counseling, etc... and follow it to a T. And most likely you'll have to change the plan as you go, most of us do. It won't be easy, there is no magic pill or book you can read to make it all go away. But it is absolutely attainable if you choose to put in the effort - and I am personally rooting for you to do so. Please don't be a stranger here1!