OnlyOneSpeed

well i just got home from Atlantic City. I had went all week sober and decided i was gunna have some fun.(yikes) Friday night i drank like a fish, had my regular grey goose and soda half and half, bout 8 shots worth, went to dinner and had some beers, hit the casino's and went crazy.. 15-20 drinks later me and my brother stumbled back to the hotel around two, i had actually broke even with a lucky as hell red 14.. woke up a 4pm with a throbbing headache (from the cig smoke the night before) and made a nice 4 shot vodka soda, blew a .10 in my little pocket breathalyzer, shook my head, took a shower, and went to meet up with my people who were already at the casino,,,
well this is were the **** goes down... started gambling and well who is going to turn down free drinks, drank till about 7 when dinner reservations were scheduled..at the brewery... few more beers then went to the strip club across the street in the casino.. had a few shots of taquila and a beer, started getting late and everyone left...but me. i stayed in the casino drinking partying and gambling until 10am when i finally lost all 600 dollars in my pocket and could barely stand,, some how stumbled 2 miles back to the hotel.. time to go home...after about a 3 day bender, i feel like **** and like crying depressed for some reason.. my heart is fluttering and either my liver or gallbladder is giving me a fit.. i am having very strange twitches im my abdomen, but my right side is not ok.. i have noticed that as days pass with out drinking, this strange pain can get worse, come and go, and even move around a bit..
Any ideas what is going on? any advice for me? for 2 or three years i binge drank every day but as of recently, i have been sticking to weekend drinking..what should i do? my parents know i drink like a fish because they saw my ggt was at 151 and..well..a quick google search will tell you why..no one really cares though. i put on a good face, get good grades in school, and everyone's happy. a few weeks ago i went on an even crazier bender and got arrest for dui, reckless driving and a felony evading and eluding for leading the police on a bit of a chase..(dont ask me why i did it, .223) after me and my mom met with the lawyer, we went to the bar and got a drink.
honestly, i have recently been able to go days and not think about booze too much, but i am a sucker for peer pressure.. i dont drink at home anymore(watching tv, etc) but if someone calls and wants to hang out, i know i wil be getting drunk..i love alcohol so much, it has gotten me through unhappy points in my life but right now it is just stressing me out mainly for my health. i am typing right now in bed late at night right now cuz i cant sleep so sorry if this is a long one for anyone who reads this by chance. i just cant sleep because i am afraid to die, and i cant stop thinking of the danger i have put my self and others in in the past.. i have almost killed people multiple times as well as my self and im just ashamed.. honestly i think i get a bit suicidal when i am smashed.. i will take any risk and do not care. when i am sober i am scared of death, mainly because it would hurt my mother and family so much.
i can seriously say with a straight face that i am lucky to be alive, but how? and why? its like people in my family make it through the craziest **** and for no reason. since a few months ago, i am constantly thinking that i am here for a reason. i love to help people out and have been helping people every chance i can get. giving strangers rides( i know, kind of dangerous). as a matter of fact, i gave a cabbie a 50 the other day to try and cheer him up cuz he looked sadder than me..maybe if i hang in there something great will happen? i play the lotto all the time cuz im always thinking "hey, maybe today is my day!" never win,lol but gambling and all that other **** is probably just another problem i have... today my right side was hurting, i was laying in bed listening to music, i felt like crying cuz i am afraid i will spontaneously going to die or something from this stomach thing.. i held my loaded glock 21 (.45ACP) to my head for a little while and im not sure why but it made me feel better.. after i put the gun down, i think deep down i was thinking well, i aint dead yet, and i almost wanted to drink to that..i think i am so ****** in the head..well im gunna watch netflix and try to pass out naturally.. wish me luck

Mountainmanbob

best to seek some Suicide Help Line type of help
please give them a call

this site is great
but
one must be alive to participate

prayers just sent out for you to find help

MM


Pennsylvania Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Pennsylvania Suicide ...



http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/penn...es.html‎




Adams, Cumberland, Dauphin, Franklin, & Perry Counties CONTACT Helpline 24 hrs / 7 days. Carlisle (717) 249-6226. Harrisburg (717) 652-4400. Adams ...

Aarryckha

+1

Or get yourself to an ER and tell them everything you wrote here.

Please seek help.

OnlyOneSpeed

gee, people are fast on this website, thanks, i have went to the er in January because i threw up blood, and had some in the stool.. that's why i haven't been drinking during the week, because the er doc said i had better slow it down or wont live very long, the suicide crap is last on my list behind health and getting this habbit under control.. appreciate the reply boss, goodnight

Aarryckha

Your detox could be dangerous given how much you drank. That's a big reason to seek medical advice.

Dee74

Hi OnlyOneSpeed

The advice to see your Dr is good. We can't give you medical advice here.
Despair when drinking is pretty common too - if you ever need help, there's a lot of good reading and places to call 24/7 here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html


As for the rest, I remember that trap very well. Peer pressure would get me time and again.

I'm gonna be blunt.

I nearly died from my drinking.

I was that kind of drinker,. Sounds you like you might be too. Normal drinkers don't throw up blood.

For me, in the end it was a choice - my friends & my current lifestyle, or my survival.

I chose survival.

You can too.

D

StraightAhead

OnlyOneSpeed, its pretty obvious that your body is giving out on you. Once you wreck your liver that's about it. I hardly know what to say to you except do you really feel it is worth it to ruin your health over alcohol? If so, you are on the right path it sounds like. If not, then you need a plan to quit. I hope you decide to quit. Best of luck to you.

SeaScape

Hi there
Please get some help with detox and getting sober. When you have lost your health it won't matter what you like drink to any longer or how much fun you want to have. Your body needs rest and nourishment and you deserve to live a long and happy life free of stomach pain.
I really had to get serious about understanding the consequences of depression, anxiety and all the physical crap to sober up.
Invest in yourself!

OnlyOneSpeed

god help me,, i shouldn't have logged back on here tonight, ill never get to bed.. im super scared and don't want to die in my sleep.. i can not believe i have ruined my body like this. i am so stressed out. thanks for the good luck wish..

Dee74

Try to relax OnlyOneSpeed - I'm sure no one here was trying to scare you

If you're concerned the best thing to do is to see a Dr - thats a simple statement of fact, but none of us can diagnose your problems or what severity they might be over the internet.

If you weren't worried enough to seek medical attention before you started this thread then you're probably ok to see a Dr at your convenience.

But the sooner you do that, the sooner you can stop freaking yourself out, y'know?

D

afloatsober

See a doctor buddy, and i'm no medic and medical advice is forbidden here for good reasons, however i don't need to be a doc to know that the first thing he is gonna tell you to do, if you are honest with him, is to quit boozing.
With help and support sobriety can be achieved and all manner of good things come to pass. It is my experience, as one who took it to the wire, that all manner of hell awaits the alcoholic that continues drinking alcohol.
It reaLly is your call, right from now.....
Hope you make a good one and we hear a lot about your sober exploits on here!!
G

Aarryckha

Agree with Dee. I certainly wasn't trying to scare you. I'm sorry if I did.

All kinds of red flags went off when you were talking about the gun.

I went through my detox at home alone. It was hell. I can't sugarcoat it. When you get through it, you will have motivation to stay sober.

Best of luck. I'll be thinking about you.

deeker

You said giving strangers rides was kinda dangerous, after the 2 days you had I think giving a stranger a ride is the least of your problems. Sounds like you were in serious danger for 2 days. Man that is scary, I would get to the hospital. You have been pouring poison in you for almost 2 days straight non stop it sounds like. Please go. If this scares you I am sorry, but this should scare you, it is very serious.

KateL

I hope you are ok xxxxxx

Dee74

how are you doing onlyonespeed?

D

OnlyOneSpeed

feeling a lot better, woke up today squeezed a grapefruit and some limes to drink. made a fruit and yogurt smoothie, took some vitamins. had a pizza for lunch and even ran/jogged on the treadmill for a half hour. had chicken and asparagus for dinner and an icecream sandwich.. been drinking alot of water, but my stomach is still giving me a fit.. my people want to go to ocmd this thursday night,,kindof concerned, my favorite bars will be popping off right across the street.. but as for now i am feeling great mentally..

Aarryckha

I'm glad you're doing better today.

If you are concerned about going out on Thursday, stay home.

Dee74

yesterday you were in fear for your life Only... I would not get anywhere near a bar right now if you can help it.

D

tornrealization

Hi onlyonespeed, I'd have to say I've been in a similar boat and very recently in regards to depression and boozing. I ended up in the ER last Monday with .37 BAC and under crisis watch.

I posted here on SR. I then had a family outing where there were drinking related events. I was angry, jealous, sad but made the choice to not join them because I want to live. I would never have been under crisis watch had it not been for booze greatly impairing me.

If you can stay away from the bar, you'll be rewarded after the frustrations in the morning. Posting on here means you think you might want to change. So try just for today. Then tomorrow try for just for tomorrow.

Please be well.

Mountainmanbob

I hope that you will take that as a stern warning tornrealization
remembering back to when I was a young man
ended up in the ER late one night
the doctor had a helpless look on his face as he told me
"that I was going to kill myself if I didn't stop doing what I was doing"
I went home and continued with my drinking and drugging program
I'm very fortunate to be alive today
but
there are now some long lasting health problems due to the abuse

take care of yourself while you still can
I have had (many) of my friends die over the years due to drinking

going to AA and church has helped me to stay sober
also this site -- has been of much help

MM