Not ready? How bad does it have to get.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 623
I tried to quit many times, but deep down I knew Id drink again, I wasnt fully committed. I lost my partner, my job, car, everything but my home. This time round I actually knew I was killing myself, I looked terrible, my existence was miserable, I couldnt hold a glass first thing in the morning I shook so much. I never slept, hardly ate.
Do you want to wait to be like that? It didnt take long either, and it really scared me...perhaps you need a scare like that? I really hope not.
Like other posters have said, we are not normal drinkers, the fun in it has gone, remember that and dont kid yourself next time will be different.
Good luck to you x
Do you want to wait to be like that? It didnt take long either, and it really scared me...perhaps you need a scare like that? I really hope not.
Like other posters have said, we are not normal drinkers, the fun in it has gone, remember that and dont kid yourself next time will be different.
Good luck to you x
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 
Has anyone struggled with not feeling the desire and motivation to stay sober, but somehow hung on until that desire and motivation came?
What are you doing in order to stay sober?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Mrrryah1- You wrote, "I can't keep relapsing and coming back. I just can't. It feels awful. Why don't I care enough to stick with it?"
A very good question. I went on like that for years until it got so bad that if I hadn't gone to a rehab I would have died within a week. What happens is that after enough drinking the body's whole chemistry and physiology has changed in order to adapt to the alcohol. The body "needs" alcohol to function just like a normal body needs water. And ironically alcohol results in dehydration. The more primitive parts of the brain enlist in the struggle to concoct all sorts of messages, some subconscious, others barely conscious, to persuade what's left of the rational part of the brain to continue drinking: "Just one more" "I'll stop tomorrow" "I'm straightened out and I can handle it now"
One thing is certain. If you're an alcoholic it only gets worse because as your body gets older it can't handle the alcohol like it did when you were young. Time is your enemy. Part of your brain is also your enemy. And what is meant by "you"? Has it gone so far that there is really not much left of "you"? Things start to close in and eventually you're alone with what you thought was once your friend but has now become your bitter enemy.
Once in the middle of the night I woke up and saw it there sitting in the corner of the room. It's eyes burning into what was left of my soul and at that moment I knew that it knew everything about me and was bent on my destruction. But still this didn't stop me from drinking. It was only late one afternoon when I felt a terrible toxic feeling inside and sensed that the end was not far away that I called for help. That's what it took. And even then it took years of help from professionals and particularly from other alcoholics in recovery. I had been to the territory and I came back. It need not have turned out that way. Something happened to me and made me stop. I think it may have been the nurse who told me that she'd seen folks die of liver disease and that she'd choose cancer any old day over suffering as they did.
W.
A very good question. I went on like that for years until it got so bad that if I hadn't gone to a rehab I would have died within a week. What happens is that after enough drinking the body's whole chemistry and physiology has changed in order to adapt to the alcohol. The body "needs" alcohol to function just like a normal body needs water. And ironically alcohol results in dehydration. The more primitive parts of the brain enlist in the struggle to concoct all sorts of messages, some subconscious, others barely conscious, to persuade what's left of the rational part of the brain to continue drinking: "Just one more" "I'll stop tomorrow" "I'm straightened out and I can handle it now"
One thing is certain. If you're an alcoholic it only gets worse because as your body gets older it can't handle the alcohol like it did when you were young. Time is your enemy. Part of your brain is also your enemy. And what is meant by "you"? Has it gone so far that there is really not much left of "you"? Things start to close in and eventually you're alone with what you thought was once your friend but has now become your bitter enemy.
Once in the middle of the night I woke up and saw it there sitting in the corner of the room. It's eyes burning into what was left of my soul and at that moment I knew that it knew everything about me and was bent on my destruction. But still this didn't stop me from drinking. It was only late one afternoon when I felt a terrible toxic feeling inside and sensed that the end was not far away that I called for help. That's what it took. And even then it took years of help from professionals and particularly from other alcoholics in recovery. I had been to the territory and I came back. It need not have turned out that way. Something happened to me and made me stop. I think it may have been the nurse who told me that she'd seen folks die of liver disease and that she'd choose cancer any old day over suffering as they did.
W.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Mrrryah,
I will be honest. I'm not sure when I first got on here it was because I was trying so hard to stay sober. I think it was more I just was so tired of being unhappy and hating myself. It just finally dawned on me the reason why I was so unhappy and hated myself. Because I drank too much and too often. And probably more importantly for me, I finally accepted it.
I just couldn't have it both ways. I was either destined to a life of unhappiness and feeling worthless or stop drinking. For good. If I drink again. I get it all back. And that's just the way it is.
Then once I did accept it, that's when all the things people said to do started making sense. I was open to trying anything. Little by little I found what worked. And I knew it was working when at first I had moments of feeling human again. The farther I got away from alcohol the more the moments came and the longer they lasted. I hung to those moments in the early days for dear life.
Those moments became my relief from the pain instead of being drunk.
I only share about me. It wasn't always easy. But I knew in my heart it was the only way.
I wish you the best and hope you find your moments to get you through.
xxxx
I will be honest. I'm not sure when I first got on here it was because I was trying so hard to stay sober. I think it was more I just was so tired of being unhappy and hating myself. It just finally dawned on me the reason why I was so unhappy and hated myself. Because I drank too much and too often. And probably more importantly for me, I finally accepted it.
I just couldn't have it both ways. I was either destined to a life of unhappiness and feeling worthless or stop drinking. For good. If I drink again. I get it all back. And that's just the way it is.
Then once I did accept it, that's when all the things people said to do started making sense. I was open to trying anything. Little by little I found what worked. And I knew it was working when at first I had moments of feeling human again. The farther I got away from alcohol the more the moments came and the longer they lasted. I hung to those moments in the early days for dear life.
Those moments became my relief from the pain instead of being drunk.
I only share about me. It wasn't always easy. But I knew in my heart it was the only way.
I wish you the best and hope you find your moments to get you through.
xxxx
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