donya

I tried so hard to stay sober today but I couldn't. Its not like I don't want to, I really really really do want to be sober but then the smallest dumbest thing sets me off and that's it.

I know exactly why I drink, I know exactly what made me what I am today, I know exactly what sets me off and makes me drink, and all I have to do is speak up and talk to someone that can help me deal with it but I just can't. I'm a giant chicken and I'm not afraid to say it. At this point in my life I do not care if I live or die and that is not the way to live life. I feel like I have hit rock bottom, now its time to climb back up, just need the courage to do so.

Sorry for rambling on, its nice to have a place to get it all out.

CMack

Do ramble! I feel you. I fell apart this weekend.

DoubleBarrel

I understand the self flagellation , but you don't drink because you are stupid.
You drink because you are an alcoholic, and you lack the tools to stay sober.

What did you learn from this experience? What lead up to you taking the first drink?

This can be a learning experience. We've all been there.

Aarryckha

Donya, you had a bad day. It happens.

You said you know why you drink. What can you change in the future to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Do you have support?

Dust yourself off and start again.

Dee74

Why not join a support thread donya - it's a great place to go if you feel vulnerable or you're craving...

this is the current Class of March thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-8.html

donya

Thanks y'all for the nice words. Sometimes I wonder if we ever run out of chances to try again. I mean if we have an unlimited number of chances, that's a pretty sucky life to live if you never get sober. Hope that makes sense, it does in my head right now.

Dee74

I don't think it's ever too late to try Donya

D

tornrealization

Donya, you aren't an idiot. I agree with Aarryckha, dust yourself and try again.

I see you are interested in trying to quit by just posting here. Keep trying and posting.

DoubleBarrel

I went through a horrible many years where I woke up almost EVERY day wishing I hadn't drank and intending to stop,but merely hours later, I was back at it. I was so sick that the short term gain over my withdrawals overcame the fact that I was killing myself.

It is hellish. But the good news is, you can stop it.

diffingo911

Hey, donya - You are FAR from being an Idiot - You're allowed to not be so Hard on Yourself - Addiction is VERY Powerful. That's why We need Help...

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.