red247

I'm not sure this is the right place to be posting this message, but let's see what happens.
My sister is a long time alcoholic/drug user (over 20 years) and a week ago after several back to back incidents, agreed to go into rehab. She has 3 children that my mother is taking care of while she is gone.
3 days of detox, 3 days of rehab and she has left the facility. We told her that if she left, no one would respond to her phone calls, or help her return home. The rehab facility is in another state. She left anyway and has been calling all of us non stop since she left. She has been sitting in an airport for 2days now. No food, no money, and although the facility is 20 minutes away, she refuses to go back. The family is starting to waiver a bit. Not answering her hysterical calls or putting money in her account for food seems so harsh, but the life she has been living (and dragging her children through) is also very harsh. Not sure what to do next. We keep hoping that she will go back to the facility when she truly realizes that we are not going to help her. This is the first time the family as a whole has not enabled her in some way. We made it very clear what the consequences would be. But it is excruciating to watch.

Raider

Ouch. I don't know what else you can o. Stay strong. Thus must be incredibly difficult. Prayers your way.

Admiral

It might seem really harsh to say this, but what she's doing seems like manipulation to me. She has a place to go, and she won't go there, I think maybe she knows that she can get you guys to falter if she keeps it up long enough.

It must be very difficult to be in such situation, I can't imagine what it's like, but I hope you know that you can't change a person, and that none of this is your fault, regardless of what action you do or don't take. She has to face some hard truths, and it sounds like she doesn't want to, that is her choice.

jdooner

Setting boundaries is important. If you break the boundaries you invite manipulation no matter how difficult they may seem. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

red247

Thank you guys. This is what we need to hear. We haven't abandoned her. She has a very viable safe option and she is choosing not to take it. Just have to keep reminding ourselves of this. xoxoxo

seahorse661

I really feel for you having to go through this.
I'd advise to stick with your ultimatum. She thinks you will weaken eventually. A big part of the "tough love" approach is that the family detach somewhat so that your lives can have some stability, not constantly in chaos because of the addicts actions.

SeaScape

I'm SO sorry you are going through this.
It's my opinion that you are doing the best thing you can in a very terrible situation. That is only my opinion.
Addictions hide the true person that you love...man takes a drink and then the drink takes the man.

Saliena

I am so sorry that you are going through this. As someone who was the abuser let me tell you we will go to any lengths to get it. I am sure she has found a way to get food while she is at the airport. Take heart! She will return when she knows yall won't give in. Or she will hit a lower bottom that requires her to pick herself up.

Saliena

Mountainmanbob

there comes a point in time
when one can do no more so as to help the alcoholic addict
it's between them and God now

seems best to let her lay in the bed she has made for herself

MM

readerbaby71

You'll find a lot of insight and support on the friends and family boards here.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Stay strong. xoxo

least

You are doing the right thing by not enabling her. Let her stew in her own juices, so to speak, for a while. Maybe she'll decide to go back to rehab. Maybe she'll hit her bottom and have to go back. It's on her now.

red247

All of this has been so helpful. We needed these reminders. My sister has chosen to go back to rehab and the family stayed strong. Hopefully she will stay and get the help she needs. Thanks to everyone!

least

I'm glad she decided to go back and I'm glad that you narrowed her options to one.

readerbaby71

I'm really glad to hear that, red. I hope she gets better. Wishing you and your family healing and strength.

Vandermast

its a touchy one this one.....

I just know that from my own experience that the props needed to be kicked out from under me so that i could face my addictions and the truth around them and get help at rehab.

my thoughts are with you

v