My First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
My First Post
This is my first post on SR. I've been "lurking" here for sometime now. Reading so many helpful, inspirational and honest posts. Thank you all. I finally registered here this morning. It took me a long time to get up the courage. I finally realized, it was the courage to admit to someone (besides myself) that I am an alcoholic. Wow, I actually said that. Out loud! I admitted it to myself a year or so ago, but would never have admitted it to anyone else, which I guess is denial. I quit drinking 2 10 14 , and was able to get through the first few weeks by reading posts on SR. SO grateful.
I am feeling pretty good. Occasional headaches and fatigue, the norm. Amazingly, the depression and anxiety that I have battled for years has eased immensely. Whenever I researched depression, the articles noted that alcohol could make depression worse. Of course I knew that didn't apply to me, I used alcohol to relax , de stress. I convinced myself that alcohol helped me. It was my medicine. It is sad and a little funny how deceitful and ridiculous my reasoning was. Why would I lie to myself? Like there are 2 people living in my head. The honest real me and the lying, cheating, angry alcoholic. I'm starting to tune out the latter and be honest with myself.
Thank you again! I live in a very small rural town. I would be mortified at this point to seek support locally, as nothing stays private for long around here. Gossip and rumor abound. I know this is one more example of being deceitful. But I am not ready to face community scrutiny just yet. I still feel very vulnerable. Have had to make several excuses to skip recent community social events. Most social events in our local culture include and sometimes revolve around alcohol. Or, maybe that is just the point of view from an alcoholic. Hmmmm, I'll have to rethink that. And perhaps I'm the only one who thinks my drinking problem is a secret....
I believe my eyes are beginning to open. Very slowly...
I am feeling pretty good. Occasional headaches and fatigue, the norm. Amazingly, the depression and anxiety that I have battled for years has eased immensely. Whenever I researched depression, the articles noted that alcohol could make depression worse. Of course I knew that didn't apply to me, I used alcohol to relax , de stress. I convinced myself that alcohol helped me. It was my medicine. It is sad and a little funny how deceitful and ridiculous my reasoning was. Why would I lie to myself? Like there are 2 people living in my head. The honest real me and the lying, cheating, angry alcoholic. I'm starting to tune out the latter and be honest with myself.
Thank you again! I live in a very small rural town. I would be mortified at this point to seek support locally, as nothing stays private for long around here. Gossip and rumor abound. I know this is one more example of being deceitful. But I am not ready to face community scrutiny just yet. I still feel very vulnerable. Have had to make several excuses to skip recent community social events. Most social events in our local culture include and sometimes revolve around alcohol. Or, maybe that is just the point of view from an alcoholic. Hmmmm, I'll have to rethink that. And perhaps I'm the only one who thinks my drinking problem is a secret....
I believe my eyes are beginning to open. Very slowly...
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,870
Welcome to SR winker! You'll find a lot of help and support here.... I also come from a small rural town, so I know what you are going through. Never be ashamed to admit that you are an alcoholic, be proud that you can admit it and did something about it. You'd be surprised at finding out how many there are like you living in the same small town.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
Welcome!
Denial is a huge part of the disease of alcoholism. I also think my recovery is a very personal journey and I don't share it with people in my life, except on SR. The main thing is to do what works for you. If you feel you will get support from friends/families then it could be helpful to tell them, but if you feel vulnerable, then not saying anything is probably the right thing to do. I think early recovery is a time to be selfish in the sense of doing exactly what you need to do to make your recovery work.
Denial is a huge part of the disease of alcoholism. I also think my recovery is a very personal journey and I don't share it with people in my life, except on SR. The main thing is to do what works for you. If you feel you will get support from friends/families then it could be helpful to tell them, but if you feel vulnerable, then not saying anything is probably the right thing to do. I think early recovery is a time to be selfish in the sense of doing exactly what you need to do to make your recovery work.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 465
Welcome, winker! Yes, it's up to you who and what you divulge. I've talked to my close friends about quitting drinking, but I haven't felt comfortable enough discussing it with my family, so I haven't. And socially, you may find that people don't even realize you're not drinking, that they're quite concerned with what's going on in their own world. If they do ask, you are under no obligation to tell them any more than "I don't feel like it right now…"…It seems like you're insightful, keep looking at stuff through the honesty filter (hard sometimes, but so rewarding!) and take it a little at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 623
Hi winker, welcome to the forum, glad you have joined. Its a source of much love and support from a friendly bunch 
who are all going through, or have gone through difficult journeys to reach sobriety and are focused on maintaining it. Be strong! You can do it!!! Im only 9 days sober but already feel a lot better, wouldnt have been able to do it without this site, and thats the truth!
who are all going through, or have gone through difficult journeys to reach sobriety and are focused on maintaining it. Be strong! You can do it!!! Im only 9 days sober but already feel a lot better, wouldnt have been able to do it without this site, and thats the truth! 
I'm glad you joined us. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Hi Winker,
You made me think of this old Cherokee proverb
There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
Which one wins? The one that you feed.
Addiction is the evil, the longer you starve it the weaker it'll get.
You made me think of this old Cherokee proverb
There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
Which one wins? The one that you feed.
Addiction is the evil, the longer you starve it the weaker it'll get.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by Hawk07 
Hi Winker,
You made me think of this old Cherokee proverb
There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
Which one wins? The one that you feed.
Addiction is the evil, the longer you starve it the weaker it'll get.
You made me think of this old Cherokee proverb
There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
Which one wins? The one that you feed.
Addiction is the evil, the longer you starve it the weaker it'll get.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Welcome Winker - isn't it just amazing when your eyes start to "open"?
My anxiety also disappeared when I stopped drinking. What I thought was impossible soon became possible and I just stayed with it.
Well done
My anxiety also disappeared when I stopped drinking. What I thought was impossible soon became possible and I just stayed with it.
Well done
So glad you've joined us and congratulations on your sobriety so far 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 244
Welcome. I wouldn't confuse denial, disclosure, honesty and anonymity. I am just over 2 months and I live in a small town too.
The way I see it is people who saw me active saw me as an alcoholic. I couldn't hide it. There can be no denial here that will ' fool' others.
Now that I'm sober I don't broadcast it but I'm playing a long game and people will find out person by person month by month and year by year. That's my honesty and disclosure. There will be no big announcement.
My anonymity is important to protect my dignity. I barely understand alcoholism. Normal people certainly don' t. I don't need to staple the word alcoholic to my name forever with people who don't know me.
The way I see it is people who saw me active saw me as an alcoholic. I couldn't hide it. There can be no denial here that will ' fool' others.
Now that I'm sober I don't broadcast it but I'm playing a long game and people will find out person by person month by month and year by year. That's my honesty and disclosure. There will be no big announcement.
My anonymity is important to protect my dignity. I barely understand alcoholism. Normal people certainly don' t. I don't need to staple the word alcoholic to my name forever with people who don't know me.
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