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Old 03-16-2014, 07:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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day 1


Day 1, would have been day 8 if i didn't decide i might be able to moderate last night. :-( 2 beers became 10 i think, a nasty hangover and me yelling at my gf over something ridiculous last night. I don't even understand why.

My sober week last week was awesome, first week with no booze for longer than two days in four years. A bit of waking up at 4 am last week, but nothing unmanagable. I've been drinking every day for about 8 years, and ive worked my way up to 30-40 a week, more on vacations. To some thats not a lot, but i cant handle it. Blackouts, many close calls to dwi/dui but never caught, stupid arguments, more hang overs than i want to think about, a few fist fights with a close friend of mine, weight gain, a divorce and just generally wasting the little time i have on this earth with my children and girlfriend.

I'm done with this crap. No more drinking. My brain understands zero, now i just need to convince it i cant control this thing with moderation. That has failed me for the past four years since i last quit. My ex and i were separated at the time, and I fell back into drinking back then when i realized my marriage was heading for divorce no matter what i did. My drinking was a problem but there were a lot of other issues in the marriage i couldnt fix. I kept myself together enough to divorce amicably, and take care of the kids and set myself up in a separate household. To everyone else, i was the model dad and handled things extremely well.. The truth is, i was in a deep depression at the time. This time around i'm very happy with my life and want to quit drinking for myself but also my family.

Anyways, ive been lurking here for the past week and just wanted to say hey. Reading everyonnes posts here has been a great for support even. though this is my first post. So many people in my life are drinkers that my seeking support has failed each time i looked for it. Thank you. :-)
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Old 03-16-2014, 08:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome.

We're all on various stages of day 1. The good news is that sobriety will work, if you work "it."
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Old 03-16-2014, 08:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
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Old 03-16-2014, 08:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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If you want support you can to the right place.

Don't beat yourself up for falling off the wagon. you can join myself and many others here who have done the same thing.

Shake if off and try to redirect your thoughts on not drinking today. Don't think about tomorrow. Just today.

BTW, welcome!!!
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome nmd xxxxx
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi there!!!
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Old 03-17-2014, 07:55 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all! I'm admittedly a bit down this morning because of how yesterday ended, but I didn't drink and I didn't feel the need to, so I made it through the day. :-) I'll take that for now.
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Old 06-06-2016, 06:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Resurrecting my first post and day 1 on sober recovery.

All of my reasons for getting sober are still valid. Moderating still doesn't work.

I've had countless day 1s since. Skulked away and stopped posting at times when drinking. Having been in both positions, I think the only thing more frustrating than watching someone relapse or disappear is to live it.

I'm on day 2, and I am never drinking again. I don't know how yet, but I'll start by not drinking, i will keep posting and not disappearing.
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Old 06-06-2016, 06:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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It's great to see you back nmd!
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Old 06-06-2016, 06:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Chin up mate, I think as soon as anyone has to stop and think about drinking in my moderation there's already a problem that needs addressing, some of us know this but still ignore it ,believeing were in control, we are not!

1 day at time my friend, there's some good advice on this page, post as much as you want, aslong as you stay sober , were all here to achieve the same goal!
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Old 06-06-2016, 07:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Sounds like you have many good reasons to quit and stay quit.

Goodluck
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Old 06-06-2016, 09:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Nmd- glad you are still here. I should be on day 9 myself, but I messed up last night and now it's day 1 again for the 6th time in 3 months. Go forward, not backward, right? Im not qualified to give you advice, obviously, but you aren't alone.
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Old 06-06-2016, 10:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Happy you're back, nmd!
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Old 06-06-2016, 10:59 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Good to see you
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Old 06-06-2016, 12:38 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Glad you came back. Try not to drift away no matter what. Make this website part of your daily reading/routine. People will support you regardless. No need to leave if you slip. In fact, all the more reason to be here.
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Old 06-06-2016, 01:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by nmd View Post
I'm done with this crap. No more drinking. My brain understands zero, now i just need to convince it i cant control this thing with moderation. That has failed me for the past four years since i last quit.

Welcome back NMD. Glad to hear you are ready to give sobriety a serious shot. Regarding your statement above, your brain already knows you cannot moderate, you don't need to convince it of that. The problem is that our addiction talks louder than our logical brain sometimes. For me the real key was acceptance - accepting that there IS a part of my brain ( the addiction part ) that for whatever reason tries to override my logical thoughts. I also had to accept that I'll always have that part of my brain and there's no way to "undo" or "fix" it - but I can override it. Accepting that there is no possible way that I can ever pick up even one drink EVER is the start.

Just about every sobriety method starts with a similar line of thinking, have you given any serious thought to following a formal recovery method or plan?
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Old 06-06-2016, 06:55 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

Welcome back NMD. Glad to hear you are ready to give sobriety a serious shot. Regarding your statement above, your brain already knows you cannot moderate, you don't need to convince it of that. The problem is that our addiction talks louder than our logical brain sometimes. For me the real key was acceptance - accepting that there IS a part of my brain ( the addiction part ) that for whatever reason tries to override my logical thoughts. I also had to accept that I'll always have that part of my brain and there's no way to "undo" or "fix" it - but I can override it. Accepting that there is no possible way that I can ever pick up even one drink EVER is the start.

Just about every sobriety method starts with a similar line of thinking, have you given any serious thought to following a formal recovery method or plan?
I like avrt a lot, though I clearly need more of something to get a foot hold in sobriety. What I like and what I need aren't necessarily the same; I know i need to do things that make me uncomfortable. Reach out to people, also possibly counseling or meetings. I need some thing to anchor me and help me stay the course, part of the reason I posted on the main forum. Also not procrastinate in doing something so as to give my AV an opportunity to sneak back in. Right now, baby steps. Talk to my girlfriend and polish up on avrt. Look into a meeting or counseling.
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Old 06-06-2016, 08:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome back. Posting everyday really helps me a lot.
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Old 06-06-2016, 09:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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You can do it .... It is tough. You need to be tough.

But it is so Worth it...
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Old 06-06-2016, 10:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Day 1, would have been day 8 if i didn't decide i might be able to moderate last night. :-( 2 beers became 10 i think, a nasty hangover and me yelling at my gf over something ridiculous last night. I don't even understand why.

My sober week last week was awesome, first week with no booze for longer than two days in four years. A bit of waking up at 4 am last week, but nothing unmanagable. I've been drinking every day for about 8 years, and ive worked my way up to 30-40 a week, more on vacations. To some thats not a lot, but i cant handle it. Blackouts, many close calls to dwi/dui but never caught, stupid arguments, more hang overs than i want to think about, a few fist fights with a close friend of mine, weight gain, a divorce and just generally wasting the little time i have on this earth with my children and girlfriend.

I'm done with this crap. No more drinking. My brain understands zero, now i just need to convince it i cant control this thing with moderation. That has failed me for the past four years since i last quit. My ex and i were separated at the time, and I fell back into drinking back then when i realized my marriage was heading for divorce no matter what i did. My drinking was a problem but there were a lot of other issues in the marriage i couldnt fix. I kept myself together enough to divorce amicably, and take care of the kids and set myself up in a separate household. To everyone else, i was the model dad and handled things extremely well.. The truth is, i was in a deep depression at the time. This time around i'm very happy with my life and want to quit drinking for myself but also my family.

Anyways, ive been lurking here for the past week and just wanted to say hey. Reading everyonnes posts here has been a great for support even. though this is my first post. So many people in my life are drinkers that my seeking support has failed each time i looked for it. Thank you. :-)
I can so relate. I just posted an intro. I have also dealt with and continue to deal with depression. I'm in therapy but I don't feel like my therapists take my drinking serious enough. I have an appointment tomorrow so I plan to bring it up again.

The worst part of stopping for me is the withdrawals. I get sweaty and anxious and I can't sleep. If i can get thru the first 3-4 days its usually ok but then I always slip. It's absolutely maddening. Why do we chose this?
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