The scary thing is.......!
whats on your mind? whats hurting you so deeply, everyone is here for you Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hey Liss. I think there must be a tiny part of you that cares really. You are posting here, you haven't let go of our hands and walked away completely.
I hope you will feel ready to stop and stay stopped really soon. Many of us have jumped in and out of that cycle of addiction, and the longer we continue that dance, the harder it is to quit and stay quit. 'There is always tomorrow'..our AVs have a field day with that one. I remember doing the same with my drinking for years. I wasted a lot of time, and I mean A LOT. I won't ever get that back.
This has to come from you Liss..that initial pouring away the drink..we can't do it for you. Just know we are here when you do xx
I hope you will feel ready to stop and stay stopped really soon. Many of us have jumped in and out of that cycle of addiction, and the longer we continue that dance, the harder it is to quit and stay quit. 'There is always tomorrow'..our AVs have a field day with that one. I remember doing the same with my drinking for years. I wasted a lot of time, and I mean A LOT. I won't ever get that back.
This has to come from you Liss..that initial pouring away the drink..we can't do it for you. Just know we are here when you do xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Pick yourself up liss, please don't give up. In many of my drinking 'binges' i've hit that point too where I figure whats the point I'm already so far gone and such a failure. But I've gotten myself up and out of that hell more than once with help. You need to reach out for help even if it's the last thing you feel like doing...your doing that right now just by posting here and thats the first step 
We're all here to listen and offer support through a struggle many of us are all too familiar with.
We're all here to listen and offer support through a struggle many of us are all too familiar with.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
I've been saying this a lot tonight...I fell off the wagon last night big time. Alcohol is a depressant as you probably know. It will magnify all negative feelings big time so you're literally dealing with the monster versions of those feelings. I could barely peel myself off the floor and about all I could do is post on here and call a couple friends.. I was in a pit of despair so deep because I was so disgusted with myself for drinking again that I thought I wouldn't be able to get out ever..slowly but surely I'm feeling better.. not great but at least not like pond scum anymore..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Ho Liss... I'm so sorry you are in a dark place.
I'm on day 3. Believe me please that in so little time, that feeling of hopeless, sadness, total despair have practically disappeared and have been replaced with hope, pride and a true conviction that I can live happy.
But make not mistake, you need a plan and must stick to hit. It takes work, but not nearly as much as coordinating not running out of booze, dragging myself to work with the hangover, thinking constantly on how to get out of the mess, sitting alone crying myself to oblivion.
Read my post "change of plans". The plan is working and I'm living proof.
For me personally anger was the emotion that got me to strike back at the bottle. When you look at your bottles, hate them. Hell I even talked to them near the end with explicit language.
Sorry this is long, but I've been following your story and really care about you. Wish I could give you a loving slap on the butt to help you wake from this imaginary nightmare the bottle creates.
With love and compassion Thepatman
I'm on day 3. Believe me please that in so little time, that feeling of hopeless, sadness, total despair have practically disappeared and have been replaced with hope, pride and a true conviction that I can live happy.
But make not mistake, you need a plan and must stick to hit. It takes work, but not nearly as much as coordinating not running out of booze, dragging myself to work with the hangover, thinking constantly on how to get out of the mess, sitting alone crying myself to oblivion.
Read my post "change of plans". The plan is working and I'm living proof.
For me personally anger was the emotion that got me to strike back at the bottle. When you look at your bottles, hate them. Hell I even talked to them near the end with explicit language.
Sorry this is long, but I've been following your story and really care about you. Wish I could give you a loving slap on the butt to help you wake from this imaginary nightmare the bottle creates.
With love and compassion Thepatman
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Oh dear. That god awful alcohol induced apathy. 
It's like you care so very much you can't stop the pain so you just numb out.
This can be a really good thing.
This can be a major turning point. A moment where you fling yourself on the ground, throw your hands up in the air and scream out "Jesus take the wheel !!!"
My profound apathy was my bottom.
Because I was desperate beyond measure and I had to surrender. I literally was incapable of controlling anything in my life, at the least , my emotions.
It was my before and after moment. I hope it will be the same for you Liss.
It's like you care so very much you can't stop the pain so you just numb out.
This can be a really good thing.
This can be a major turning point. A moment where you fling yourself on the ground, throw your hands up in the air and scream out "Jesus take the wheel !!!"
My profound apathy was my bottom.
Because I was desperate beyond measure and I had to surrender. I literally was incapable of controlling anything in my life, at the least , my emotions.
It was my before and after moment. I hope it will be the same for you Liss.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Hope you are doing better today. That realization was a turning point for me. This is really happening...I am really going to throw my life away drinking. It doesn't have to be that way.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by liss74 
I just don't care now third day of drinking
Caring hurts, and the pain that comes with it allows us to act. Indifference is no decision at all. As alphaomega suggested, my indifference was the step that immediately preceded my putting down the drink, but it was a long time in the making. So much unnecessary suffering.
Attempting to summon up something to look forward to while in despair is like drowning in the Atlantic Ocean while someone throws a life preserver in the Pacific. In the end, who cares? I can't swim to shore until I see it, and I'm content to sink deeper into the abyss with my eyes closed.
Beware of helping hands; they may allow you to risk caring again.
RaleighSoxFan
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 105
You will be numb for a bit most likely. Dopamine levels are low often when addicts stop using. Many sense no pleasure because their brains temporarily are not producing dopamine, for pleasure. It's only temporary. You have to resist urges to use. It is completely normal. We all go thru it. I'm 37 days sober and I still have moments where I don't care or feel numb. Most of the day is good for me now though. It's tough early on, but u can do it. Your symptoms are not unique.
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