Anna

You said in your post that you are confused as to how to proceed.

I suspect it's more that you know what you need to do, but you don't want to do it.

It sounds to me like you are facing consequences. You had a DUI. A criminal record can affect so many areas of your life. Your husband is threatening to leave you, but you're not sure you want to commit to a sober life. One thing I know for sure is that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop drinking. I hope that you decide to live a sober life.

winker

Hi LL,
I'm new here, to. I have only one rule for myself today. Don't drink. Just today. That has really helped me each morning, silly but so far it is working today. I hope you can find some help. If I can do this, you can,too. I have learned, that you must be brutally honest with yourself and really want to be sober. I'm struggling everyday with it, but the benefits are amazing! I know exactly what you mean about feeling uptight without chemicals. I also refuse-for now-to be part of AA , etc. I think it is OK to be selfish when getting sober. Who can handle anyone else's feelings or guilt? I can only deal with my head right now. Good luck.

adee

You asked what to do. Maybe set a short term goal: completely quit drinking and weed for 30 days, and then assess. For me, it's sometimes easier to set a goal that feels achievable. Maybe it's not 30 days, maybe it's 10 days.

It's pretty circular for a lot of us: we aren't ready to quit until after we quit. When you are in that place where it is all unraveling, and drinking has been the coping mechanism for so long, there isn't much faith that it will "work" to quit drinking. But you run out of other options and that becomes the only one, so you do it without faith, and build faith as you go further in sobriety and see the changes that happen in your life.

And like everyone said - you are in good company here. Over achievers make excellent alcoholics - if we are going to try to be perfect in every other sphere, dammit, we can be perfect alcoholics too. Said tongue-in-cheek, but it's also true - for me anyway.

Welcome.

GetSmart

Hi ll, I only have a few post s but have lurked here for years now, esp. On my morning afters, aka the latest day one. It wont happen untilx you want it, but I really suggest following some threads here to see just how common the traits are. Im far from the stereotype myself and share much of your background. What I have is that inability to stop after one. Sure, more often than not, I would only have a few and seem in control, but it was only happy circumstances--that dinner was over, no one was headed out to party after, etc, that my drinking would stop on a given night. And lets not talk about when it didn t stop. So my advice is to read through threads and feel the empathy with those in your shoes so you can start to accept reality, and reach the point where it is no longer "mourning" your inabilty to drink normally (I'm still trying to get through this), and embrace sober living as a positive thing, not a personal failure. It does only get worse, as everyone said. If you have not yet, read the thread on excerpts from the book "under the influence" in the alcoholism sub- forum It spoke to me immediately, even though I was unable to put that to use for an extended period (like more than 2 weeks)
Oops I cannot post that link until my post count goes up, but look in the top of that alcoholism area mentioned. Its a sticky

And when you are feeling weak, come to sr and post or at least read others struggles and triumphs. Godspeed

DiggingIn

LL- you can live as a sober woman. It may not come easily but you can do it. I didn't look at your profile so don't know where you live. Here in Indiana we have a program called the Judges and Lawyers Assistance Program. It's through our state Supreme Court. They help judges and lawyers with all kinds of issues, but addictions is a big one they do a lot with.

pinkgate

LL, sounds to me like you're saying you've had everything to set you up for success but despite that you're not reaching that success. And to boot, your drinking escalated really quickly and that's not the only thing impeding your sobriety. I get the impression you're in a situation in which you could probably get private counseling and I'd really recommend that, in addition to whichever plan or approach you think would work for you to attain sobriety and recovery. Read around here, there are lots of resources.
Just my two cents, but you don't have to live the life you were set up to live. You can choose a different path other than what everyone might expect of a Type A Brown grad with a similarly high achieving future husband. Heading further down the path of addition is indeed choosing a path, but it's not your only choice.
There are other options besides the ones you're choosing for alleviating stress and anxiety. There are even behavioral approaches like CBT and you could even experiment with yoga, mindfulness, and exercise, once you are ready to give up the current temporary crutches.

not2late

Feeling you can't deal with life sober is a symptom of your addiction. You don't need it..your addivction needs you..otherwise it can't survive. Don't let it win.

Hawkeye13

I think you may be hitting something here--though we haven't heard from the OP since the first post, if you are still out there and reading,
I work in a field where many people who were in "high powered" careers choose to come
and retrain to have a job which provides more contact with people, chances
to travel and learn about other cultures, and a more relaxed lifestyle.

It doesn't carry the cash or status of law, but I'm really surprised how unhappy so many people are but have continued because of family pressure
of expectations they have put on themselves.

Maybe what is under your addiction is such dissatisfaction? It could be part of the issue, and the problem seems to have come on in college.

Please feel free to post again LL--we understand because many of us have been there.