zerothehero

I've worked 14 years at the same job, and I feel like I've been loyal to people who mostly don't deserve my loyalty. On the other hand, they're just doing the best they know how. Like me.

Gibbons2

I worked there 19 years.

Gibbons2

Well, then sorry my friends, I do EXPECT after all that time, something back. If it makes me a "bad" person, then so be it. I believe in morality and a little justice in this world and that is too much to ask, then why be here at all?

zerothehero

I have trust issues, clearly rooted in past abuse, parents' divorce, other betrayals. I trust as much as I feel safe trusting. Lots of people are just not trustworthy. I don't know if you need to earn anyone's trust. Everybody has their parameters, and modes of operating. There are a few people in the world I would let borrow my car. Most of the time, if I let someone borrow a book or a tool, I won't let them borrow it unless I don't care if I never see it again. Sad but true.

zerothehero

I'm sensing a need to sleep this one off and re-evaluate tomorrow or the next day.

Aarryckha

Isn't important that you appreciate and acknowledge your efforts?

Doesn't the saying go "what other people think of you is none of your business"?

Revel in your successes. Don't worry about what others think.

tomsteve

welp, you could take this issue to the company.
but heres something to think about first.:
theres a lot of people in line waiting for your job and would be greatful to have it.
yer complaining about poeple being all mememe, yet here you are doin it.
do you want to keep living in the self pity?


are you drinking tonight?

neferkamichael

Gibbons2, I hope you find all that you want in this life. Please maintain all those high standards that you have and never give in to what you despise. If you are patient you'll probably find that someone special. Rootin for ya.

Dee74

Gibbons,

For a long time I couldn't find great people in my life either - that changed when I got sober, and I remembered I was once great too.

I settled for scraps for a long time, partly because I didn't believe I was worth more than scraps, and partly because I thought if I walk away from my scraps I may end up with nothing.

and all the while I resented people - the people who treated me badly, or the people who seemed to have happiness, or at least more than me - and I resented myself for settling so low.

I needed to remember I was great.
The first step in doing that, for me, was to stop drinking.

D

deeker

With all due respect as I am also an alcoholic. Has it occurred to you that other people may have had expectations of you when they met you and then realized you were an alcoholic.

I finally took responsibilty for my drinking and stopped worrying about what other people were doing. Funny how when I got sober all my relationships improved.

I finally became the person they could count on and I realized I had it all backwards. They were always there, I wasn't, I was to drunk to be emotionally available for anyone.

tomsteve

heres a lil blast fromt he past of yours,gibbons:
Well, my best advice to staying sober is don't get away from AA or forums like this. That is when you get weak. You see, I thought I had it "all wrapped up." I THOUGHT I was "cured" and so I quit going to AA, practicing the steps, doing the reading. But your addiction is always with you. You don't have to be actively drinking to still have the same old feelings as before and they show up when you least expect it.

I got away from God and AA and it is no surprise that trying to "do it on my own" led me back to drinking. It is good advice for the future. There is no such thing as it being "solved." Stay involved. It's the best advice I have for myself and others.

how bout getting back to God and AA?

zerothehero

I left SR, picked up a book, stumbled upon this poem by Mary Oliver, and thought of Gibbons and this thread:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you about mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Gibbons2

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you about mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Best quote I read zero, however, if you do not stand on moral highground, then who are you as a person?

Gibbons2

welp, you could take this issue to the company.
but heres something to think about first.:
theres a lot of people in line waiting for your job and would be greatful to have it.
yer complaining about poeple being all mememe, yet here you are doin it.
do you want to keep living in the self pity?

I don't know what to say. After working for a company for 19 years AND not having a raise in the last 8, (because of a wage freeze), you bet your ass I need to think about myself. As does EVERYONE here. But where I am ME, and I am accountable to them, I have hell of a hard time seeing.

Gibbons2

"Love is Patient"

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Author: The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4

Gibbons2

And that, my friends, is how I SEE the world.

tornrealization

How are you doing tonight Gibbons?

Gibbons2

You know, it doesn't really matter. Drunk or sober, I still see it the same. Yes, I am drinking, the only difference being when sober, I don't talk about it. But this IS how I see the world. I WANT people to be honest, live up to their word, same as I have. I may very well be a drunk, but I have never put anyone in harms way because of it. What I do hate, is that everything I do to get their love, is never, and I do mean not ever, enough.

DonnieB

Gibbons, sometimes you just need a heart-felt hug. No words, no explanations- just a caring hug...subtly telling you somehow, the fog will lift, and you will find happiness again. I give no advice...but I do give you a big old hug. Find peace in your heart. It is in there...somewhere. We all struggle in our own ways- but we don't all get meaningful hugs. You just got one!

Gibbons2

And who cares? I mean, really, who does care? No one. people are selfish. We all need to take care of ourselves. I just need to learn it better. Be more like them, I guess. This isn't what I saw. When I was a child, I thought like a child, as I got older, I still think like a child. I didn't know the world would be so mean and selfish. I thought everyone was honest, treated people fair, cared about each other. I guess not.