Hawk07

So here I am again..

I joined this site back in January, quit, fell off the wagon, and then quit successfully again. I was doing so well until last night, fell off the wagon big time.

My boyfriend I lived with for 2 years and almost lost due to my drinking back in January upped and left me a week ago for a 19yr old hostess he works with at a restaurant. It happened suddenly and totally pulled the rug out from under my feet. Just a month ago he bought us a new bed and couch. Just two weeks ago he was talking about where we should buy our first house together..

Now I'm here with no couch, no bed and no boyfriend.. Clinging on to my sobriety like its my only link to sanity.

WakeUpBomb

Oh Hawk!, I can't imagine the overwhelming emotions and hurt you are feeling. You are worthy so be good to yourself and cling on. You've got people here who care!

Kris47

So sorry to hear this Hawk.

You need your sobriety now more than ever!

Can you call your sponsor, a good friend or family?

You will get through this. Don't count yourself short.

Don't pick up that first drink.

We're all here for you.

Hawk07

Thank you

I was staying with family for the last week and last night was my first night back since the whole ordeal... Picking up that first drink was the worst thing I could have done to numb the pain..

Alcohol is a depressant as you fellow alcoholics are well aware of so I'm feeling a hundred times worse today than I was yesterday. I'm waiting here for a friend to drop off an old futon I can use as a couch and bed until I can afford to replace the others...

Talk about the financial repercussions of breaking up with someone you lived with; I'm facing double rent and double expenses in everything now.. Just renewed the lease for a year less than a month ago...It's always been under my name.

Gahhhh...So many things are gone I can hear that 'empty' echo when I walk across the house..

least

Hang on to your sobriety for dear life. It will get you thru the tough times without adding to the pain.

Kris47

Can you get to a meeting?

Dee74

I'm sorry Hawk - break ups are rough.
There's a lot of support here tho - lean on us.

I recommend the Class of March support thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html

or there's a lot of wisdom in our under one year thread too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-29-a-5.html

Have you thought of real life support as well Hawk?

D

Hawk07

To be honest Kris, I'm so hungover and depressed I literally don't thinks its physically possible... I'll aim for tomorrow... I have a girlfriend who's coming over to stay with me this evening..

Hawk07

Hi Dee,
I started with this forum, moved on to AA and then settled on an addiction specialist which whom was/is helping me tremendously.. I was diagnosed with depression and panic disorder - both major contributors to my drinking suddenly spiraling out of control..

Kris47

We're here for you!

Hawk07

So i'm going to vent here until my girlfriend gets here...Thank you everyone and thank god for this site..
While I was staying with family he was staying here with his 2 dogs getting his affairs in order, moving out ect... I think the thing that sent me over the edge last night was realizing on my return that his 2 dogs peed in just about every room...on every rug...
I walked in and was immediately hit with the smell of urine..He obviously didn't bother to clean any of it up..

To make matters worse the cheap bastard took all the paper towels, hand soap and left me with one roll of toilet paper...

Relationships end, i know. But I have never been treated with such utter disregard and disrespect through out a break up..

All my attempts at civil communication in regards to the dividing of our things were ignored... I suggested he leave me a bit of money for rent considering he stayed here on his own for a week...ignored. In a very civil e mail I informed him that his dogs urinated all over almost everything could he please pay to have that cleaned..ignored

Hawk07

Awww... my friends are angels!! They just came by with a futon for a couch AND a mattress and box spring..they're on their way back with more goodies..lamps, curtains, pillows, blankets even paper towels and soap! Tomorrow we're all going to tackle cleaning up the pee mess prince charming and his dogs left..

These are the moments that make life awesome..

Gakx

Those are the best of friends! Take this positive, the demonstration of love and caring, and don't forget it.

I have been in your shoes, where suddenly I had to afford all of the bills or lose everything. Guess what, still here, paying those bills. It was stressful at first but you can make it work. Plus, I realized that mine was an expensive relationship for me and I am actually able to save money now even though I pay all of the bills. Sad revelation.

Straightshoot

I think you are very fortunate to have such good and caring friends. Hopefully their kindness lifted your depression a bit. It's really sad that a person you lived with all that time would treat you that way, as you seem to have a heart of gold. I hope this is only the beginning of a better life for you, taking care of you.

Hawk07

Thank you all,

It's truly crushing when your best friend, person you laid down next to every night and woke up to every morning, the one you couldn't wait to share happy news with or went straight to for comfort suddenly discards you like a useless pair of sneakers...

Oh well...all I can do now and my main priority is to hold on to sobriety.. One day at a time...

Hawk07

Well my friend who's staying the night is fast asleep and I'm wide awake... I know in the future this not being able to sleep could be a dangerous trigger to drink.. I cant stop thinking about him with his new girlfriend..the fact that less than a month ago he was here telling me how much he loved me and then poof! I'm alone and he practically treated me like a leper through out this whole ordeal..

darkfaith

Big hugs, I know where you are coming from. I unfortunately am worse for wear today after drinking all night and this morning. My husband has hooked up with someone else this weekend during our trial separation. Still doesn't think he did anything wrong and won't admit it to me.

So back to day 1 tomorrow

Hawk07

ohhh I'm so sorry darkfaith. (((hugs)))
I felt so sick and hungover all day and coupled with the sudden loss of a relationship I treasured made it almost impossible to even move... About all I could do was post on here and thankfully it has helped.. Lets both focus on our sobriety. Tonight and then tomorrow one minute at a time.. How long were you sober? I'm here if you ever want to message me

darkfaith

Thanks on and off a few weeks. But now really need to get my drinking to stop, just me and my two boys now.

I haven't slept yet , feeling quite numb. And think I may still be half pissed :/ but no drinking tonight. And then one day at a time

Hawk07

I'm rickashaying between feeling totally numb and crying fits. Yes, no more alcohol most important. I'd still be a mess today but far more 'stable' if it weren't for that epic binge last night. I think we could both use a good nights sleep if possible..so hard though I know