2muchpain

Also complexiti, I have gotten some feedback on some of my post that really ticked me off to the point of my considering just screw it and quit SR, much like I did with AA. All I know is that every time I walked away from the support I was given, I went back to drinking, so I really hope you stay with SR and keep posting.

Dee74

I know you're in a wheelchair. I remember because I'm disabled too. Those are not the limitations I was talking about and I think you know that.

You may feel differently, and I need to say this, but to me my disability was not a suitable excuse for my drinking and it's not a suitable excuse for me not doing something in my recovery.

I didn't leave my home to get sober. I did change a lot of things tho.

Complexiti, every so often I have this stubborn streak that leads me to go back and try and help someone even tho we didn't connect in the past.

Can't blame a bloke for trying again right?

If I can ever help you know where my PM box is

Sometimes I think it's more important to tell the truth than it is to pat folks on the back.

SR saved my life. It didn't do that by agreeing with me - sometimes it really annoyed the heck out of me.

But rubbing people up the wrong way is not really my style. Somethings I do feel strongly about though, and I'm sorry if I upset either you or Complexiti.

peace out
D

Complexiti

You didn't upset me Dee - and I'm not going to stop my efforts at giving up drinking - if anything you have made me even more determined to do so!

ScottFromWI

That's the most important thing. You will find a formula/solution/plan that works for you as long as you do keep earnestly trying. We are all different in many ways, but there is a solution for each and every one of us.

For what it's worth, I am not in AA ( although I do read the big book ) and I'm not a very religions person ( but not an atheist ) and I do understand your concerns about people expressing a need to accept ( insert something here ) about their program. I am also a very skeptical person in all areas of my life, not just in the sense of my sobriety. But I DO feel very strongly that the only way for me to finally turn the corner and get sober was to accept that I cannot drink, ever.

I simply look at the facts - I drank more than I wanted/needed/planned to and did it more often than I wanted/needed/planned to. No moderation plan worked, no cutting back, no tapering - EVERY single time I always returned to drinking more than I planned on. Whether it's a higher power, a genetic flaw, an allergy or a microchip the government implanted in my head - I cannot drink responsibly, and there is NO LOGICAL REASON FOR IT. Therefore, I had to accept on faith to myself ( since there is no factual explanation ) that drinking simply is not an option for me, ever. After I did that things got a LOT easier.

Stoogy

Hi Dee,

No problem at all, l really appreciate people having their own views and neither path is incorrect as long as we can remain sober.

Thanks again Dee.

Complexiti

Still here. Still not drinking. Still not going to go away!

OK, let's face it. I've tried the rest and come back to SR because I think it's the best. Well, for me it is.

Stoogy

Well done... Glad you are here.

Coldfusion

Go for it!

Why not join the monthly thread for when you got sober? And how about signing in to the 24-Hour Club?

There's always interesting discussions going on here. For example, this was just posted: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-works-me.html

If you ever need reasons to stay sober, just have a glance at the Friends and Family sections.

And lastly, the longest-running thread here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4629546

Complexiti

I'm not sure why but I think I need to stay posting here for the moment, possibly I am a bit worried about reading other peoples' stories although I know that sounds a bit stupid, and no doubt very selfish of me.

The thing is that I really need to concentrate on myself and not get involved, albeit by reading, with other people at the moment.

Stoogy

That is not selfish at all, sometimes we have to help ourselves before we are in a position to help others.

Fishescircle

Hi Complexiti, I feel your pain, I was there so many times, it will be a bit better tomorrow, I too couldn't eat, the thought of food or even looking at food made me sick. I do my shopping in a store that doesn't sell alcohol now, because it's too tempting to pass those bottles. I am 4 days sober and felt really bad the 1st day...but i feel much better today and have actually eaten today. Still very anxious but am trying to keep my mind occupied. I know it's extremely hard, but don't give up, I am thinking of you, and send you only positive thoughts and good wishes. Please let me know how you feel tomorrow. You have a lot of support here. Keep strong.

Complexiti

Hang in there Fish - that's what I'm doing. I've wasted too much time, too much money, too many days feeling bleugh, and I don't want to go there again.

I don't want to wake up with the feeling that my tongue needs shaving, or having to shove a strong mint or three into my mouth before I speak to anyone. I don't want the "never again" withdrawal that happened over and over again.

In other words I don't want any of that crap any more.

Complexiti

A Friday without buying a bottle means a weekend without drinking, and I didn't buy a bottle yesterday!

There seems to be an illogical logic about that as of course I could always buy more today or tomorrow, but my brain tells me that if I don't buy a bottle on a Friday then I don't drink over the weekend.

So I won't buy any today or tomorrow and I'm not going to think any further than that.

Complexiti

Still here, still sober!

Complexiti

I am a useless failure. Was doing great, no cravings, nothing.

WAS being the operative word.

Needinghelp82

From what I've read on here it's perfectly normal to have a relapse - my doctor told me the same thing today. I'm back on day one after big lapse, it happens. You're not useless or a failure, it's an illness.

Can you think if there was anything that triggered your drinking?

Stoogy

Hey Complexiti, how are you? If you need to pm me you know thats cool buddy.

Complexiti

Oh I know why - I had very distressing news about a death, plus I was let down very badly by someone who did not keep their word - but those were not reasons, they were just excuses for my weakness to rear its ugly head again and say go on, sod everything, get yourself some booze and to hell with them.

And I know I am going to regret it and go through that sh1t withdrawal again and say why why why did I do it.

But I guess the only thing to do is get over it now, pick myself up from feeling like something you would not want to tread in, and start the sober thing again.

I am totally disgusted with myself now.

But at least I am honest with you all.

ScottFromWI

You are still here and trying, that doesn't sound like failure to me. It sounds like you need to do some more work on your sobriety plan and/or method of dealing with life/stress situations.

Just as a suggestion, one thing you could have done was to jump on SR and post about your feelings before grabbing the bottle. Or if you have any sort of local support, you could call or head to a meeting. You already know that drinking actually makes it all worse, so you have to find a way to stop before you pick up the first. Learn from this and make changes so it doesn't happen again - that's the best you can do.

Complexiti

The bad news was something that, to be honest, I was expecting, and in a way it was a relief. But then just as I was coming to grips with it I was let down so badly and promised action had just been discarded, that I think I was punishing myself rather than let fly at the person who let me down - and that could have caused major problems.

And yes I should have come straight on to SR and talked it out instead of buying a bottle of vodka - which I am still drinking and when it has gone and I start feeling bad oh how I know I will regret it.

But that is what has happened, is happening, and I am just going to have to start again.

So sorry I have let everyone down.