people tell me I'm not an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by slowburn60 
I really don't know what to do about my social life. It just plain sucks. I've been avoiding people mostly due to anxiety and the fact that ALL my friends drink or smoke to some degree. It's just the normal thing for people my age (20's) living in a city to do - that is go out or go to parties and drink
Everyone's like "we went out and got so wasted last night!" Or "lets go to happy hour before work".
It's a mad world we live in guys. Just remember that we wake up sober and happy and they wake up tired and cranky
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have found normal drinkers do not take questionnaires or really give serious thought to whether they have a problem or not.
be honest with yourself and I think you'll find the answer
be honest with yourself and I think you'll find the answer
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Everyone I know who drinks (and who I've talked with about not drinking) thinks I was a normal drinker and can't relate to my desire to be sober now.
But I was no longer happy with my lack of skill regarding moderation, and how I felt physically, psychologically, and spiritually after binging. I felt stuck and wanted a healthier lifestyle. That was enough for me.
I didn't need to hit a low bottom to convince myself I wanted to change.
But I was no longer happy with my lack of skill regarding moderation, and how I felt physically, psychologically, and spiritually after binging. I felt stuck and wanted a healthier lifestyle. That was enough for me.
I didn't need to hit a low bottom to convince myself I wanted to change.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Welcome Gracette,
Not everyone falls in the same category and if it helps someone to do use a label, great. If it doesn't, don't.
I can only share about me. But if it helps someone. Great. I didn't really hit a rock bottom. I was one of those who didn't really developed a strong physical addiction. Years and years of drinking that in all reality wasn't getting less but getting more but I found myself living a sad up and down existence. Always letting myself down. Spending a lot of time wishing I didn't drink but always ending up doing it again. Over and over. Not everyday but plenty of days.
It still sucked. None of us were living the way we wanted to drinking regardless of what we called ourselves.
What I have found is at least for me, it's one or the other. I either drink and get mediocre or worse or don't drink and work on having the best life I can. Can't have it both ways. Took me awhile to accept it but I did.
Now I look back and wonder what the heck I saw in it. Stupid mind altering life wasting liquid. The farther I get away from it...as in drinking it...the more useless it looks to me.
Just me. I know it can be different for others. But that's what's great about SR. One big helpful world of being able to share with people who understand.
Welcome! I hope you find what you need to live your best life.
Not everyone falls in the same category and if it helps someone to do use a label, great. If it doesn't, don't.
I can only share about me. But if it helps someone. Great. I didn't really hit a rock bottom. I was one of those who didn't really developed a strong physical addiction. Years and years of drinking that in all reality wasn't getting less but getting more but I found myself living a sad up and down existence. Always letting myself down. Spending a lot of time wishing I didn't drink but always ending up doing it again. Over and over. Not everyday but plenty of days.
It still sucked. None of us were living the way we wanted to drinking regardless of what we called ourselves.
What I have found is at least for me, it's one or the other. I either drink and get mediocre or worse or don't drink and work on having the best life I can. Can't have it both ways. Took me awhile to accept it but I did.
Now I look back and wonder what the heck I saw in it. Stupid mind altering life wasting liquid. The farther I get away from it...as in drinking it...the more useless it looks to me.
Just me. I know it can be different for others. But that's what's great about SR. One big helpful world of being able to share with people who understand.
Welcome! I hope you find what you need to live your best life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by 360shoes
I can only share about me. But if it helps someone. Great. I didn't really hit a rock bottom. I was one of those who didn't really developed a strong physical addiction. Years and years of drinking that in all reality wasn't getting less but getting more but I found myself living a sad up and down existence. Always letting myself down. Spending a lot of time wishing I didn't drink but always ending up doing it again. Over and over. Not everyday but plenty of days.
It still sucked. None of us were living the way we wanted to drinking regardless of what we called ourselves.
What I have found is at least for me, it's one or the other. I either drink and get mediocre or worse or don't drink and work on having the best life I can. Can't have it both ways. Took me awhile to accept it but I did.
It still sucked. None of us were living the way we wanted to drinking regardless of what we called ourselves.
What I have found is at least for me, it's one or the other. I either drink and get mediocre or worse or don't drink and work on having the best life I can. Can't have it both ways. Took me awhile to accept it but I did.
All the welcoming and support is really overwhelming, you guys are amazing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Jade1224
Gracette... you sound sooo much like me.
People tell me I'm not an alcoholic either. I have good days where I can moderate but then I have bad days too.
I also have issues with food.
People tell me I'm not an alcoholic either. I have good days where I can moderate but then I have bad days too.
I also have issues with food.
Sorry if this is off-topic but have you ever checked out Geneen Roth? Her writing/workshops were really helpful for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Hey slowburn, glad you decided to post!
Re: social life, I definitely anticipate that being one of the hardest parts of staying sober. Is there anyone you know who drinks/parties less than others? They might be good to ask for help, maybe tell them what you're doing and see if they can join you sometimes. I don't really have any answers but I feel your pain.
On the flip side, I guess that since I'm in my 30s now and feel like I've been doing this for so long, there's also a part of me looking forward to nights with my friends that I can actually remember afterward. If there are people who push me too much to drink with them (which I suspect there will be), then maybe they're not people I really need to worry about keeping as friends.
Re: social life, I definitely anticipate that being one of the hardest parts of staying sober. Is there anyone you know who drinks/parties less than others? They might be good to ask for help, maybe tell them what you're doing and see if they can join you sometimes. I don't really have any answers but I feel your pain.
On the flip side, I guess that since I'm in my 30s now and feel like I've been doing this for so long, there's also a part of me looking forward to nights with my friends that I can actually remember afterward. If there are people who push me too much to drink with them (which I suspect there will be), then maybe they're not people I really need to worry about keeping as friends.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Gracette,
I also think you are in the best position to stop drinking now before it takes over too much. It may be hard to accept this at your current stage, but please do believe the stories many people tell here, who have been further down on the road of addiction. It can get very nasty and the longer one waits the more difficult to beat it. I wish someone told me my drinking was not healthy 10 years ago when it was mainly social binge drinking... but they did not because like in your story, most of my friends drunk and considered that the normal way of being. Of course most of them never lost control later and are still normal drinkers. But I agree with everyone that when a person starts to question their drinking habits or feels badly about them, that's a sign something is getting out of control...
Btw, I have also struggled with both eating disorders and drinking. I've found the obsessions quite similar and often one would start to dominate more when we try to control the other. The good news is that many of the recovery tools that can target one of these problems can also be effective on the other since they are biologically similar mechanisms.
I also think you are in the best position to stop drinking now before it takes over too much. It may be hard to accept this at your current stage, but please do believe the stories many people tell here, who have been further down on the road of addiction. It can get very nasty and the longer one waits the more difficult to beat it. I wish someone told me my drinking was not healthy 10 years ago when it was mainly social binge drinking... but they did not because like in your story, most of my friends drunk and considered that the normal way of being. Of course most of them never lost control later and are still normal drinkers. But I agree with everyone that when a person starts to question their drinking habits or feels badly about them, that's a sign something is getting out of control...
Btw, I have also struggled with both eating disorders and drinking. I've found the obsessions quite similar and often one would start to dominate more when we try to control the other. The good news is that many of the recovery tools that can target one of these problems can also be effective on the other since they are biologically similar mechanisms.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 3
gracette and jade,
I think the key here might be to find some new hobbies that don't revolve around drinkers ( I mean I will still like to enjoy music venues and comedy shows ). We need to look at something that will interest us and where we can meet new people that won't pressure us to drink.
I'm looking at taking up dancing and swimming. If I can justify it by not drinking as well as spending less money on those activities than booze, I think it will be worth it.
I think the key here might be to find some new hobbies that don't revolve around drinkers ( I mean I will still like to enjoy music venues and comedy shows ). We need to look at something that will interest us and where we can meet new people that won't pressure us to drink.
I'm looking at taking up dancing and swimming. If I can justify it by not drinking as well as spending less money on those activities than booze, I think it will be worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Yep, agree with that 100%, slowburn. I've been to one music show since giving it up, and have another tonight, both at places that serve alcohol but I find it much easier to stay away when there's something else to focus on. I think social gatherings where the whole point is to drink together will be much more difficult, so I'm staying away from those for a while.
I think getting into group physical activities is a great idea too. I've always liked yoga and used to be on a swim team in high school, but I haven't gotten serious enough about either as an adult (probably in part because of, you know, the drinking) to really meet new people through it. I hadn't even thought of using those as a good way to meet new people with hobbies other than drinking, but that's even more motivation to start up again.
I think getting into group physical activities is a great idea too. I've always liked yoga and used to be on a swim team in high school, but I haven't gotten serious enough about either as an adult (probably in part because of, you know, the drinking) to really meet new people through it. I hadn't even thought of using those as a good way to meet new people with hobbies other than drinking, but that's even more motivation to start up again.
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