callmemilly

I can’t do it, can’t seem to do it. I went three weeks without drinking, it was really hard. Then I drank a bunch in one night, like 7 or 8 drinks. Since then, I can’t make it past a weekend without a couple of drinks. Just a matter of time until I binge again.

Today I was really trying. I read here for an hour, I wrote. I signed up for the 24 hr club which helped me a lot in the past. And still I gave in. I feel pretty bad because I know people take that seriously, and I do too, but I couldn’t stick to the commitment. Feels disrespectful to other people struggling so I’m sorry.

My other coping mechanisms (exercise, restrictive diets) falling apart lately so it’s tough. I’m unhappy, anxious, - I’m like that without alcohol, so it’s hard to deal, hard to think of a reason to stay sober. I don’t have a lot positive in my life to hang on to.

Quitting drinking is hard. I don’t feel happier without it. But I know it’s hurting me. Or part of me knows.

Anyway if any good came out of this, I dumped out all the booze I had, which was a bottle of rum, which a week ago I said I could keep in the house and not drink. Obviously not. Lesson learned.

I just wanted to be honest here.

least

Get back up, dust yourself off, and start again tomorrow.

Dee74

Welcome back Milly

SR is great but it's not enough for a lot of our members. Have you thought about face to face support? recovery groups? counselling?

I think also we need to have realistic expectations.

Change won't happen in 3 weeks. It's entirely normal not to feel that much different than when you were drinking at 20-21 days.

If you keep going, you will get to notice changes...but you have to stay sober to get there, Milly.

D

Anna

Give yourself a chance to feel happier with not drinking. Take a little more time and patience with the process. You can get through this!

Hevyn

I'm glad you wanted to talk about it. It does take a while to get used to our new way of life - it's normal to be frustrated in the beginning. I'm happy you haven't given up.

Aarryckha

Glad you're back, Milly.

Quitting is hard but you've shown yourself you CAN do it. It took a lot of strength to dump the rum out. That's a great first step. You can make it. Concentrate on hour by hour if need be. I don't have a lot positive in my life right now but sobriety is something I'm doing for me. If I make myself better, I can make other things better.

Hang in there. We're here for you.

tootsl1

Callmemilly, you did great going 3 weeks so you know that it can be done. I struggled with quitting time and again, certainly being in the right frame of mind matters. I had to be in a place where getting sober was more important than continuing living the way I was. Keep reading, I was still drinking when I came back last time, but reading helped me find the strength to stop.

BadCompany

Quitting drinking is not a pass/fail endeavor. It is a journey.

SoberLeigh

Just pick yourself up and start again; before you know it, you will break through your old time record.

Taking5

Have you tried AA?

Looking4Help123

3 weeks is no small effort Milly! Keep at it and you'll break that record. As Dee says maybe you need a bit more than just the forum. All the best

Chilledice

3 weeks is FANTASTIC give yourself some credit, get BACK on the sober train and try again

KateL

Just try again. You can do it xxxxxx

lovesymphony

A few people have mentioned journaling about their alcoholism being a big help. I think this is one good idea to help remember how bad things felt after drinking, and what leads up to it, etc. We are all a bit different. Reviewing your journal could open your eyes to your own patterns a bit more.

Congratulations on three weeks!

myheartaches

I agree with lovesymphony, I think you should write down, or vent about all the things about alcohol that are hurting you.

I did that. See my threads about alcohol. I like you only quit 3 weeks ago.

Stay confident in yourself. You aren't unhappy and anxious because you need more alcohol, just like we don't feel physical pain because we need more narcotics.

We need less alcohol and less narcotics to feel good, not the other way around.

Please don't give up on yourself.

Nonsensical

We were all like that without alcohol at first. It is one of the mechanisms of addiction. It took me about 3 months to get past it.

You had a plan.

The plan was insufficient.

Adjust the plan.

Work the new plan.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

StraightAhead

You can do it Milly! You made it three weeks, so there's no reason you can't build on that and make it three months or even three years. Think about all the great things you are hoping for in your future!

adee

Nobody is going to argue with you about how hard it is - it IS hard. It can be genuinely painful to simply exist through the early days of sobriety. That is why support is so critical. If you aren't using SR support as much as you can - use it more. If SR support isn't enough, go get more - AA or another group or counseling.

It is hard. But it is doable. And if you keep your commitment to yourself each day, after a while it gets less hard. And then it gets better. You have to give yourself a chance to get through the worst to start to feel better.

You can do this, Milly.

matt4x4

3 weeks, good.

I had the same pattern. Can stay sober for a month or 2, maybe 3 sometimes 4 or 5 or 6. Seemed to always relapse. I wondered why that was. I didnt bother to change anything else in my life, other then just not drink. That is a start. I had to do more in order to stay sober for a consederable length of time over and above my usual pattern.

I am tempted to do an analogy. Just cant think of one right now. Alcohol is but a symtom. So if one has cancer, and they get a rash due to the cancer. You go to the doctor and all he does is take care of the rash, with some cream. You put the cream on and the rash goes away.

Thats the same as putting the alcohol away.

What about the cancer inside the body, its still there.
All the doc dealt with is a by product of the cancer, and not the cancer itself.

The same happens with booze. The bottle is put a symtom of a much bigger problem, which lays in your head. The way you think. If that doesnt change then start making funeral arrangements my friend cuz alcohol kills people everyday of the week and it doesnt care if you are rich or poor, american or ethopian, doesnt care what color you are.

Wish you the best my friend.

LivinTheDream

3 weeks is a great! At the minimum, take great pride in going that long...obviously you are doing some really good things with your plan. You mention that you are anxious even without alcohol. Anxiety is obviously a byproduct of drinking, but if you truly have engrained issues with it, alcohol will just exacerbate the issue. I might suggest visiting your doc and having a conversation about how you feel.

I have had anxiety my entire life and taught myself to treat it with alcohol. It took me many years to make that appointment with my doc to discuss and wish I would have done it sooner. After being prescribed meds, I felt much better. Although I still thought I could drink, which I don't recommend on anxiety meds!, I quickly realized I had to stop drinking and let the meds work.

I wish you the best of luck. I believe if you tweak your plan, perhaps add more coping mechanisms, and visit your doc, you will find it a lot easier to overcome your addiction.