codep

I am sure that on this site, this thread is a common one. I am struggling. I start to get upset and cry because I miss him, yet I know that he is in the best place possible for him. I have read other places that say while he is in there I need to work on myself. I am not sure what that means exactly. I think I am mainly struggling with the fact that he is gone. I also believe that I was codependent while he was using. This is a struggle as well because I was practically enabling him. I get upset when he doesn't call, and I feel like I am being selfish. I just want to know if I am having normal emotions for someone going through this situation.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, codep. The feelings you are having are quite normal. However, what people mean by working on yourself is that you need to take this time to decide what you are and are not willing to have in your life...what you truly want.

Rehab is not a magic pill that makes everything all better. The really hard part comes when he comes back from rehab. He will have to use what he learns there to live the rest of his life. It isn't easy. If you intend to stay in the relationship, you need some support for yourself. Alanon is a great support group for friends and families of alcoholics. Nar-anon is another great group for friends and families of substance abusers.

Getting help for yourself means learning how to deal with addiction and how to set boundaries for yourself. I think you would benefit a great deal by checking them out.

We also have a great Friends and Family forum here. Here are the links...

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You will find a lot of support here. Welcome, again!

matt4x4

Welcome. I do not know much. Hope you dont take this the wrong way. Sounds like you have codependacy issues. Alanon does help. The people around the addict/drunk are just as sick. People go away, for whatever reason. Work, rehab, vacation, whatever. Crying about it because he went away to get help at rehab sounds alarming. Ah man, get upset when he doesnt call. Yaaa co-dependant and enabling. You got it. Those are not normal emotions. Those are emotions of a codependant and enabler person. Very unhealthy. All I know is there is Alanon. The 12 steps is not only meant for alcoholics. There are well over 300 other 12 step program that copy the AA 12 steps. Alanon helps the family and friends of the alcoholic. I have never been to an Alanon meeting, nor do I listen to Alanon speakers at conventions when I go. Time to work on yourslef, get healed and healthy for yourself first not anyone else.

CodeJob

Hi codep,

Just to reassure you rehab likely controls time and availability of phones. My H's rehab collected all cell phones and there were just 2 landline phones in a hallway with a long line of guys whenever there was a pause in programming or free time.

Come over to the friends and family board!

least

Do take a look at those links Suki gave you. There's a lot of wisdom there. I too suggest support for yourself. Living with an active addict is very hard. Please get support for yourself to help with understanding what you're both going thru while he's at rehab.

Anna

Welcome, and you've gotten lots of good advice.