Made a hard phone call AND facing a party
 

just spoke to a therapist, so so so so hard. Made appointment. Now I have a birthday party tonight that I have to attend and there will be drinks everywhere. Got a sitter for only a couple of hours, no open ended night for me. My traps tonight

Hubby away on business, who will know?

Haven't seen therapist yet, live it up!

How to explain to MY family why I of all people aren't drinking.

Why not?

All of which I don't want to do. Sitting on my bed with a healthy does of anxiety busting through my anxiety meds. I am committed to not drinking tonight. Sigh....don't want to cry....

EJ,

You have to be ready for when they start have a drink! Why not???
You can say: I got stomach upset... I got headache... I am on antibiotics...
I am driving...
So you are ready...
Have a soft drink all the time in your hand!
If you are about to fall for it... GET OUT!

And you can actually have a good time sober,
is like a test that you can actually smile and laugh without a drink,
you have to unlearn to be drunk and learn to have fun without it!

You are getting anxiety bc you are auto-suggestioning over thinking:
there will be drinks... all will be drinking but me... they will ask me...
what I am going to say... I want to but I can not... etc. etc. etc....
you are repeating it over and over in your head.
I know it cos I do it!
so you suffer before you even get there!

If you are not ready make an excuse and do not go!
when you are feeling stronger you can go to another event!

What ever you choose you will do the right thing!
and Smile what ever you do :)

The list of things we absolutely have to do is much smaller than we think.

Birthday parties weren't on my "have to" list in early recovery.

Staying sober was.

Is it another case of the party of the century that absolutely cannot be missed or else my life (job, marriage.. ) is over and the sky will fall down? and what will my friends/relative/mailman say if I don't get drunk and make a fool of myself but drink soda instead? They pop up at least once a week
Here is a similar thread so you can read what people have to say
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4488226

You don't HAVE to go to the party!!

Which is more important? your sobriety or this party??

Why do you have to go? Is it a close friend or relative? If not, I wouldn't go. Claim a migraine and stay home.

Well, join the club! We all have been in your shoes. Those first parties are tough: the feeling that we had to attend and couldn't say no. The awful nervousness about drinks being served, wondering what we were going to say when people asked us what we wanted to drink.
You are walking down a very well worn path.

If you absolutely feel you have to go:there are plenty of tools you can use: tried and true one's are having a quick answer why you aren't drinking and in early sobriety I had absolutely no qualms about telling a white lie: on medication, took pain killers, stomach off, etc, etc.
As I grew more comfortable in sobriety, I just said: No, thank you. And was shocked when the answer was "okay". !!!!
We have something we call the exit plan. Arrive, fulfill your social duties, say hello, but if you feel even the tiniest bit uncomfortable: leave at once. Always have your own ride and be ready to say the polite goodbyes.
We are a big fellowship of recovered alcoholics: we have all experienced what you are experiencing. You can do it! Just remember your tools.....

Carlotta, thanks for pointing out this thread. There were some pointed words within yet they were necessary to hear.

I agree with Carl.

My 'must-do' list was minimal in early recovery and there were no parties involved. I never would have made it. And, I don't like the idea of making excuses as to why you're not drinking. I certainly don't recommend telling everyone, but for me, I had to stop lying. I just had to. So, I simply started saying 'No, thanks' to parties, drinking, etc. No excuses, no apologies. I had to scrape up my self-esteem and those things were necessary for me to do that.

The OP on that thread stopped posting shortly after her original post. So either she is cured, just doesn't feel like posting anymore, or went to the party against everyone's advice.

I agree that you should probably stay home. Your brain is saying you are not ready for this. Stay home with SR and a good cry.

Success!!! Already home! Had to attend due to family being only guests and since the dinner was sit down, I ordered a diet coke, two people asked me if I would like a drink, I said no and other than one expected comment, no one noticed!!!! Food was fantastic, I had some good laughs and am laying in bed at 8.53 knowing there will be NO hangover today! My anxiety level was ramped up, but it's done. It meant a lot to my brother an parents bc another sibling couldn't attend. It took three diet cokes, a cappuccino and a chocolate torte to do it!

The only thing I have to do is stay sober. Everything else is choice either good or bad

Well to be quite honest. People who notice that you arent drinking and mention it are most likely alcoholics. Also the ones that push drinks your way are most likely alcoholics. See the normal, social drinker does not care if you drink or not. The could care less. But you play the tape, you play the game, you think this or that, that you must drink. You dont have to do anything. You can go to that party late and leave early. Drink your coke, cut the cake, eat the cake, and say sorry guys I have to work early, or I got something to do at home. Then go wash the dishes. Nothing in life is permanent, except perhaps the damage caused by alcohol abuse.