krb44

I feel like my husband and I are at a standstill. We're both recently begun individual and marital therapy. We've been married 15 years; he has 5 years of sobriety from prescription drugs and alcohol - no children. It's important to note that I was diagnosed with clinical depression early in our marriage, which required therapy and medication. My depression has been in remission since approximately 2008, though I still take medication and utilize therapy PRN.

We're like roommates now - no sex, no intimacy (both of which he has issues). Work (major workaholic physician), recovery, and spending time with our dogs dominate his time, not to mention he's always tired, so essentially, I get what's leftover. Money is a central theme in disagreements, despite his extremely healthy salary, but it's (money) never enough. Additionally, my husband feels that if I were working (PT or FT) it would be more of a partnership, which I plan to do; however, I need to retake my board exam as I didn't pass (missed my 2 pts). A little history is needed - I graduated with my MSW in April 2013 after having been out of school for 20 years.

As our marital therapist put it, it's like we've both dug in our heels, refusing to compromise. Each of us have many resentments, not to mention anger towards the other. I feel so lost!!! I'm seriously wondering if my marriage can be saved

KateL

I hope it works out for you xxxx

least

I'm glad you're in therapy for these issues. Sounds indeed like a compromise is needed to restore harmony and balance in your relationship. I hope you find peace in your life, both for yourself and for your marriage.


Welcome to the family!

krb44

Thanks so much for your kind words!

krb44

Very good to remember! It's so easy to be judgmental of our past. Thanks for your thoughtfulness!

Anna

Welcome,

There is often resentment and anger in long-term relationships. I know in my case, it was ignoring those feelings that pushed me towards beginning to drink. Of course that was not a solution as the negative feelings are still there. It does sound like you both need to try to get the feelings out and find a common ground where you will both be comfortable. Hopefully the therapy you're getting will help.

krb44

Anna, thanks for sharing your experience and advice. Yes, drinking and "using," as well as working 4 nights per week as a hospitalist, was his way of escaping my depression, not to mention that we were dealing with infertility.

I know I'm not the only one out there, but I feel so overwhelmed as to which foot to put first, so to speak. Don't we need to reconcile the past anger and resentments, yet move forward with our "new" relationship? During our marital therapy sessions, we address past grievances, but we don't make any headway - at least it feels that way.

Raider

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Blessings.