Advice for noobs on picking out a sponsor
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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^ yes definitely,
actually the current AA sponsor that I have, suffers from some sort of depression or PTSD. He is real vague about it and from what I gathered, he has done much less therapy than me, which is another reason why I am having doubts about him.
On the flip side, someone without depression might be good also.
Because most depression suffers just don't have the energy to support others.
I have been to depression support groups (that are not lead by therapists) and I find those meetings rather depressing. So far, I have a better experience with AA meetings because they feel more positive and uplifting.
actually the current AA sponsor that I have, suffers from some sort of depression or PTSD. He is real vague about it and from what I gathered, he has done much less therapy than me, which is another reason why I am having doubts about him.
On the flip side, someone without depression might be good also.
Because most depression suffers just don't have the energy to support others.
I have been to depression support groups (that are not lead by therapists) and I find those meetings rather depressing. So far, I have a better experience with AA meetings because they feel more positive and uplifting.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
AAnoob,
IMO, you couldn't be more wrong about getting support on a forum like this one. If you take the time to read the posts from the members, you do get to know them very well. People share a lot of personal stuff on SR.
IMO, you couldn't be more wrong about getting support on a forum like this one. If you take the time to read the posts from the members, you do get to know them very well. People share a lot of personal stuff on SR.
To me, having a real live person to talk to, either face-to-face or on the phone offers so much more than reading digital text from a person with a screen name and avatar.
People are social animals. We can get only so much out of forums and social media. Real life and real connections happens when we interact in the real physical world.
Also, I have checked out depression forums in the past, they don't do much for me either...
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Advice
Well the message the person speaks in the rooms should be focused primarly on the solution to the problem. And not much spoken on stories of drinking career, or stories on work or family. Someone who you see some simalarities with. And to be quite honest it does not have to be male on male, or female on female. Dont know where that came into the picture of AA. Someone who when you call them at any hour, they are there for you no matter what. Someone who knows the Big Book and has worked all 12 steps and is recovered.
Well the message the person speaks in the rooms should be focused primarly on the solution to the problem. And not much spoken on stories of drinking career, or stories on work or family. Someone who you see some simalarities with. And to be quite honest it does not have to be male on male, or female on female. Dont know where that came into the picture of AA. Someone who when you call them at any hour, they are there for you no matter what. Someone who knows the Big Book and has worked all 12 steps and is recovered.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
AAnoob
The support I get from SR comes from knowing there are people out there that are like me and seem to care about what happens to me. I have gotten a lot of PM's from people asking how I'm doing, something that rarely happens in AA meetings. I have also talked to people on the phone that are members of SR. I also get support from people when I post a question or concern. These are real people giving real advice. Face to Face interactions are always the best, but isn't always available when you need it. Also, I have read many suggestions from people on this forum on how to deal with alcoholism that you would never hear at an AA meeting, because the people on this forum are coming from different places. For example, you will never hear anybody at an AA meeting talk about your AV. I never heard that term until I joined SR, and it has been a tremendous help for me. AA, as good as it is, only can give some people part of the solution, because of its narrow view on how to deal with alcoholism. Just my opinion.
The support I get from SR comes from knowing there are people out there that are like me and seem to care about what happens to me. I have gotten a lot of PM's from people asking how I'm doing, something that rarely happens in AA meetings. I have also talked to people on the phone that are members of SR. I also get support from people when I post a question or concern. These are real people giving real advice. Face to Face interactions are always the best, but isn't always available when you need it. Also, I have read many suggestions from people on this forum on how to deal with alcoholism that you would never hear at an AA meeting, because the people on this forum are coming from different places. For example, you will never hear anybody at an AA meeting talk about your AV. I never heard that term until I joined SR, and it has been a tremendous help for me. AA, as good as it is, only can give some people part of the solution, because of its narrow view on how to deal with alcoholism. Just my opinion.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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You can get good info on forums from reading other people stories. But is that "support" ?
To me, having a real live person to talk to, either face-to-face or on the phone offers so much more than reading digital text from a person with a screen name and avatar.
People are social animals. We can get only so much out of forums and social media. Real life and real connections happens when we interact in the real physical world.
To me, having a real live person to talk to, either face-to-face or on the phone offers so much more than reading digital text from a person with a screen name and avatar.
People are social animals. We can get only so much out of forums and social media. Real life and real connections happens when we interact in the real physical world.
I've been here seven years and I'm still amazed at the support that's on offer here, everyday.
SR definitely saved my life
D
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
I really don't think this link AA Sponsor - What Do They Do Exactly? is very good.
No intention to offend, but you are better off sticking with the AA approved literature about sponsorship if it's an AA sponsor you're looking for. Robby posted the link earlier and here it is again to save scrolling back http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Wish you well on your journey
No intention to offend, but you are better off sticking with the AA approved literature about sponsorship if it's an AA sponsor you're looking for. Robby posted the link earlier and here it is again to save scrolling back http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Wish you well on your journey
Last edited by Dee74; 03-14-2014 at 04:42 PM. Reason: AAWS guidelines
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I went through 3 sponsors in my first six months . I also had an NA sponsor but I picked right the first time. I was taught that the only person responsible for my recovery. If a sponsor wasn't working out, oh well. I suggest you read Questions and Answers on Sponsorship found on AA website at http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Last edited by Dee74; 03-14-2014 at 04:43 PM. Reason: AAWS Guidelines
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Dee, I am sure you have read that addicts will substitute one addiction for another. For you to read 1000+ posts a day on SR, and posting constantly sounds like an addiction to me.
And I feel that I can say this from personal experience, because I was doing that very same thing in the past year. As I mentioned before, I was not working due to my physical injury and spending a lot of time on forums was how I escaped from reality. (FYI, the forum I was on was not depression or addiction related). Looking back, it was just a lot of time wasted.
And I am sure most therapists out there are not strongly recommending using online forums as a way for support or as a way to avoid isolation.
And I feel that I can say this from personal experience, because I was doing that very same thing in the past year. As I mentioned before, I was not working due to my physical injury and spending a lot of time on forums was how I escaped from reality. (FYI, the forum I was on was not depression or addiction related). Looking back, it was just a lot of time wasted.
And I am sure most therapists out there are not strongly recommending using online forums as a way for support or as a way to avoid isolation.
Originally Posted by Dee74
Different strokes I guess.
I've been here seven years and I'm still amazed at the support that's on offer here, everyday.
SR definitely saved my life
D
I've been here seven years and I'm still amazed at the support that's on offer here, everyday.
SR definitely saved my life
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I am actually with you regarding the criticisms of AA.
But to me it really doesn't matter.
I can go to the meetings, be around real people, listen to their stories, and take whatever from the meeting that I find meaningful and discard things I don't care about.
To me, its like going to group therapy, and often times I would go to dinner with people after the meeting and just hang out socially. (I am also lucky that my area has tons of meetings, great for mixing things up)
and that is way better than spending time being isolated in my room, on my computer, reading a forum.
But to me it really doesn't matter.
I can go to the meetings, be around real people, listen to their stories, and take whatever from the meeting that I find meaningful and discard things I don't care about.
To me, its like going to group therapy, and often times I would go to dinner with people after the meeting and just hang out socially. (I am also lucky that my area has tons of meetings, great for mixing things up)
and that is way better than spending time being isolated in my room, on my computer, reading a forum.
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
AA, as good as it is, only can give some people part of the solution, because of its narrow view on how to deal with alcoholism. Just my opinion.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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If i was trolling, would I have said that I have done the same?
forum addiction is very real.
same goes with gaming addiction.
all things are best in moderation.
And for all you know, I might be older than you.
I might be that old fisherman showing you how to avoid the same mistake that I have made. ;-)
You have a good weekend too!
Maybe try an internet-free weekend to see how it goes.
forum addiction is very real.
same goes with gaming addiction.
all things are best in moderation.
And for all you know, I might be older than you.
I might be that old fisherman showing you how to avoid the same mistake that I have made. ;-)
You have a good weekend too!
Maybe try an internet-free weekend to see how it goes.
Originally Posted by Dee74
Cast on, young fisherman....the bait was good - but I'm too old and stringy.
have a good weekend
D
have a good weekend
D
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Noob, in all seriousness, this is my job.
We run SR on a volunteer basis.
I take that commitment seriously.
This thread isn't about me.
If you're finished with the original topic I'll close the thread.
D
We run SR on a volunteer basis.
I take that commitment seriously.
This thread isn't about me.
If you're finished with the original topic I'll close the thread.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
AAnoob
FYI, I wasn't criticizing AA. Every program has its limitations. I try to look for the positives in every program and try to take advantage of them. Anyone can find the negatives in a program. It's an easy way to justify not doing anything, something I know well. Also, you don't seem to be taking anyone's advice on this forum, just finding reasons not to do what is suggested. It's easy to justify drinking if that's what you're looking for. If you are not ready to stop drinking than you're just not ready. Your choice. Based on your posts, either that's the case or you already have a plan. If you do, I'd like to hear it. I'm always open to new ideas. The more tools I have, the better the chance that I will remain sober. So, AAnoob, what is your plan?
FYI, I wasn't criticizing AA. Every program has its limitations. I try to look for the positives in every program and try to take advantage of them. Anyone can find the negatives in a program. It's an easy way to justify not doing anything, something I know well. Also, you don't seem to be taking anyone's advice on this forum, just finding reasons not to do what is suggested. It's easy to justify drinking if that's what you're looking for. If you are not ready to stop drinking than you're just not ready. Your choice. Based on your posts, either that's the case or you already have a plan. If you do, I'd like to hear it. I'm always open to new ideas. The more tools I have, the better the chance that I will remain sober. So, AAnoob, what is your plan?
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The biggys for me are
- They have what I want
- Have a sponsor themselves
- Long term sobriety
- Have worked the steps at least once
- Are available (I have a great sponsor in theory but he is very busy)
- Someone who knows the big book and 12/12 well
- Someone who attends lots of meetings
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
AAnoob
I have no idea what you are talking about. I respect everyone's opinion on this forum, and what is so dogmatic about my statement? I was simply responding to your post, saying you agree with my criticizing AA when I wasn't. I was just clarifying what I meant, so what's the big deal? Many people on this post are not familiar with AA, and I don't want them to misunderstand what I meant. My response was for other people, not you, so try not to take things so personally. Also, if I'm wrong, which I am a lot; what advise from the people on this forum have you used? BTW, I really did want to hear what plan you have that would be helpful to both myself and others. Is that asking too much? I believe that is one of the reasons this forum exists. I'm assuming, since you never shared a plan, that you don't have one. That's fine. I didn't have a plan for long time. I was pretty much floundering until I found one. Lastly, how did I disrespect you opinions? Would really like to know.
I have no idea what you are talking about. I respect everyone's opinion on this forum, and what is so dogmatic about my statement? I was simply responding to your post, saying you agree with my criticizing AA when I wasn't. I was just clarifying what I meant, so what's the big deal? Many people on this post are not familiar with AA, and I don't want them to misunderstand what I meant. My response was for other people, not you, so try not to take things so personally. Also, if I'm wrong, which I am a lot; what advise from the people on this forum have you used? BTW, I really did want to hear what plan you have that would be helpful to both myself and others. Is that asking too much? I believe that is one of the reasons this forum exists. I'm assuming, since you never shared a plan, that you don't have one. That's fine. I didn't have a plan for long time. I was pretty much floundering until I found one. Lastly, how did I disrespect you opinions? Would really like to know.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by KateL
No one wanted to sponsor me so I left 
xxxx
xxxxwhy do u think they wont sponsor you?
i know that usually women have less sponsor choice (lack of #'s)
even if no one wanted to sponsor you, going to meetings is still good group therapy, IMO.
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