mathmajor

Just remember, when the hangover has gone, what that felt like and how you prevent those.

trixiedoyle

Well, I didn't make it, but I stopped myself mid-drink. I'll try again tomorrow. Late last night I started bargaining with myself in the back of my mind and new I was in trouble.

I'm trying to find the balance between holding myself accountable and forgiving myself. With every previous attempt I would slip and then just forget the whole thing, rather than feel like a failure, so I'm trying to look at it a different way (since the old way never worked out, might as well try something different).

I tried to do too much today, and then got overwhelmed... I think.

I'm not ready for a meeting yet. In 15+ years registering here is the boldest thing I'm done as far as reaching out.

deeker

Good for you, and your right the old ways never work and they will never work again.

My sponsor said to me when I relapsed 15 months ago, she said maybe it's time to do something different. And I did. I took her suggestions.

If I want to stay sober I need to watch and pay attention to others who are staying sober. I need to be open minded and willing. I need to be willing to do whatever it takes and if I am not willing, I am probably not ready.

Not sure what is holding you back from attending a meeting. But the hope you walk out of a meeting with will far outweigh the fear you walked in with.

trixiedoyle

Thanks for the link you sent me. I haven't ventured beyond the newcomers section here yet.

Today is going a lot better. So far so good. I have ADHD and was doing some reading last night about that in relation to drinking and found some information about GABA deficiencies and impulse control. I remembered my therapist recommending that about a year ago just for helping with anxiety and my general mood. (I was easily drinking like a "normie" at that time and years before until a few months ago. I still don't know what happened.) Of course, I bought the stuff, and it's just been sitting on the shelf ever since, so I'm taking that. It's supposed to help with cravings and impulse control.

I don't drink to get drunk or do that thing where once I start I keep going for the rest of the day like I did in my twenties, but when I start to get stressed out and overwhelmed I seem to reach for something to ingest to take the edge off instead of just resting and reprioritizing what I really need to do. I think that's where the daydrinking crept up on me. I make absurd to do lists. It seems like the urge starts to happen about the point in the day where I realize I'm falling behind on them. I'm just trying to figure out my triggers.

Yesterday I really doubled down to keep myself distracted with tasks. Today I'm working on doing the opposite. And not feel guilty about it. I swear my guiltaholism is my biggest problem.