i've been away. i've been isolating. i don't know how to go forward.
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
i've been away. i've been isolating. i don't know how to go forward.
I swear, i am treading water in a life that's trying to drown me. I've relocated recently and have made a couple of acquaintances but i'm afraid to make real friend.
I've lived a somewhat transient life. My only real friends are thousands of miles away. I have nothing tying me to where i am. I had just started making friends in Milwaukee and then a few months later, i had to leave. I dunno what to do.
Sometimes, i think i'd rather be alone and drunk rather than be sober and make friends. I think my husband has finally found a company he can be happy with for a long time but ****, i'm so burned out.
My lifestyle lets me live alone and drunk. As long as dinner is on the plate at night and we have a fun on the weekend, then it's fine. I wanna either be a Mom or have a career but my drinking prevents both of those. Hell, i can't even work a minimum wage job because i'll just end up drinking again. I don't even know what to DO! Well, i wanna be a Mom but i can't go much longer. I feel like no one wants me.
My husband doesn't even really want me. I think i'm his pet. I pee on the carpet and he smacks my nose and tells me where to pee next time. I am so amazingly pissed. I abhor making new friends. I am afraid my husband will be let go and i will have to go through the agonizing process of making friends again. I'm a leaf on the wind so i feel like i outta drift around and never make friends again.
I'm also a kept woman. I feel so guilty. I have been given a lot and i have squandered it. There are so many women who deserve so much more than i've been given. Money is not, and probably never will be, an issue for me. I worked my ass off at one point but now? I'm a leach. I cook, i clean and i drink.
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? Oh that he were here to write me down an ass! But masters remember now that i am an ass, though it not be written down, yet forget not that i am an ass.
I could use a hug but i'm kinda over letting anyone touch me.
I've lived a somewhat transient life. My only real friends are thousands of miles away. I have nothing tying me to where i am. I had just started making friends in Milwaukee and then a few months later, i had to leave. I dunno what to do.
Sometimes, i think i'd rather be alone and drunk rather than be sober and make friends. I think my husband has finally found a company he can be happy with for a long time but ****, i'm so burned out.
My lifestyle lets me live alone and drunk. As long as dinner is on the plate at night and we have a fun on the weekend, then it's fine. I wanna either be a Mom or have a career but my drinking prevents both of those. Hell, i can't even work a minimum wage job because i'll just end up drinking again. I don't even know what to DO! Well, i wanna be a Mom but i can't go much longer. I feel like no one wants me.
My husband doesn't even really want me. I think i'm his pet. I pee on the carpet and he smacks my nose and tells me where to pee next time. I am so amazingly pissed. I abhor making new friends. I am afraid my husband will be let go and i will have to go through the agonizing process of making friends again. I'm a leaf on the wind so i feel like i outta drift around and never make friends again.
I'm also a kept woman. I feel so guilty. I have been given a lot and i have squandered it. There are so many women who deserve so much more than i've been given. Money is not, and probably never will be, an issue for me. I worked my ass off at one point but now? I'm a leach. I cook, i clean and i drink.
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? Oh that he were here to write me down an ass! But masters remember now that i am an ass, though it not be written down, yet forget not that i am an ass.
I could use a hug but i'm kinda over letting anyone touch me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back DG - wondered how you were 
Re-opening communications here is a good start...but what about connecting into the local AA scene DG - that's always seemed to work pretty well for you?
D
Re-opening communications here is a good start...but what about connecting into the local AA scene DG - that's always seemed to work pretty well for you?
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi DG.
Welcome back. I'm sorry for your distress. I can't help but wonder about you and your husband's marriage arrangements, meaning that he seems to move from job to job and that you follow. That kind of disruption is easy, even preferable, for some, but very difficult and often painful for many.
You also wrote, "I am afraid my husband will be let go and i will have to go through the agonizing process of making friends again." What makes you concerned that he'll be let go? Is this part of his work history?
It sounds as though you've been traumatized by your lifestyle. I think one place you can start is by shopping for a therapist. You're alone and lonely, and you seem to feel worthless and unproductive. Talking to someone who cares can go a long way towards settling some of your fears and frustrations.
The quote from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing is not lost on me, though I'm unable to discern whether or not you inserted it to evoke irony or helplessness.
Welcome back. I'm sorry for your distress. I can't help but wonder about you and your husband's marriage arrangements, meaning that he seems to move from job to job and that you follow. That kind of disruption is easy, even preferable, for some, but very difficult and often painful for many.
You also wrote, "I am afraid my husband will be let go and i will have to go through the agonizing process of making friends again." What makes you concerned that he'll be let go? Is this part of his work history?
It sounds as though you've been traumatized by your lifestyle. I think one place you can start is by shopping for a therapist. You're alone and lonely, and you seem to feel worthless and unproductive. Talking to someone who cares can go a long way towards settling some of your fears and frustrations.
The quote from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing is not lost on me, though I'm unable to discern whether or not you inserted it to evoke irony or helplessness.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 226
I'm glad to see you back on here DG, but sorry to hear you've had a rough go of things lately. Please let us know more about your situation and we can all brainstorm. You do have a desire to get better, right? If yes, you're already on that path then. Shopping for a therapist as EndGame suggested and connecting with AA like Dee said are great places to start for face to face support. And you already wisely posted here
Take good care, look forward to seeing more of you around
Take good care, look forward to seeing more of you around
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 86
"Sometimes, i think i'd rather be alone and drunk rather than be sober and make friends. "
This is really sad and I can relate to feeling this way. It's easier to isolate than to make an effort to meet people and risk being vulnerable. I suggest you get connected with AA or a recovery support group. I wish you the best.
This is really sad and I can relate to feeling this way. It's easier to isolate than to make an effort to meet people and risk being vulnerable. I suggest you get connected with AA or a recovery support group. I wish you the best.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Welcome back disgracedgrits.
Whatever is happening in your life,you are only going to be make worse by drinking.
You were sober before,you can get sober again.Make a decision to stay away from the first drink,it is only the one drink you have to give up.
If you get some sober time your life will get better,that is guaranteed.
Whatever is happening in your life,you are only going to be make worse by drinking.
You were sober before,you can get sober again.Make a decision to stay away from the first drink,it is only the one drink you have to give up.
If you get some sober time your life will get better,that is guaranteed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello DisplacedGrits
I am very sorry to read that you are feeling so awful.
I completely understand this:
I was definitely there, and imagining any change for the better seemed beyond me. Drinking was just easier.
I remember your kind counsel to me when I posted here last year, in the early days of my sobriety journey. I liked and appreciated your no nonsense approach.
I found seeking support through an addictions services agency helped me recognize that I could no longer hide/deny my alcoholism.
I don't know if you are involved in any community agencies, or are in therapy of some kind. If not, do you think you might consider these options?
Making new friends is not easy, I completely understand this, I feel lonely a great deal, but one of the great things I am now coming to see in sobriety is that I can like myself better, and be my own best friend and explore new pursuits.
In the early days, when I'd read here about being kind to yourself, and growing to love yourself, I was like, "yeah, yeah, whatever..." but I just decided to take a leap of faith and listen to those who had tamed the beast. I mean, what was there to lose?
Please don't call yourself an ass!
Please keep posting and let us know how you are.
I'm sending you a hug whether you like it or not!
I am very sorry to read that you are feeling so awful.
I completely understand this:
Sometimes, i think i'd rather be alone and drunk rather than be sober and make friends
I remember your kind counsel to me when I posted here last year, in the early days of my sobriety journey. I liked and appreciated your no nonsense approach.
I found seeking support through an addictions services agency helped me recognize that I could no longer hide/deny my alcoholism.
I don't know if you are involved in any community agencies, or are in therapy of some kind. If not, do you think you might consider these options?
Making new friends is not easy, I completely understand this, I feel lonely a great deal, but one of the great things I am now coming to see in sobriety is that I can like myself better, and be my own best friend and explore new pursuits.
In the early days, when I'd read here about being kind to yourself, and growing to love yourself, I was like, "yeah, yeah, whatever..." but I just decided to take a leap of faith and listen to those who had tamed the beast. I mean, what was there to lose?
Please don't call yourself an ass!
Please keep posting and let us know how you are.
I'm sending you a hug whether you like it or not!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Praying for you my friend.
Closing in will only make things worst. Reach out, scream if you need to.
Alcohol will only brings us the following, loneliness, prison, and death.
Not worth it, we are more as humans than this, so much more.
Closing in will only make things worst. Reach out, scream if you need to.
Alcohol will only brings us the following, loneliness, prison, and death.
Not worth it, we are more as humans than this, so much more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Hi DG - I feel a little like you. My life was forced to take a lonely and isolating turn about 6 years ago. It's very difficult to re- enter a normal life but it can be done. Finding some sober friends at AA sounds like a good idea and, if nothing else, it gets you out and about. Volunteering can also get you "out-there".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Perhaps volunteering your time for a cause you care about would be an option? It wouldn't have the stress of a job, would help you to meet people and you'd be making a positive difference and giving back to the world.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Ah, DG, I was a military wife for 22 years, and believe me, I know how it feels to be part of the baggage and belongings. I moved, moved and moved again and keeping friends was hopeless. I wish I had handled things differently because that lifestyle, being alone and isolated, sure helped push me towards alcoholism.
One of the things I would have done differently was to push myself to get out and do volunteer work. I had two small children at home, and I thought I was putting them first, but I should have paid more attention to my own needs.
I guess that's my bottom line. I hear resentment in your post and resentment will lead you to a very dark place. Find something you love and embrace it.
One of the things I would have done differently was to push myself to get out and do volunteer work. I had two small children at home, and I thought I was putting them first, but I should have paid more attention to my own needs.
I guess that's my bottom line. I hear resentment in your post and resentment will lead you to a very dark place. Find something you love and embrace it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
DG, I'm glad you reached out to us. I'm sorry for your sorrows. You sound lonely and discouraged. I agree about doing some volunteer work, it's also a good way to meet like minded people and make some friends.
Please don't isolate from your SR friends.
Please don't isolate from your SR friends.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Nice to see you DG
It sounds like your self confidence has taken a beating, but I am going to blame that on the booze. Nothing is better for making us feel like crap and lose all hope. The thing is it lies. Things can get better but not while we're drinking. Concentrate on that first and don't let environmental factors justify your addiction. You can do this x
It sounds like your self confidence has taken a beating, but I am going to blame that on the booze. Nothing is better for making us feel like crap and lose all hope. The thing is it lies. Things can get better but not while we're drinking. Concentrate on that first and don't let environmental factors justify your addiction. You can do this x
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
DG glad to see you back! Your avi never fails to put a smile on my face.
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated and frustrated. Try to just get out of the house and do something that interests you-maybe take a creative class or something? You could even meet people there. Volunteering was a great suggestion too.
It sounds like you're really bored and like you want something more meaningful in your life. Small steps can make big changes!
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated and frustrated. Try to just get out of the house and do something that interests you-maybe take a creative class or something? You could even meet people there. Volunteering was a great suggestion too.
It sounds like you're really bored and like you want something more meaningful in your life. Small steps can make big changes!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
