reflection

I woke up one morning, embarrassed about how I'd acted the previous weekend, then really thought honestly about all the other times I'd acted in the same way, the many years of drinking alone and the relationships I'd damaged due to my alcohol consumption. I decided at that moment that the "relationship" was like an abusive one and that it just wasn't working for me anymore. I booted it and recall feeling extremely hopeful, not scared, just super clear that it was absolutely the right decision. Part of that was being really honest about not being able to moderate my drinking, as well; I knew it was all or nothing. Glad I decided on the all.

mathmajor

Countless stupid, risky decisions. My health, my safety, socially. I keep rolling the dice. I don't want to lose before I quit.

jenny11785

Was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and alcohol abuse. The psychologist told me I was binge drinking that could turn into a problem and was making the PTSD worse. I finally stopped a few weeks later once I understood what they were saying. It was purposeful drinking-no fun just to forget.

sillysuzanfree

I was on the same merry go round for several years...brief periods of sobriety followed by 7+ day benders...the withdrawals from the benders started becoming a special hell on earth followed by severe depression. I hated how I treating the few people I was close to and I was getting to the point where the anxiety was so bad I was unable to drive much of the time...I also had to turn down a perfectly good job offer because I was too drunk to show up on the start date...and the "head demons" I was experiencing...I was unable to even get a doctor at the Psych ward to understand them!

Finally on the 5th day of yet another sleepless withdrawal, I walked across the street at 3am to a nearby Church and prayed. It seemed to have worked so far...that was in May of 2012.

Looking4Help123

I was telling myself to stop for about 2 years. Before that I had lost a career, a marriage and spent a year unemployed and suicidal (and still drinking). While I thought it was "helping me through" in reality it was a contributing factor to my woes.

I pulled myself back out of that and found a new career July last year. The drinking started again and got worse and worse. Even worse than it was ever before.

I got to a point 2 weeks ago when I (once again) promised myself I would finish the weekend binge and not drink on the Sunday night.

I woke up on the Monday morning, I had drunk 3 bottles of champagne and 6 beers AFTER 8pm the Sunday night. I had also realised I could not remember last time I was sober. It was before christmas some 90 days before (or thereabouts).

I realised then I didn't have a single bit of control. I came on here on the Tuesday, hungover, depressed, devastated..... but wanting to change.

Dee74

I nearly died. Like not figuratively, literally.

I had to work my way through several mini strokes. I have cerebral palsy as it is.
I'm flippin' lucky to be here.

There's a lot of folks stronger and braver than me who didn't make it.

The earlier you can make a change the easier it will be for you enfinthechange.

D

Chilledice

I looked in the mirror and my face HAD CHANGED, seriously I went from good looking guy to looking SICK and ILL........................ day 7 for me and already I can see it turning around and reversing

Oh and also I don't like something to have control over me and I cant drink myself to death purely because I have trauma to deal with! im 28 im not ready to die!!

tomsteve

a jillion 'triggers" told me I needed to stop. they didn't help. it was when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality and I was given the gift of desperation: get sober or kill myself. I didn't need to stop drinking. I wanted to. if I didn't I would kill myself.

enfinthechange

Thank you all so much for sharing, it makes me proud of you all, and sure I am doing the right thing...

who wants to be chained to a chemical which makes you slow, stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, harmfull, hurtfull and the rest... not character traits I actually want!!!

I reakon I can find fun, friendship and good times elsewhere, which don't cause harm and make me suicidal!!! Hurray for us!! (to paraphrase Pulley a punk band I like...)

FreeFall

I knew I had a problem with booze for years, but tried to moderate, cut back, etc. I was "highly functioning" holding down multiple jobs, able to be a caretaker, no brushes with the law, or medical issues. What really pushed me over the edge was one of my best friends and drinking buddy was hospitalized and thought she was having a stroke. It all turned out to be alcohol related. The second thing came shortly after. I was sitting in our local bar drinking, and I realized I wasn't there to socialize-I didn't even particularly like the people present at that time, and I had responsibilities to people I loved that I was ignoring. I felt like I was crossing over to the point of no return if I didn't stop. SR and AVRT made all the difference in the world.

caboblanco

fatty liver

2muchpain

Lets see. I got tired of waking up with extreme anxiety, sweating and shaking, watching the clock so I would be at the liquor store as soon as they opened. Got tired of looking in the mirror and seeing cuts all over my face, arms, legs. Burned myself real bad, ended up in the ER. Tired of blackouts, waking up finding vodka bottles and cases of beer I don't remember getting. Tired of being disgusted with myself. Tired of seeing life go by with me not in it. Fears of getting another DUI and losing my job. Fear of killing someone driving drunk. Fear of dying.

OneIsTooMuch

Easy 1-2-3 steps

1. Drink about 1.5 liters of Wild Turkey 101
2. Pass out.
3. Vomit while passed out.
4. Aspirated the vomit.
5. Live through it by the grace of God.

The above is what is known as a "clue".

Have not had a drink since. Pretty sure I will die if there is ever a next time.

tornrealization

I've been wanting to quit for years. Too many reasons to list. Not wanting to die is a pretty good reason I keep trying.

courage2

I was sitting as usual at my desk in my office drunkenly immersed in self-loathing and regrets & googling old lovers and I found out that two of them had killed themselves & I thought, well, am I next? And didn't really want to be.

Legacy

realized I was going to weigh 300 pounds pretty soon if I didn't quit. I'm not a eater either, I just drank a ton and stuffed my face when drunk. It's only been 2 1/2 months and I've dropped 31 pounds - just from eliminating drinking and terrible decisions that come with it.

Ruturn

It got to the point that I either needed to eat a bullet and quit killing myself slowly or stop and make some changes. All the things I needed to do to get my life straightened out are actually the same things that keep me sober. I go about 5 meetings a week and I love that I have hope in my life again and that I am no longer just miserable with myself. I don't know if my marriage is ending, but the only chance I have is to keep on the straight and narrow and do all the things I used to avoid. I have a good sponsor whose has almost 30 years of sobriety and I finally just quit trying to be in charge. I surrendered and it was amazing how quickly my head started changing for the better. I pray for guidance and for others now, which is something I never did before. The fear and loathing I saw in my childrens' eyes is something I don't ever want to forget because it is a tacit reminder of the fact that I wasn't just hurting myself but I was really hurting them, too. I know that I have a choice every day to not drink at this point, and I am hopeful that I can repair the damage I've done with my family over time. The ONLY way I can even attempt to do that is to stay sober and work at it.

AuntieSoso

I think that by the grace of God I woke up one morning and that was it, I was done. That was the day after Xmas and we went out to dinner with my parents (my dad is an alcoholic) and everyone had a drink but me, and I haven't had a drink since.

Correy

I had alcoholics in family whose slobbering praises and hugs I abhorred as a kid but it did not help me not to became an alcoholic. I've seen friends die of cirrhosis of the liver, and boy, was that painful to witness, but it did not help me stop my own drinking.

I even had a "liver event" of my own (a non-drinking related illness) but as soon as I was better I continued to drink, more than ever. I had a friend silting his own throat in a mental asylum, when drunk and drugged and I had to identify him, swooning on my feet for a second or two, as I gaped at a gaping hole of what used to be his throat. Did I stop that day? Sure as hell I did not, I've been telling the story of his suicide in every bar to anyone who wanted to listen.

I've lost friends, love, sex, money while drinking and / or over the drinking but it did not matter at all, I just moved on to new 'friends,' new 'love,' new city, new country. My father, the calmest man I ever knew, a man of a golden heart and a gentle soul, in one of the most painful moments of my life, once spit on me, disgusted, when I, drunk as hell, was behaving worse than a pig would and I still did not quit, I rather kept drowning my shame in an endless slew of hysterical 'parties,' taking me nowhere.

And I was quitting and quitting, time after time, only to keep relapsing, drinking my life away, for decades. And the periods in between "relapses" were getting longer and longer and one day after another I quit, or at least quit for yesterday, today and, hopefully, tomorrow...

So in my case it simply did not make any more sense, not at all, to keep drinking. And also, my body seems to have developed a sort of allergy to booze so even a small drink would make me viciously sick...

A life-long agony I look at in a rear view mirror and still can't believe that grotesque, selfish melodrama was my life.



Good luck with yours!

strayJ

Hello enfin,

I didn't want to wake up to a single hangover ever again... had the feeling I couldn't handle them any longer, emotionally, not so much physically. It was as if my soul had decided for me; my perception of drinking had turned around: I couldn't feel one bit of pleasure in drinking anymore, I only felt pain, tremendous pain about what I was doing to myself. And there was no room for compromising anymore; I felt compelled to quit, my disgust was so strong.

Wishing you strength!