Lack of coping abilities in things now that you're sober?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northeast usa.
Posts: 21
Lack of coping abilities in things now that you're sober?
I am 70 days sober, (used to have a bottle of wine and a few shots every other night for several years).
I have never felt so thin-skinned and vulnerable.
I'm in a leadership position of sorts, and sober, I feel like I'm just not cutting it. Actually its everything. At home its the same issue.
It feels like everythings just chaotic and I have no control over it. I don't know how I was dealing with everything half-drunk before, but I was dealing with it better than I am now.
Maybe I dealt with the hassles and horrible effing people all day, knowing I could drown it all in a bottle of wine?
I was so angry all the time before, too, and maybe I felt like my anger protected me. I don't know.
Now I just feel.. tired. Vulnerable, tired, unprotected.
I have never felt so thin-skinned and vulnerable.
I'm in a leadership position of sorts, and sober, I feel like I'm just not cutting it. Actually its everything. At home its the same issue.
It feels like everythings just chaotic and I have no control over it. I don't know how I was dealing with everything half-drunk before, but I was dealing with it better than I am now.
Maybe I dealt with the hassles and horrible effing people all day, knowing I could drown it all in a bottle of wine?
I was so angry all the time before, too, and maybe I felt like my anger protected me. I don't know.
Now I just feel.. tired. Vulnerable, tired, unprotected.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Have you considered seeing a counselor? I see one and she's been most helpful to me. I look forward to my sessions and always feel better afterward.
It's normal to feel all over the map in early recovery. Give yourself more time to 'even out'.
It's normal to feel all over the map in early recovery. Give yourself more time to 'even out'.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Like many others I had control issues and it was tough to learn how to handle them. Finally at a meeting someone suggested to try letting go. It made sense as I was driving myself insane and over burdened. With practice it was vastly reduced so I am comfortable most of the time.
BE WELL
BE WELL
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Are you doing anything for your sobriety aside from not drinking? The alcohol was just a tiny part of my problem. I had to learn to live differently.
I remember, especially in the beginning, the distinct feeling that my head had become a pressure cooker. I felt the stresses of each day kept compounding, and I had no way to let the steam out any more. Alcohol, was a realease valve, and without it I was sure that one day I was just gonna blow. That feeling subsided (if I remember correctly at around 6 months), but it wouldn't have without the effort I put into my recovery. For me that meant AA, the 12 steps, lots of therapy/counseling, and a whole bunch more. Had I just put the drink down and done nothing else I'm 99.9% certain I'd be drunk again, dead, or locked up somewhere.
I remember, especially in the beginning, the distinct feeling that my head had become a pressure cooker. I felt the stresses of each day kept compounding, and I had no way to let the steam out any more. Alcohol, was a realease valve, and without it I was sure that one day I was just gonna blow. That feeling subsided (if I remember correctly at around 6 months), but it wouldn't have without the effort I put into my recovery. For me that meant AA, the 12 steps, lots of therapy/counseling, and a whole bunch more. Had I just put the drink down and done nothing else I'm 99.9% certain I'd be drunk again, dead, or locked up somewhere.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
zurie, I can relate. I work with a lot of challenging people, and my job is extremely frustrating. I feel trapped for reasons I don't want to get into, but there is no doubt that I was angry (still am sometimes) and drank to numb my disappointment and frustration. My last drink was around Christmas, so I'm right there with you in terms of length of sobriety.
I, too, am in a leadership position (though not "top dog"), and I used to just numbly barrel through have been more difficult lately. I have had to hide out and cry a few times at work (I'm a guy in my 50's). I also took a few days off "sick" because I couldn't take it for awhile.
I've been reading and practicing mindfulness, and things are getting better. One key focus is compassion for self and others. When I catch myself thinking someone's a loser, I try to remind myself they are doing the best they know how. This includes myself. When dealing with people who are just plain toxic, I step back and focus on my breathing.
There are no miracles or quick fixes. I tried that with alcohol. It worked on some level for a long time, but not anymore. Not for me. I'm not going back. But there is no doubt that this new world of hypersensitivity, bright light, and itchy clothes has me on edge sometimes.
Other than not drinking, what are you doing differently to help yourself cope? For me, that is the key question. Alcohol was sometimes just fun, but it had increasingly become a coping tool. The only difference is I wasn't really coping - just numbing. Now that I'm forced to try to cope in sobriety, I have to learn some new skills.
Everyone is different. I hope you are searching for the best tools for you.
I, too, am in a leadership position (though not "top dog"), and I used to just numbly barrel through have been more difficult lately. I have had to hide out and cry a few times at work (I'm a guy in my 50's). I also took a few days off "sick" because I couldn't take it for awhile.
I've been reading and practicing mindfulness, and things are getting better. One key focus is compassion for self and others. When I catch myself thinking someone's a loser, I try to remind myself they are doing the best they know how. This includes myself. When dealing with people who are just plain toxic, I step back and focus on my breathing.
There are no miracles or quick fixes. I tried that with alcohol. It worked on some level for a long time, but not anymore. Not for me. I'm not going back. But there is no doubt that this new world of hypersensitivity, bright light, and itchy clothes has me on edge sometimes.
Other than not drinking, what are you doing differently to help yourself cope? For me, that is the key question. Alcohol was sometimes just fun, but it had increasingly become a coping tool. The only difference is I wasn't really coping - just numbing. Now that I'm forced to try to cope in sobriety, I have to learn some new skills.
Everyone is different. I hope you are searching for the best tools for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I could have written that post, except my hangover state created an indifference to people's problems around me, the care factor was really low but I was far from coping with things better. It was more of a hang in there and get the job done.
I am 4 month today and I can't say that it is that much better because I have some really weird stuff going on. I literally have tears that sit just behind my eyes ready to fall any time, all day..its like a maudlin, pathos sadness that's not tangible or associated with me...to weird...I figure I spent a long time getting messed up it's going to take a while to get sorted.
I am 4 month today and I can't say that it is that much better because I have some really weird stuff going on. I literally have tears that sit just behind my eyes ready to fall any time, all day..its like a maudlin, pathos sadness that's not tangible or associated with me...to weird...I figure I spent a long time getting messed up it's going to take a while to get sorted.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
I think like anything leaning to live sober is a skill most of us need to elarn or relearn from scratch.
I'd spent my entire adult life high or drunk - uncomfortable feelings, stress, boredom were all drunk away.
It take a little time to get used to feeling.
I think the learning curve is pretty steep tho.
If you feel it's impacting your professional life, I think some counselling may help?
D
I'd spent my entire adult life high or drunk - uncomfortable feelings, stress, boredom were all drunk away.
It take a little time to get used to feeling.
I think the learning curve is pretty steep tho.
If you feel it's impacting your professional life, I think some counselling may help?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Middletown, CT
Posts: 102
You have to find other healthy ways to cope since you're no longer using alcohol to get through each day. Counseling is a great idea. AA meetings or other group sobriety meetings can be great. Praying, journaling, exercise, yoga, and fun hobbies are all things that have helped me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northeast usa.
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Joe Nerv 
Are you doing anything for your sobriety aside from not drinking? The alcohol was just a tiny part of my problem. I had to learn to live differently.
I remember, especially in the beginning, the distinct feeling that my head had become a pressure cooker. I felt the stresses of each day kept compounding, and I had no way to let the steam out any more. Alcohol, was a realease valve, and without it I was sure that one day I was just gonna blow. That feeling subsided (if I remember correctly at around 6 months), but it wouldn't have without the effort I put into my recovery. For me that meant AA, the 12 steps, lots of therapy/counseling, and a whole bunch more. Had I just put the drink down and done nothing else I'm 99.9% certain I'd be drunk again, dead, or locked up somewhere.
I remember, especially in the beginning, the distinct feeling that my head had become a pressure cooker. I felt the stresses of each day kept compounding, and I had no way to let the steam out any more. Alcohol, was a realease valve, and without it I was sure that one day I was just gonna blow. That feeling subsided (if I remember correctly at around 6 months), but it wouldn't have without the effort I put into my recovery. For me that meant AA, the 12 steps, lots of therapy/counseling, and a whole bunch more. Had I just put the drink down and done nothing else I'm 99.9% certain I'd be drunk again, dead, or locked up somewhere.
This thing about the release valve resonates soooo much.. in an omg way. Thanks for that. I mean it helps to know its not this entirely abnormal thing, you know. I'm going to get some group therapy it seems. I found this out today - not for addiction specifically though.
Originally Posted by zerothehero
zurie, I can relate. I work with a lot of challenging people, and my job is extremely frustrating. I feel trapped for reasons I don't want to get into, but there is no doubt that I was angry (still am sometimes) and drank to numb my disappointment and frustration. My last drink was around Christmas, so I'm right there with you in terms of length of sobriety.
I, too, am in a leadership position (though not "top dog"), and I used to just numbly barrel through have been more difficult lately. I have had to hide out and cry a few times at work (I'm a guy in my 50's). I also took a few days off "sick" because I couldn't take it for awhile.
I've been reading and practicing mindfulness, and things are getting better. One key focus is compassion for self and others. When I catch myself thinking someone's a loser, I try to remind myself they are doing the best they know how. This includes myself. When dealing with people who are just plain toxic, I step back and focus on my breathing.
There are no miracles or quick fixes. I tried that with alcohol. It worked on some level for a long time, but not anymore. Not for me. I'm not going back. But there is no doubt that this new world of hypersensitivity, bright light, and itchy clothes has me on edge sometimes.
Other than not drinking, what are you doing differently to help yourself cope? For me, that is the key question. Alcohol was sometimes just fun, but it had increasingly become a coping tool. The only difference is I wasn't really coping - just numbing. Now that I'm forced to try to cope in sobriety, I have to learn some new skills.
Everyone is different. I hope you are searching for the best tools for you.
I, too, am in a leadership position (though not "top dog"), and I used to just numbly barrel through have been more difficult lately. I have had to hide out and cry a few times at work (I'm a guy in my 50's). I also took a few days off "sick" because I couldn't take it for awhile.
I've been reading and practicing mindfulness, and things are getting better. One key focus is compassion for self and others. When I catch myself thinking someone's a loser, I try to remind myself they are doing the best they know how. This includes myself. When dealing with people who are just plain toxic, I step back and focus on my breathing.
There are no miracles or quick fixes. I tried that with alcohol. It worked on some level for a long time, but not anymore. Not for me. I'm not going back. But there is no doubt that this new world of hypersensitivity, bright light, and itchy clothes has me on edge sometimes.
Other than not drinking, what are you doing differently to help yourself cope? For me, that is the key question. Alcohol was sometimes just fun, but it had increasingly become a coping tool. The only difference is I wasn't really coping - just numbing. Now that I'm forced to try to cope in sobriety, I have to learn some new skills.
Everyone is different. I hope you are searching for the best tools for you.
It just feels like.. some kind of mental bandage was ripped off.
And yeah, for a few years alcohol wasn't any fun anymore, once in a while maybe - but usually I'd get to my drunk point and not even feel good anymore, just sick and depressed.
Originally Posted by Notimetoloose
I could have written that post, except my hangover state created an indifference to people's problems around me, the care factor was really low but I was far from coping with things better. It was more of a hang in there and get the job done.
I am 4 month today and I can't say that it is that much better because I have some really weird stuff going on. I literally have tears that sit just behind my eyes ready to fall any time, all day..its like a maudlin, pathos sadness that's not tangible or associated with me...to weird...I figure I spent a long time getting messed up it's going to take a while to get sorted.
I am 4 month today and I can't say that it is that much better because I have some really weird stuff going on. I literally have tears that sit just behind my eyes ready to fall any time, all day..its like a maudlin, pathos sadness that's not tangible or associated with me...to weird...I figure I spent a long time getting messed up it's going to take a while to get sorted.
So, today the psychiatrist says I have ptsd. It had been mentioned as a possibility, but now its this.. thing I have to deal with. Had an abusive childhood, basically. So thats why I spent half my life drunk. I guess.
Anyway, thanks guys.. this was seriously helpful (to those who I didn't postquote as well) - I appreciate it. Like I said, just knowing I'm not the only one to feel this way really does help.
I guess they're putting me in a group therapy sort of deal with others who have ptsd.
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