Weasel1966

Ok, I get it. I went to my first rehab in 2005. I finally stopped drinking in 2013. Everyday in-between I said no more ... I was stopping. Every weekend I "tried" only to spend hundreds and hundreds on drugs and drinking.

I GET it.

But what pisses me off is I got dismissed yesterday.

Was told ... In a very condescending Mainer accent "Neva say neva".

That's the response I got when sharing the good news that I had been sober for some time.

To boot I also got the DG as I like to call it. Downward glance. That brief motion of the eyes up and down as if to smear the comment all over me for effect.

Here is the kicker.... This was said by another drunk who has a few years sober! Really?

Why do people not give anyone the benefit of the doubt? Not even drunks cut other drunks slack.

But as this sat with me yesterday and this morning I get it.

When I last said no more not even I believed me at the time.

But if you have a wish in one hand and a pile of sh!t in the other what have you really got?

My actions speak for themselves. Saying I am sober does nothing to convince anyone. Not even me.

But my life has taken some turns. I am not going to try and convince this person. Not worth my time.

I certainly am not going to let his comment do anything to tear down my confidence. I will let it lay where it is. But it did pi ss me off.

I don't find the need to tell anyone "how I am doing" anymore. I am fine thank you. Let the judgements be their own silently.

I got some living to do and don't get in my way.

Ken

FreeOwl

sorry that happened.... but moving on and doing that living you've got to do is a great response to something like this.

It's unfortunate that we will get this response from some in life. But then, wasn't it we ourselves who got the ball rolling?



Try not to let it get to you. I know that's a helluva thing to say when you've gotten the axe. That's no small issue. Then again, in the Big Picture, maybe it is a small issue after all.

You've got your sobriety and you've got your life. IT's your move.

LadyBlue0527

I get you Weasel.

So let's start by another Mainah saying "good going on the time you've put in to make sobriety a success. This is hard (pronounced hahd here in Maine) work and I would put you at the top of the list of posts that I read from people who are very secure in their sobriety. You get it, you know what needs to be done". How was that and you didn't even have to listen to the accent?

We work so hard to get where we are, we are secure and happy to be sober. Then, we get to hear catch phrases or comments from people that are meant to keep us in check. It's demeaning and discredits the amount of work that goes into this.

You're right, we don't like to hear those phrases or comments because there's a piece of us that knows that it is true. The problem is that it's negativity heaped onto a whole sea of something so positive. Who needs it? The phrase "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" comes to mind.

So chin up my friend, let those who like to deliver their negative comments sit in their own you know what. You and I both know that as happy as we are that sobriety still requires mindfulness at all times. That does't mean that we shouldn't be recognized for where we are today.

Enjoy your Sunday

Weasel1966

Thanks free owl. This is small in the big picture but I wanted to share it and move on.

LadyB... Love the accent! You know exactly how that was said. I don't consider myself secure in anything. Especially my sobriety. I can't afford the complacency. Although I don't think you meant it like that just the word secure scares me. Lol but you got me exactly.

Today is a great sober day! I will be out and about in Portland.

Tiptree

It's funny how a hundred people can praise us and it's the one jerk that says something negative that we will dwell on. Your sobriety was hard earned and is strong. Fuggetaboutit!

mecanix

Kick it down their throat by staying sober another non-specified time period K … One non-specified time period at a time

I sometimes feel people say that just to prod at ones ego … "the proof is in the pudding" as we say in the uk .
Having known you over 2 years now i certainly think if you keep your head in the right place you've got just as much chance as any of us others at living a glorious sober life

Bestwishes, m

mecanix

Found it , a quote i was looking for :-
"a positive attitude may not solve all of your problems , but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort " Herm Albright 1876-1944

Weasel1966

You made me laugh M. Non specified time period.

No I never say how long I have been sober. Enough to positively effect my life and well being. If I say 6 months or I say a year I don't want someone else's expectation of what that is or how far should I have come. So thats a personal deal. Plus if I do Eff up its mine to reconcile. Don't need to take anyone down with me by having them say to themselves "well if he can fail after that long what shot at this do I have?"

Measuring time is good just not for me.

K

Nonsensical

Most people are trying to help.

Some of them aren't very good at it.

Why do I always have to choose?

LDT

I'm not in AA, but I have completely embraced the sentiment "what other people think of me is none of my business" . It truly doesn't matter to me. I just try to do the best I can every day, staying sober, and if that isn't enough for some people, then "sorry for not being sorry".

Have an awesome day, Ken!

Weasel1966

This post and the responses makes me come to the conclusion that I fear failing everyday. I don't want to think about it with a label of time. I don't want anyone to doubt anything so I say nothing.

Not exactly a plan to manage things but it works for this moment.

I failed to many times.

RobbyRobot

To hell with "neva say neva" I've said never again for decades now since quitting. Still going strong.

Awesome is as awesome does, Ken.

silentrun

Your doing great Weasel. I had a situation like that last week. It felt like a kick to the stomach. I have been doing really well and it was just a reminder that this will never really be over. Is all that means is that I will continue to work on it not that I will pick back up again.

LadyBlue0527

I agree with this too. However, if we're honest it's because we know that it does't matter if we have 1 day, 1 year, 10 years or whatever our time is. We will always need to be mindful of our sobriety. It isn't always in the forefront but we know full well the problem will always exist. Who the heck wants to be reminded of that when they're celebrating the hard work that they've done?

It's like telling someone that we just won a million dollars and having them come back and list all the problems that can come from that. People will be calling you for money, you'll have to get a tax advisor and an attorney, friends that you haven't seen in years will come crawling out of the woodwork. Who needs the negativity? We are already aware of all these things can't we just enjoy the million?

That's why it affects us. It's a downer and an assumption that we aren't being mindful. This is hard work and deserves applause even if that applause is from ourselves. Go assume somewhere else.

Olive1

I was listening to a radio program last week and they were talking about this fact that we tend to only focus on the negative. Theory was that it goes back to our basic instincts.....we need to remember the bad in order to survive, to be prepared for the danger.

Some days it is hard to let the negative roll of your back. Some days it is not as hard.

I try to remember the 99 good things as much as possible. And deep breaths for the bad ones really help me.

Thoughtful post, Weasel.

360shoes

Hi Weasel,
I get it. I had a friend tell an ex co-worker of mine that I had quit drinking...my friend was very proud and supportive of me...but the ex co-worker said...we will see how long that lasts.

Hurt my feelings more than anything but whatever. I kind of understood why he would say that and in all reality I didn't really care what he thought anyway.

I try to be a kind person and a thoughtful person. I ain't changing who I am over what someone else says or does. The comment wasn't nice. Sometimes people say stupid stuff. I've said stupid too.

I'm sorry that was hurtful to you.

Impurrfect

Weasel - I'm sorry that happened, but I know you pretty well and you will just move on.

I was fired from many jobs (all but one because I was using)...in the healthcare field.

Guess what? Years later, I'm working a temp job at one of the top 100 hospitals in the country, learning a new trade and though it's temporary? It will probably lead to another job.

I spent soooo much time on dwelling about how I was going to explain all those firings. I worked minimum wage jobs, and time passed. A LOT of time passed (years) because I was paralyzed in fear of how to explain the past.

I don't see you doing that. You got fired by a clueless person. I just see that there is something better out there for you.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

matt4x4

Interesting post. Well quantity means nothing. I know of countless "members" who have a large amount of time in who have never opened the Big Book, never share much on the steps, and spread the word about their lives, how much money they got whatever. The key is the quality of sobriety a person has. That is what I look for. I can tell who has good quality and who has bad by the words they say and their body language and by how they act outside the walls of AA. The people in the rooms are sick people just trying to get better. Just because they are in the rooms, does not mean they work any steps out of the Big Book.

The whole key to this is to get a sponsor that will take you through the Big Book, so you can understand the steps and work them. Once you have an understanding of the facts and information, the BS that is spread in the rooms becomes non-affecting. It actually gets you thinking of the correct information as stated in our basic textbook. Its tough at first, but the "noise" in the rooms becomse something to laugh at once you understand the dilemma at hand. Its amazing some of the things people spread thinking they know what they are saying, when in fact all they are doing is winging it, repeating whatever they think sounds good to make them look good. They are talking the talk. Posers.

Hope4Life

"I got some living to do and don't get in my way."

Love that phrase Ken! Hope you don't mind if I use it!

I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from... especially since you didn't say "I'll NEVER drink again!". Some people just like to pull our chains and cannot resist the opportunity to do so. I have gotten some pretty strange responses from folks I have told about my 18+ months of sobriety. Luckily, most of them have been positive and some have even encouraged me to keep it up (which is pretty weird coming from an old 'drinking buddy').

I have also received the silent stare from several folks who refuse to acknowledge their own problems with alcohol. One of these was my barber... after he did that I noticed the smell of booze on his breath, at 10AM!

BTW... a couple people seem to think that you mentioning you were dismissed meant you lost your job. I sense that that is not the case, Can you clarify?

Go FORWARD with confidence, my friend!

Weasel1966

Hey hope. I did not catch that. Nope was not dismissed from work. Was dismissed in what I was saying.

My job is very secure and healthy. Again due to being sober.

Hey Amy... No I did not lose my job. And thank you for your support. You are always there with a kind word and a good perspective.

Matt.... Not an AA person here. But I get what you are saying!

Lots of good advice and perspectives.