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Old 03-08-2014, 10:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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New and scared...please help


This might be long, forgive me. I am new and don't know where to turn. I am 27 and trying to get sober for the sake of my well being. When I was a child, I was sexually molested by a family member. I don't have recollections but other family members witnessed the events. The scars emotionally still remain. I grew up a depressed child who relied on eating to make myself feel better. It wasn't until I turned 19 that I discovered alcohol.
Once I graduated high school, I was raped by a good friend. I took to the booze hard. And the marijuana. The cocaine. The extasy. The mushrooms. Thankfully over time I slowed down. I thought I was doing okay. I met who I thought was the love of my life. I weighed close to 400 pounds but had never been happier with this man. We were together for 3 and a half years. The last year we were together I lost almost 200 pounds. My whole out look on life changed. I moved out and broke up with him. I started drinking heavily and going home with what ever man I could, I was finally desirable to the opposite sex. This went on for a year and a half. I moved in to my own apartment in April 2013. I began drinking very heavily by myself every day. I started missing working and family functions. I broke up with my current boyfriend. I quit my job.
On May 21, 2013, I swallowed 100 Tylenol and chased it with a bottle of vodka. I didn't want to live. My mother found my coherent but drunk later that evening. I lied to her and told her I had just been drinking, I honestly thinking that nothing would happen with the Tylenol. God, I was wrong. I was rushed to the ER the next day in the most severe pain I've ever felt. I was admitted into the ICU with a 50% chance of survival. I completely destroyed my liver and kidneys. The next month was the worst of my life. I was life flighted to University of Washington and was on dialysis for a solid amount of time. I was lucky enough to fully recover. I should have came back with a fresh start. Could I do that? No. I started drinking again. I drank to blackout point every night for seven months straight. I woke up one morning last week and realized I need to face these demons head on. I just don't know how to do it without the alcohol. Please, does anyone have any tips? I would be grateful to hear anything
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Old 03-08-2014, 10:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome, Karma!

Please stick with us here at SoberRecovery! We are truly a life line!

Keep posting!
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Old 03-08-2014, 10:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome karmapuhlease - you'll find a lot of advice support and understanding here.

I'm sorry for what happened to you in the past. A lot of us here understand how deep those wounds can be, but I really hope you will find a way to deal with that and not give into self destruction.

I'm sureyou know as I do drink and drugs solve nothing, and they serve only to keep the wounds fresh and raw.

You deserve to live without pain and fear

Have you considered any kind of counselling at all KarmaPuhlease?

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Old 03-08-2014, 10:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome, karmapuhlease. I would suggest getting into counseling. If your body has been hurt that badly in the past, it can happen again so I would talk to a physician about how to safely detox. I'm glad you're trying to get help.
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Old 03-08-2014, 10:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm in counseling and meeting with a psychiatrist and an addictions specialist, but I just want some feed back from someone who has actually battled addiction. It's hard to deal with this all at once without falling on my crutch of alcohol or marijuana.
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My wife and I quit drinking and smoking pot over a year ago. We went to ninety AA meetings in our first ninety days of sobriety, and got great feedback from folks there. I like to come to this website because it's a positive use of my time. AA and SoberRecovery is a winning combination!
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
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sure Karmapuhlease, you'll get a lot of feedback and experience here.

I recommend you post here as often as you need to

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Old 03-08-2014, 11:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Go to an AA meeting.
Find a sponsor.
If you get a headache take Aleve.
It's time to end this abusive relationship with alcohol.
You can do it!
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Headed to an AA meeting on Wednesday pretty excited for my life to make a turn around!
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, too, karmapuhlease. It cast a shadow over my life, and like you I felt like I was "born again" when I discovered alcohol. I drank hard for 25 years, though one divorce, but I finally managed to quit; been sober for about 17 months now. AVRT (you can do a search for it) helped me.

I'm in my 40s and have come to terms with my past. You're still young, maybe you'd benefit with some counselling/therapy.

You have to quit drinking, and now. If you don't you're gonna die. This is something you already know, so I'm not giving you any new information. You can get healthy and get right with yourself down the road - it's a process- but right now you've gotta stop drinking before you go past the point of no return.

There's another life in store for you, one you can't even imagine right now. You almost certainly don't believe me when I say it, and I wouldn't have believed it either if you'd have told me five years ago. But it's true. The past is a dream, the future is ahead of you.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 03-09-2014, 01:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by karmapuhlease View Post
Headed to an AA meeting on Wednesday pretty excited for my life to make a turn around!
So glad to hear this. I do recommend counseling to help you deal with the underlying reasons you drink.
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Old 03-09-2014, 01:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, too, karmapuhlease. It cast a shadow over my life, and like you I felt like I was "born again" when I discovered alcohol. I drank hard for 25 years, though one divorce, but I finally managed to quit; been sober for about 17 months now. AVRT (you can do a search for it) helped me.

I'm in my 40s and have come to terms with my past. You're still young, maybe you'd benefit with some counselling/therapy.

You have to quit drinking, and now. If you don't you're gonna die. This is something you already know, so I'm not giving you any new information. You can get healthy and get right with yourself down the road - it's a process- but right now you've gotta stop drinking before you go past the point of no return.

There's another life in store for you, one you can't even imagine right now. You almost certainly don't believe me when I say it, and I wouldn't have believed it either if you'd have told me five years ago. But it's true. The past is a dream, the future is ahead of you.
This is so true. You can live another life. It won't be the one you have now, it will be much different. Leave this life behind and never look back!
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Old 03-09-2014, 03:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi karma,
Just like to say that no matter how far down you have gone you can recover and get well. i was once a 'dead man walking' and am still here. Please try to continue reaching out. When you begin to emerge from the daze that addictive use has left you in then with clarity you can begin to deal with the other issues.
But take small steps. One day at a time and with help you can and will recover.
Keep reading here and you will learn about the many ways that we have found relief from our addictions. Many of us begin to change into the people that we have always yearned to be with lives we though it impossible to have......
Please have faith in those that have gone before you and believe me when i say that you too can recover and help others in their struggles.
Courage and love to you.
Gary
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Old 03-09-2014, 03:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome to the SR family. There's so much support here. Lean on us til you can stand on your own. We are here to support you in you goal of sobriety. Going to a meeting is a great idea. AA has helped many people beat their alcohol addiction.

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Old 03-09-2014, 04:46 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome Karma xxxxx
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